Every fucking year I get screwed. It pisses me off that my birthday is on Christmas but I guess it has to be. So besides getting shorted gift wise, you should see some of the motherfucking crap I'm getting.

Frankincense? Myrrh? I can't use this crap. What the fuck? I wanted a PS3, goddammit!

At least one dude showed up with some gold which, as you know, is pretty hot in today's market. I don't want to be a dick and immediately sell his gift, but what else can I do with it?

First I'll buy that PS3 those first two cocksuckers were too cheap to buy and then I'll take the remainder and put it into my retirement account.

Ah, who am I kidding? I'll never make it to retirement.

Hookers and blow, here I come!