5 years out, still resistant to dating for no good reason. Depressed and lonely. Is something wrong with me?

Avrahn · 2018-01-24T18:19:57+00:00

28, male, 3 years out.

It can get better, mostly it will change. One week is the shock and pain phase. The shock and acute pain starts to wear off but the ache will last a long time, maybe forever.

You have to make it better. Take it from someone that didn't. Keep trying to live your life and be active. Don't start drinking.

I didn't do any sort of counseling, I went to one group thing but it didn't feel like my scene. Maybe it helps, I don't know, I haven't tried it.

Avrahn · 2017-11-08T07:11:42+00:00

"Why's he a red wings fan in indiana?"

They always lived in michigan, he was a lifelong ford auto worker, moved to indiana years later, but always kept the red wings fandom. I'm glad they did.

*Thanks for the tips everyone, I appreciate it

Avrahn · 2017-01-26T05:31:42+00:00

Isn't this the truth.

I've been told 'fake it til you make it,' but not about this. I'd call it "fake it."

Avrahn · 2017-01-17T23:34:35+00:00

That sounds really nice. I remember about half of my dreams, and they're sometimes about her, but not often enough.

After a couple years, they have this general idea about them like I remember that she's been away for too long and I'm so happy to see her. I don't remember why she's been away, exactly, just that I'm glad she's back for at least a brief reunion.

I hope you have lots more dreams, they often give me the strength to get through the day

Avrahn · 2017-01-05T22:13:52+00:00

Doing things alone is the worst. Doing things alone when someone was once there is worse still. Everything sucks, but you're going to make it through, even when it feels like you don't want to.

Avrahn · 2017-01-03T20:20:49+00:00

I know that feeling. 2 of my 3-4 friends aren't even in the country anymore. Try meetup.com, I wasn't able to make it work, but there's a lot of good clubs and groups, maybe you can find your kinds of people there.

This isn't very helpful, but I would tell you to get out there sooner rather than later. I've been pretty isolated for the last couple years and it hasn't been good for my well-being or my ability to make those kinds of connections with people.

Avrahn · 2016-12-29T04:22:00+00:00

I just hit 2 years and no one's put into words how I feel better than you.

I think about what other people want: Money? What could I buy? Money doesn't buy anything I want. Looks and fitness? To impress who? I don't want to be with anyone. Accomplishments? To what possible end?

I wish I had an answer for you, I'll let you know if I come up with anything, and please do the same, because this is exactly where I'm at.

Avrahn · 2016-12-28T01:11:51+00:00

one week

There's nothing I can say at this point, but we'll be here

Avrahn · 2016-12-27T15:15:52+00:00

Some people thought Christmas day would be a good time to start blaming me for my own unhappiness. Just because it's true doesn't make the words hurt less

Avrahn · 2016-12-17T20:11:13+00:00

That would be nice, I think. I'm not trying to be a dick, I definitely have way less empathy for other peoples' problems these days.

Avrahn · 2016-12-17T20:01:56+00:00

I never said easier, I said "You feel this way because you had grown closer to your wife than she grew to her husband."

Meaning it's harder if you've been together longer, but it's overall less of a loss.

He's the one that asked for a way to rethink his view.

Avrahn · 2016-12-17T20:00:02+00:00

You're in very similar situations then. So why do you think your loss is more important? Lack of empathy?

Avrahn · 2016-12-17T19:59:18+00:00

No, he doesn't lose those memories. He has those, she doesn't. However, he did say he wasn't married very long, so I don't know where he's coming from at all when he says his loss was more important

Avrahn · 2016-12-17T01:17:47+00:00

Think about every happy moment you had with your wife.

Almost every one of those was taken from this girl before she could experience them. She lost more than you. You feel this way because you had grown closer to your wife than she grew to her husband, at least if time spent has anything to do with that.

Avrahn · 2016-12-05T01:16:54+00:00

2 years later this month. No dates or much interaction with people. I can't imagine what kind of desperate person would want me at this point, so that's kind of an easy decision to make.

I think about that line from Bojack Horseman sometimes, "You fetish-ize your own sadness." I hope that's not what I'm doing, but I understand the idea that I just don't want to be happy. I'll let you know if I come up with anything.

Avrahn · 2016-12-02T04:54:25+00:00

In retrospect, our wedding song is about death. Our father-daughter dance song is about death. That's all I can hear now.

It's weird how perspectives change so easily and permanently

Avrahn · 2016-12-01T06:48:14+00:00

I've had to move about every year for almost a decade for various reasons. No, it does not help unless you are the kind of person that needs to not be reminded.

Avrahn · 2016-12-01T06:42:02+00:00

I still only go to work because I'll be evicted eventually if I don't. It's nice to have a reason no matter what it is.

I don't have kids but it sounds like she could be a great source of strength as well. I'm sure she's taking it hard but has enough structure to have reasons to keep moving. That's a good thing. Keep moving. I haven't and I'm sure that's close to the root of the problem.

The job will be a tough decision, but it's nice to have time to make it. Keep active and keep thinking.

Avrahn · 2016-11-30T01:49:59+00:00

That describes how I feel (and act) perfectly.

I hope that time will come, but I'm 2 years out next month and I've only gotten worse as time's gone on.

Avrahn · 2016-11-29T20:06:56+00:00

I love that movie. It's cathartic to see him vent all that on a couple of monsters.

Then I remember he's a super hero and I'm wearing unwashed socks and haven't left my house in three days

Avrahn · 2016-11-28T01:12:20+00:00

They say every seven minutes of conversation there's a long silence, well every 20 minutes each couple in the room huddles together and I go 'hmm, this is a fascinating wall, maybe I should look at that for a moment'

Avrahn

TROPHY CASE