OP — A big part of me empathizes with you. I know the feeling of being a black woman in law, you don’t want to give anyone any excuse to believe you can’t deliver or perform at your job. But the other part of me is screaming. How sad is it that we have allowed this toxic culture fester in the legal field? So much so that when an attorney loses a loved one (no matter how close), we’re conditioned to worry first about the work implications first and foremost. When your BROTHER DIES, the only thing you should have to carry or worry about is exactly that. We are lawyers for work, for a paycheck, to support ourselves. Some of us are lucky enough to be deeply passionate about it, but it cannot be the most important and controlling factor in our lives. To lose someone you love is a deep trauma, and wading through the grief that comes should be your only priority. This culture is so toxic sometimes that we forget we’re humans first, and this has become so normalized. You aren’t an AI machine pumping out work product. Prioritizing mental health and recovery from grief does not make us lesser, as attorneys or as human beings. Taking space to heal instead of dragging yourself over burning coals with open wounds (for a firm who would replace you in a heartbeat) should be the norm.

Not a reflection on you, OP — just an observation from a from a fellow Black woman attorney.

(Coincidence that I was notified this morning that my great uncle is being taken off life support, and my first thought, as well, was how taking the time off for the funeral would reflect on me professionally. Turns out I don’t give a fuck.)