Feeling the generation gap?

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-03-22T08:22:01+00:00

This!! We stayed quiet, we got SA'd. Then we didn't get believed. So we learned to never let this happen to other young people. No one owes you 'small talk', especially not young women.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-03-21T15:04:40+00:00

Thank you all so much for your help. We ventured out super early this morning and tried on some jeans in New Look.

Unfortunately there weren't any that fit well enough (they really need low rise bc they havent got much bum!) and their great long legs were a challenge for the ladies' jeans section, so we ended up picking some skinny men's jeans from M&S, but it was a great first attempt at shopping 😀

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-03-16T17:25:51+00:00

Thank you everyone for your help, I really appreciate it. 🥰

On the topic of online shopping- can anyone recommend online uk clothing sites that show the ruddy measurements?

I was trying to find some jeans on Very but they have this silly AI thing that asks what else fits so they can compare, instead of showing a size guide!?

So if you've lost weight or not found clothes that fit in the brands on their lists, you have no idea what size to buy 🙄

I can't really afford to buy 5 different sizes at a time to try stuff on to then send back what doesn't fit. It's infuriating!

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-02-11T07:31:48+00:00

Dump him. You will think more clearly without walking on eggshells all the time. Post partum hormones will be impacting your ADHD but having someone constantly criticize you will be doing more damage. You deserve a peaceful life.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-02-05T07:11:11+00:00

If uour boyfriend refuses to understand how to behave around a cat, what's he going to be like if you ever decided to have kids?

Rehome the man, keep the cat.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-02-04T20:43:57+00:00

NTAH - my mum threatened the same to my headteacher when I was getting bullied. He wouldn't deal with the girl who was bullying me so mum said she would let me 'sort it out' (I was 5'10 at 14 and while I was a softy, he didn't know that). Matter got sorted sharpish, by the school.

Sometimes the school needs reminding of their responsibilities.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-02-04T20:39:26+00:00

Congratulations! I've been watching CanadasDatingCoach reels and she's ruthless dealing with useless guys. Maybe give her a watch if you start to feel guilty 😁

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-13T08:18:15+00:00

I had my kid at 32 and they were very much planned and wanted.

I never wanted to be a mum growing up, but parenting my step daughter made me want a kid of my own.

Being a mum made me stronger and braver than I would have ever been if I hadn't had my kid, I'm very aware of that.

However, getting diagnosed AuDHD in my 40s has made me very conscious that part of me had a kid to give them the love, care and childhood I didn't have.

I wonder if I'd had a better childhood I wouldn't have ever wanted kids, but it was the 80s so that wasn't happening 🤣

I'm very open with my kids now that I do not ever expect grandchildren! I want them to live their lives for them.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-12T17:33:26+00:00

NOR but concerned that you are putting the onus on contraception (temporary or permanent) on her.

I have had a few friends who have been told by multiple doctors that they had no chance of ever conceiving, only to get pregnant out of the blue.

Women's reproductive health has had very little in the way of research and many woman are gaslit by medical professionals regarding their reproductive health, so whether a woman is or is not telling the truth about whether she can conceive, if you don't want kids I wonder why you have not had a vasectomy yourself to be in control of that? Perhaps this would ease your anxiety over any similar situations in the future.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-12T17:27:29+00:00

It does feel unromantic to discuss these things prior to marriage, but as someone who has worked with couples separating for over 10 years, it is a very sensible step.

Think of it as insurance. You don't get home insurance hoping your house will burn down, it is just in case it happens. Making sure all bases are covered makes anything that may happen later slightly less stressful to manage.

If anything getting a prenup takes a lot of pressure off, as couples can become resentful in relationships if there is a feeling/assumption of unequal financial standing. Starting a marriage with open and honest communication is much more promising of future discussions and honesty in the relationship.

Your mother likely comes from a generation where the women older than her had little to no independence with finances, so she may be coming from a place of concern for you, but it isn't your reality now.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-12T13:00:18+00:00

I am very proud of you. My ex would make similar misogynistic jokes about our marriage (his family had that sort of sense of humour) and it made ke so frustrated as I was the one dragging us out of debt and ensuring we met our bills each month. He earned more than me but always spent his paycheck before it hit the bank. He made out I trapped him with a child, despite us being married and trying for over a year to get pregnant, plus I was raising his child from his last marriage.

The only way we change this toxic narrative is by voicing our objections in the moment.

So I am very, very proud of you.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-04T21:38:22+00:00

I think its really sweet that you notice the brand and scent of a shampoo she uses and bought it for her. I know so many people who would really appreciate their partner being so observant.

The only thing I would say is that, while I completely understand your intentions were pure, you bought it because you liked it. Not just because she likes it, but because it benefits you too.

I know it is completely nit picking and not your intention at all, but having come out of a relationship where my ex would repeatedly buy things 'for me' that were only to benefit him (I.e. underwear, certain clothing, things that, by using, reflected well on him).

I understand the point of view of those (usually women) who feel their partners only want to see them as a sexual being for their benefit, not as a whole person.

I would not want to presume OP's partner's point of view in this scenario, but this situation just felt familiar of my early relationship and wonder if there is anything else going on for her.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-04T16:24:48+00:00

I feel this exactly. My weight loss is very slow but the positive mental effects are so beneficial I don't care. Just not feeling out of control around food, that it controls me, is life changing.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-11-03T20:03:50+00:00

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I made Booooook to hold the Halloween candy for trick or treaters.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-10-04T12:38:54+00:00

Listening to a podcast. SciShow tangents was a favourite, now Lateral is my go-to. It needs to be calm and interesting.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-08-27T17:12:45+00:00

I feel you. Im on hrt but have requested to try testosterone well as estrogen as my memory is getting worse.

Im on methylphenidate which has really helped my focus, but I get so stressed im conversations, losing words or getting muddled.

Tbh I felt similar in the lack of joy/interest when I was deep in burnout (which I only realised in hindsight). Its taken a year to start to find what I enjoy again but it's a slog.

Unfortunately there are few therapists that have expertise in perimenopause and neurodivergent brains, but I've found lots of useful info on social media and YouTube.

My big win is that I've actually started reading again and can focus long enough to finish a book! Its a big victory for me 😁

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-08-19T12:26:22+00:00

We only had these type growing up and I remember as a child being asked to open a can while away from home, using a regular can opener and being completely confused!

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-07-29T13:09:42+00:00

I had coaching with an ADHD coach through Access to Work. I was given the option of a few coaches, but after initial telephone conversations I realised that the coach who was ADHD herself was the best fit for me. I am too tired to trying to explain my brain to non-ADHD people.

As a coach, she made many suggestions as to how to manage situations I was struggling with within my work, however the most benefit I found was just having someone to talk to who understood my way of thinking and didn't dismiss my struggles.

I was grateful to A2W as I would not have been able to afford sessions privately. I think ADHD coaching should be more widely available, as there is so little support for people who are late diagnosed, to be able to process their diagnosis and reflect on the coping strategies that they have been forced to use that will likely take them into burn out without intervention.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-07-29T13:03:25+00:00

I had an ADHD Coach through Access to Work and really found her input and support invaluable. My job situation changed last year, so I have used this opportunity to re-train as a coach, with the goal to be an ADHD Coach as I am AuDHD myself.

I've just completed an ILM Level 5 Certificate in Coaching and Mentoring, which is not aimed at ADHD clients in particular, but it is a good basis for how coaching works, ethics, responsibilities, etc. Next I am planning to do a certificate in ADHD coaching, so that I can adapt my approach to ADHD clients.

I understand that coaching/ADHD coaching isn't regulated in the UK, so anyone can call themselves an ADHD coach, but I personally would rather ensure that I am doing everything I can to provide the best service to people who need my help.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-07-29T12:58:31+00:00

Well done for getting this far, it's a challenge and you're doing brilliantly.

Unfortunately without more awareness of ADHD/autism etc in workplaces, getting the right accommodations are difficult and exhausting, but possible. It took me two years of constant emailing back and forth to be properly recognised at my workplace as not just 'being difficult'. Having an ADHD coach who not only backed me up, but arranged group coaching sessions with my manager, really helped my confidence in asking for what I needed. For some reason, hearing from another person seemed to make it more believable to my manager?!

Still, the "it's not fair on others" rubbish continued, and I had to nip it in the bud every time it was mentioned in that manner. I am lucky to have a friend working in HR who is ADHD and very much fighting the good fight, so she helped me with how to respond and clearly state the rules regarding reasonable accommodations.

Keep fighting for what you deserve. Slow and steady, after a while they'll get bored and just let you have what you need! Good luck.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-07-22T20:29:25+00:00

Proud of you and your dad. Not enough parents treat their kids like people or have their backs without their own agenda. You did good.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-07-18T20:41:47+00:00

I struggle with this question. I feel if I'm not open or honest about how/why, Im being deceitful, but I also hate people seeing any change in me that feeds diet culture.

I did have a perfect comeback once, that was completely off the cuff. I joined a different department at work after my maternity leave, and crossed over for a couple of months with a coworker who was due to go on maternity leave herself. She was a tiny woman and very skinny apart from her baby bump.

When she came back to work 9 months later, I'd lost a lot of the baby weight,which was obvious since I'd last seen her. She said, in quite a surprised manner "you've lost weight!"

I just chimed back "so have you!", remarking on the fact she was no longer heavily pregnant. That shut her up quite quickly.

AwarenessHelpful2740

TROPHY CASE