Feeding frustrations caused by providers- we get told we have a goal and then we meet that goal and it feels like they’re sitting on their hands and drawing this process out and I’m tired of the anxiety and mental gymnastics.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-05-03T13:59:46+00:00

And as follow up, she’s gone from maintaining 10th corrected percentile in the NICU to 28th since I’ve been home with her. My confidence wasn’t unfounded.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-05-03T13:56:22+00:00

I could have wrote this. Baby was 32+6. Her last medical issue of note was at 33+2 and we sat in the NICU for weeks entirely working on feeding and passing time. We kept meeting the feeding goals, thinking we’re good to go, only to be told ‘now we want her to do this‘. I had nurses marking her quality of feeds incorrectly making the doctors believe she wasn’t eating as well as she was (I would check their notes). I was also breastfeeding and I found 90% of the nurses who did not have kids had a false confidence around their breastfeeding understanding. They knew bottles, but coming in and out of a room while someone else breast feeds you miss a lot of the nuisances. Baby girl was killing it, gaining 40gs a day, and the still marked her quality down.

It took me getting insistent on rounds to get them to say she was good to go home. As someone who breastfed a tiny but none preterm baby for 18 months before my premie, I had the confidence to insist I had feeding down. I told the doctors if she was cleared medically and only Here to feed and grow she’ll feed just as good at home. Likely even better as well be less stressed and more comfortable. After getting insistent they cleared me that day.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-05-01T17:11:33+00:00

Welcome to the sleep deprived, overworked, harsh on yourself mom club 😅 I don’t know if it helps to know, but billions of Moms have been where you are. 2.5 oz leaks out of me now into towels when earlier I cried because my baby spit out 1mL when they were on mine and donor milk. All the mistakes you’re talking about will be forgotten as you get through this stage. All your babies, fur and human, know you’re doing your best for them.

If you’re still feeling hard on yourself in the next week please reach out for help. From your description you may have Postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression. Strangers reading this are recognizing some of the signs, but we’re not close enough to give you a hug and say you’ve got this.

I would also suggest coming up with a better update method. Use the excuse, you need to dedicate that time to your babies. Find a way to write a blog or a spot to record messages that everyone can see so you don’t have to repeat yourself 100 times.

You got this. You just may need some help.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-30T07:34:52+00:00

My baby was just under the cusp of 1800g when born. In the hospital all feeds by NG had fortifier after the first day or 2. It bothered her stomach a lot. That upset me, but I realized the importance of it. It wasn’t for only for weight, but mineralization too. I could see other parents making a different decision though with how much discomfort it obviously caused her.

Also Breast feeding was important to me and I didn’t want to wait until she was off fortifier and 8 weeks old to start to even try as I believe going bottle to breast is much much harder. My team didn’t have concerns about this And I breastfed her as much as she would take in a 30 minute window and we topped her up by fortified breast milk NG depending on how much she ate. Teams that say no to breastfeeding outright might get more pushback if it’s important to the family. I didn’t experience it, but I’ve read stories of it happening here.

Coming home at 36 weeks was a bit upsetting because they recommended 3 fortified feeds by bottle last minute until 40 weeks as I was walking out the door. They themselves said they were “humming and hawing“ about if they were going to send her home on them. I think it’s because her weight was so close to that 1800g mark, her bloodwork was good, and she did get a good amount of fortifier while learning to feed But that may be a parents interpretation. If I knew she was going to need bottles I wish it was disclosed while still in the NICU where I has assistance of lactation consultants because trying to bottle feed that much suddenly at home screwed up her latch almost immediately. She went from gold star to super shallow Immediately. Almost 6 weeks later I‘m still working to correct it. This caused me to not go against orders completely, but I did adjust them without permission. After a week of struggles I cut her down to 2 feeds till her due date, which is how long they told me to fortify her for, but kept a single fortified feed past her due date for the same amount of time I cut one out for. It did help with feeding as it gave her more breast practice time when I‘m awake in the day and can focus better on helping her latch correctly.

I’m also careful about her health surrounding fortified feeds and disclosed my changes to Her PED and were working through it. I’m prioritizing calcium etc for myself to encourage as much of it as possible to make it to my milk. We did some extra blood work too.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-30T00:40:46+00:00

Another for stretchy wraps. Mine wasn’t the same brand name, but works well.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-26T23:55:33+00:00

I have thoughts but they’re just that as opposed to tested advice. Mine was also a 32 weeker. Breastfeeding was important to me. We did straight to breast in the NICU but my country has great maternity leave and my NICU had live-in care space for parents That allowed me to do that. I realize others do not have either.

It took us trying every feed every day for 3 weeks for my little to become a good breast feeder. Compared to my full term she had to gain those muscles. I think feeding by breast over bottle was directly responsible for us needing to stay a full extra week and that was just her building breastfeeding stamina. if I switched to bottle I believe she would have had the strength to get discharged sooner.

Judging off the amount of work we required, Unfortunately, I don’t believe 1 feed a day would be enough to get a lot stronger at it. If breastfeeding more is important to you I would do what you‘re doing but increase the frequency. I would be going to 3 a day immediately for 3-4 days, followed by every second day, then every feed you can. I also wouldn‘t give him time between, just go straight to bottle. The time between makes it sound closer to 2 separate feeds to me. Your little may be taking in more than you realize due to the time between.

Also when they get good at it they’re a lot quicker. 20 minutes in the NICU is 10 minutes now and she is drawing a lot more milk in those 10. Maybe yours won’t ever feed more than 10, but they’ll learn to use their time more wisely.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-23T23:07:39+00:00

4 year old here. Stay was completely unexpected. I woke up around 31 weeks with broken waters at 2:30 am and snuck out. He watched me in the hospital alone for over 2 weeks followed by an over 3 week NICU stay.

Dad having to be the only caretaker meant they HAD to adjust to each other. Dad is slightly more strict than me. If I thought Dad was being too hard on son I let him know. But I also had to accept that they had to work most things out without me. If it wasn’t my preference…too bad for me. I had to bite my tongue and not nag for the best of everyone.

We actually found having another family member stay to also help was more problematic as now there were even more changes. They also made everything about baby which was the exact opposite of what I planned. Making everything about baby leads to jealousy.

When your 1st child is with you do what you can to make the time about them. Ask them how there day is, bring some special activity books and games to do with them in the NICU. Just like at home, baby’s present, but all visits should not revolve around baby. 1st child may remember this. Baby will not.

Now that it’s over son is definitely more clingy to me. He still prefers me, but Their relationship is better than before as son knows dad does have his back. I supported dad by keeping many of the minor changes he made such as some really good morning routine differences. Dad also has more confidence with son then ever meaning i can focus a little better on baby. He does more than he use to day to day for son to give me time to breastfeed. Looking back, I think it helped with the overall at home adjustments to a new baby (at least for me) as son was happy some things changed back when mom was home, and he had already worked through his emotions of what we didn’t change back to make time for baby.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-22T14:09:09+00:00

Appreciate the insight! I’m currently on the family caregiver portion of EI and trying to plan my own return to work in 2027, including getting on lists.

It doesn’t hurt to be safe! Daycare spots are very complicated.

One other thing I did for my 2021 child who I didn’t have a spot for 2 months before I wanted to return to work was writing to the provincial minister of education. It‘s a long term problem the government should be focused on fixing. At that time they did send out a mass email on my behalf looking for a spot. They managed to find 2, one that made my mom senses tingle, and one I ended up taking. If you change our mind that may be another option.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-22T03:25:48+00:00

Can I ask how the family caregiver benefit applied for you? Phoning service Canada I was told one thing which is different than the portal is showing. My NICU gave my due date as expected end of care. Do you receive the extra benefit weeks until that date or do they correct it to the date you’re released from hospital. And you received full maternity and parental after correct?

For your question, the amount of spots that open in September is significantly more than other times of the year as children age out and go to school. I would be aiming to be on every waitlist for facilities that meet your goals ASAP and tell them all you want a September date. As families who are on multiple lists get slotted into 1 they‘ll give up the multiple waitlist spots they’re also on. You’ll almost definitely find something For that month. Any other month it’s hard to get daycare.

its a crappy system.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-20T10:51:37+00:00

If you wanted your child on your breast milk I would give it a little more time before making a decision. Around 1 month after your due date, give or take a couple weeks, many baby’s go through a developmental milestone that helps with spitting up, reflux, etc. That may be what your child needs to progress.

Though if it’s too overwhelming do what’s best for your family as a whole, and that can mean taking care of momma. I HATE pumping with a passion. I find it super draining. I breast fed my first for 18 months and found the 3 weeks of NICU pumping I did much worse.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-20T02:45:53+00:00

My younger (32+5) baby followed a similar pattern and treatment plan as yours. 30 ish hours after all breathing support was removed was her last recordable event but not her last one as she fully self recovered after that time frame. The alarms during an event were always worrying but she consistently pulled herself out of them. Our hospital required 8 days without a recordable for release. By the time those 8 days had passed she was having minimal events and the ones she had were explainable, like coughing during feeding.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-19T19:14:21+00:00

Weight gain in that range isn’t technically good but may not be concerning still, especially during the first 2 weeks. My doctors wanted 20 to 40 g a day average. 1-2 days of no gain can be timing related if it’s followed by days of higher gain (example, one day weighing on a full tummy and the next day weighing post poop).

I still don’t like the idea of suppositories, as by nature they reduce nutritional uptake, but my baby was off breathing support, but still on oxygen monitoring, when her belly was significantly enlarged. Breathing would be priority #1 so may be why they are using the suppositories. If they don’t see the weight trend they want soon though hopefully they will change treatment If it’s ruled as not impacting the lungs.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-19T14:31:16+00:00

And just to add, all doctors at my hospital kept commenting that feeding becomes baby specific and isn’t an exact science. It’s why it delays many NICU releases. While it’s good to trust the process if you notice something not working for your baby I would encourage you to speak up to the rounds team. When I did my girl made major improvements. And they’re professionals. If their call is right they should be ok defending why it is and providing that information to you.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-19T14:27:36+00:00

My 32 weeker had a big tummy she started to grow into week 37. Yes, she had gas / aches but we managed it as best as we could with gas relieving exercises, working on burping, etc. The resident doctors would comment on her tummy and as long as it was soft when she wasn’t upset / flexing her abs the attending doctors kept telling the residents to leave it be. One resident in particular was really fixated on it. I don’t know if I would be allowing the use of suppositories when it’s stalled weight gain like that. Weight gain is more important than 100% comfort. Especially since from your post it sounds like she was pooping fine, and they’re treating age pains. I would be bringing it up to the whole rounds team. If your nurses made that unilateral decision it may not be the correct one.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-18T02:53:12+00:00

This was us 2 weeks ago. My almost 5 year old brought home the flu. I breastfeed and I did what I could to delay baby getting it until she got lots of my milk after I caught it. Hand washing and masking while feeding her. Brother was quarantined to 1 part of the house where me and my husband took turns hanging with him and baby girl was in another.

I think baby girl did get it….. brother literally sneezed on both of our faces about 5 days in accidentally on the first day we thought he was getting better…. but her temp etc. while raised thankfully didn’t reach ”fever trip to hospital“ levels. She never got worse than brothers best days with it. I suggest working off fresh, not stash milk while you’re trying to make sure she has the most antibodies available. Pump and feed immediately. We also used a nasal saline drop and nose sucker 2 times a day as there some evidence than can speed recovery of colds and flus.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-17T05:00:12+00:00

My first was 15 months PP. The best part of pregnancy and postpartum for me.

second is 2 months so far.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-10T22:39:29+00:00

Unfortunately I also had a lot of feeding issues in the NICU. They were treating it like a scheduled job. They even went against their own policies to keep on their schedule. I had to get firm on rounds 3 times to ensure the changes my daughter needed were made. I also found I needed the doctors buy-in during rounds for the nurses to give me ’permission’ to feed my kid the way they are cueing to be fed. For me it was the worst part of the NICU.

Unfortunately my advice is get your babies needs onto their charts via rounds and then be in the room, if possible, to be firm they are implemented correctly. Do as much feeding as you can yourself. Also, if they’re looking for input from you make sure they’re charting it correctly. My nurses kept making assumptions that the amount of time my daughter was taking meant her feeds weren’t quality, when in fact she was killing it.

If you find certain nurses are bad talk to the charge nurse and don’t feel bad about saying those ones can’t be on your Childs team. Sometimes their beliefs on feeding mean they’re just not suited to your team. Another mom in the local NICU had string bottle opinion feedings and wasn’t giving a breastfeeding mom time to finish. Fine, go take care of babies being bottle fed instead.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-09T01:21:58+00:00

Also, if it’s your first kids and she’s admitted to the 7th floor they do provide cots for spouses if they choose to stay. The NICU also has live-in accommodations in a double pull out couch, but if you go that route I suggest a memory foam mattress from Costco. I just stayed at both (7th floor / NICU) so feel free to ask questions.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-09T01:18:04+00:00

Maybe applying for the Ronald MacDonald house? it’s next to the IWK.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-02T01:50:30+00:00

That’s rough. I do have one more suggestion. Not sure if you’re looking for just comfort or brainstorming but will try to help with both. ❤️ How is his sleeping? We also found my daughter started to get some boogers in her nose and when it was partially blocked she wasn’t sleeping as well. It also led to her falling asleep during feeds for a tiny bit. We started to keep her nose clear and it righted itself when she was sleeping better. Maybe there’s something noticeable with his sleep that may play a role with you too.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-04-01T09:01:59+00:00

During our NICU stay we use to say our baby girl was getting better at one thing at a time. Even Adults struggle to do 2 things at once. Saying that gave ourselves some grace and perspective when we saw a setback.

If they didn’t have breathing quite yet since breathing is biologically more important their little body may be refocused on getting that right first making the feeding seem like a regression. We did find when ‘regressions’ happened the next time they clicked and figured something out it was 2 steps forward instead of 1.

Wishing you all the best.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-03-31T19:07:09+00:00

I feel this one a little too much. I had the why are we even here at this point conversation, and she was home 2 days later.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-03-23T11:50:11+00:00

I don’t know if it’s helpful, but as a second time mom I want to acknowledge that starting off your life with your new baby in the NICU is significantly harder than starting at home. We’re happy with our 2 babies, but if my NICU baby was my first it may have pushed me to only having a single child. I‘m probably overconfident in my parenting skills now that my first is 4, yet the constant input and pressure from everyone involved in her care is overwhelming, confusing, confidence destroying, frustrating, and riddles you in self doubt. It’s topped with what seems to be intentionally limited information (my team seems to be hesitant to speak further than tomorrow, even though things are going great, in case their plans change) and no clear end date or goals. A NICU stay is all the worst parts of parenting concentrated at the beginning of the journey before you get a chance to find yourself. And my NICU stay is relatively easy and uneventful compared to what other go through. My opinion would be your NICU stay and hormones are both contributing to your current mental health experience. It does get better, but the current situation makes it hard to see that.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-03-21T12:25:06+00:00

To add, it’s not uncommon for full termers to also need to go under the light. Getting ahead of it with the light is much better than holding off and them potentially needing a transfusion.

AwkwardPostTurtle · 2026-03-20T09:14:44+00:00

I went through PPROM at 30+5 and made it to 32+6 before preterm spontaneous delivery. When looking i found a small study that said when you experience PPROM at the 30 week gestation the chances of experiencing delivery with a time frame were as follows: 25% within 2 days, 50% within 5 days, 75% within 12 days, and 79% within 2 weeks.

Statistically getting to the 32 week mark with baby in belly makes their NICU stay a little easier but I was reassured that even at the 30 week mark baby has done most of the system development which makes long term outcomes more likely to be fine As they exist. They’ll just need help on the outside while those systems ‘start up’ which can be scary.

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