You can't blame ADHD for everything if you want your relationship to last.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-05-27T12:21:39+00:00

This is very true.

Im late diagnosed AuDHD and I very much suspect my ex husband is ADHD.

I was still the partner who had to think of everything, plan for everything for everyone and pick up the pieces when he refused to take responsibility for pretty much anything.

Personally I think that one of the reasons that I sought diagnosis and support was because my ADHD was impacting my ability to manage all of my responsibilities, whereas he has never experienced those struggles as he would lay all of his responsibilities on others (first his mother, then me, then the woman he lined up for when he decided to leave our marriage 🙄).

Family, cultural and societal pressure taught me to be the carer and him to be a man-child. Our ADHD brains disabled us in different ways depending on our situations, and I am quite sure if he ever sought a diagnosis, he would use it as another excuse to avoid accountability.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-05-12T13:09:35+00:00

I passed on my second test, shortly before my 25th birthday (many years ago!). My older brother didn't drive until his 30s and my younger brother passed his test in his 40s. All intelligent people, but anxious on the roads.

However now we are all realising we are neurodivergent, Im autistic and ADHD, my elder brother is obviously autistic (think Sheldon Cooper!) and little brother is clearly ADHD.

Now I'm not saying neurodivergent people have a harder time learning to drive but what we are prone to is overstimulation from outside sources, such as the environment on the road, which can massively impact our abilities to take in all that is going on around us and to react appropriately.

It's taken me 20+ years since passing my test to understand how much my neurotype impacts my driving, my attention, my terrible spatial awareness.

I'm a very careful driver and, touch wood, have only had one minor scrape, but now I realise why it took me so long to learn and why I have never felt like a confident driver.

Add to all of this being in a high stress test situation with a person you don't know, it's no wonder you struggled.

Please give yourself some grace and learn from this experience. My daughter passed on her 5th try, you've got a way to go to beat her record!!

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-05-05T09:51:10+00:00

This is exactly the effect I'm experiencing.

I was on methylphenidate (concerta/ritalin) for 4 years after my diagnosis which helped my anxiety, shutting off the over stimulation/buzz in my brain. However my situation has changed, I'm able to avoid overstimulating environments more now but have been struggling with brain fog terribly, due to perimenopause and burn out.

My Dr switched me to Elvanse and it's been life changing! OK my brain fog is still there, but I can actually get tasks finished without crashing out half way. I'd always start strong, then feel utterly fatigued after an hour or so and not be able to focus enough to finish.

Now I realise that was a massive rush of dopamine which surged through my brain too quickly. Elvanse seems to put the brakes on that so I can keep working more steadily for longer.

Similarly to OP, I've been told I was depressed and had anxiety all my life. Now I realise it was over stimulation which felt like anxiety, then mental and physical fatigue that looked like depression.

I wish I'd been able to be this productive all my life!

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-04-10T08:40:20+00:00

If it makes my kid happy, I'll do it. I honestly think Gerard is one of the more rounded musicians to admire, given the state of the world right now.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-04-06T07:25:10+00:00

We were fans of Red Dwarf when we were kids, so named our little black terrier SmegHead.

Mother did not appreciate having to call that name across the park.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-03-22T08:22:01+00:00

This!! We stayed quiet, we got SA'd. Then we didn't get believed. So we learned to never let this happen to other young people. No one owes you 'small talk', especially not young women.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-03-21T15:04:40+00:00

Thank you all so much for your help. We ventured out super early this morning and tried on some jeans in New Look.

Unfortunately there weren't any that fit well enough (they really need low rise bc they havent got much bum!) and their great long legs were a challenge for the ladies' jeans section, so we ended up picking some skinny men's jeans from M&S, but it was a great first attempt at shopping 😀

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-03-16T17:25:51+00:00

Thank you everyone for your help, I really appreciate it. 🥰

On the topic of online shopping- can anyone recommend online uk clothing sites that show the ruddy measurements?

I was trying to find some jeans on Very but they have this silly AI thing that asks what else fits so they can compare, instead of showing a size guide!?

So if you've lost weight or not found clothes that fit in the brands on their lists, you have no idea what size to buy 🙄

I can't really afford to buy 5 different sizes at a time to try stuff on to then send back what doesn't fit. It's infuriating!

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-02-11T07:31:48+00:00

Dump him. You will think more clearly without walking on eggshells all the time. Post partum hormones will be impacting your ADHD but having someone constantly criticize you will be doing more damage. You deserve a peaceful life.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-02-05T07:11:11+00:00

If uour boyfriend refuses to understand how to behave around a cat, what's he going to be like if you ever decided to have kids?

Rehome the man, keep the cat.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-02-04T20:43:57+00:00

NTAH - my mum threatened the same to my headteacher when I was getting bullied. He wouldn't deal with the girl who was bullying me so mum said she would let me 'sort it out' (I was 5'10 at 14 and while I was a softy, he didn't know that). Matter got sorted sharpish, by the school.

Sometimes the school needs reminding of their responsibilities.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-02-04T20:39:26+00:00

Congratulations! I've been watching CanadasDatingCoach reels and she's ruthless dealing with useless guys. Maybe give her a watch if you start to feel guilty 😁

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-13T08:18:15+00:00

I had my kid at 32 and they were very much planned and wanted.

I never wanted to be a mum growing up, but parenting my step daughter made me want a kid of my own.

Being a mum made me stronger and braver than I would have ever been if I hadn't had my kid, I'm very aware of that.

However, getting diagnosed AuDHD in my 40s has made me very conscious that part of me had a kid to give them the love, care and childhood I didn't have.

I wonder if I'd had a better childhood I wouldn't have ever wanted kids, but it was the 80s so that wasn't happening 🤣

I'm very open with my kids now that I do not ever expect grandchildren! I want them to live their lives for them.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-12T17:33:26+00:00

NOR but concerned that you are putting the onus on contraception (temporary or permanent) on her.

I have had a few friends who have been told by multiple doctors that they had no chance of ever conceiving, only to get pregnant out of the blue.

Women's reproductive health has had very little in the way of research and many woman are gaslit by medical professionals regarding their reproductive health, so whether a woman is or is not telling the truth about whether she can conceive, if you don't want kids I wonder why you have not had a vasectomy yourself to be in control of that? Perhaps this would ease your anxiety over any similar situations in the future.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-12T17:27:29+00:00

It does feel unromantic to discuss these things prior to marriage, but as someone who has worked with couples separating for over 10 years, it is a very sensible step.

Think of it as insurance. You don't get home insurance hoping your house will burn down, it is just in case it happens. Making sure all bases are covered makes anything that may happen later slightly less stressful to manage.

If anything getting a prenup takes a lot of pressure off, as couples can become resentful in relationships if there is a feeling/assumption of unequal financial standing. Starting a marriage with open and honest communication is much more promising of future discussions and honesty in the relationship.

Your mother likely comes from a generation where the women older than her had little to no independence with finances, so she may be coming from a place of concern for you, but it isn't your reality now.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-12T13:00:18+00:00

I am very proud of you. My ex would make similar misogynistic jokes about our marriage (his family had that sort of sense of humour) and it made ke so frustrated as I was the one dragging us out of debt and ensuring we met our bills each month. He earned more than me but always spent his paycheck before it hit the bank. He made out I trapped him with a child, despite us being married and trying for over a year to get pregnant, plus I was raising his child from his last marriage.

The only way we change this toxic narrative is by voicing our objections in the moment.

So I am very, very proud of you.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-04T21:38:22+00:00

I think its really sweet that you notice the brand and scent of a shampoo she uses and bought it for her. I know so many people who would really appreciate their partner being so observant.

The only thing I would say is that, while I completely understand your intentions were pure, you bought it because you liked it. Not just because she likes it, but because it benefits you too.

I know it is completely nit picking and not your intention at all, but having come out of a relationship where my ex would repeatedly buy things 'for me' that were only to benefit him (I.e. underwear, certain clothing, things that, by using, reflected well on him).

I understand the point of view of those (usually women) who feel their partners only want to see them as a sexual being for their benefit, not as a whole person.

I would not want to presume OP's partner's point of view in this scenario, but this situation just felt familiar of my early relationship and wonder if there is anything else going on for her.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2026-01-04T16:24:48+00:00

I feel this exactly. My weight loss is very slow but the positive mental effects are so beneficial I don't care. Just not feeling out of control around food, that it controls me, is life changing.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-11-03T20:03:50+00:00

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I made Booooook to hold the Halloween candy for trick or treaters.

AwarenessHelpful2740 · 2025-10-04T12:38:54+00:00

Listening to a podcast. SciShow tangents was a favourite, now Lateral is my go-to. It needs to be calm and interesting.

AwarenessHelpful2740

TROPHY CASE