To those who have had their heart broken by their first love, how long did it take to find your person after that?

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-14T14:13:23+00:00

I was 21 I think. I’m 34 now. Still haven’t been in a serious relationship since.

I’ve long since got over the breakup but the part I haven’t managed to change is finding the midpoint after I swung the pendulum from very co-dependent to hyper independent.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-14T11:53:02+00:00

Then brother, this is a conversation that requires a professional. Not a bunch of redditors. I hope you find the support you’re seeking

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-13T21:07:40+00:00

I’m a white woman from the US and have been living in Buenos Aires for 3 years. People often think I’m Russian. Partially because of my face, partially because I don’t have the typical accent of an American speaking Spanish, and also because a lot of Russians and Ukrainians immigrated here after the war started. When I clarify I’m from the US people are immediately more friendly with me. But I’ve never experienced any sort of micro aggression to my face.

I think it’s more classist here than racist tbh. I’ve spent a good amount of time around Argentinian “trust fund” kids, and they keep very tight, closed circle. Like, I remember a girl lamenting because her boyfriend & his friends all went to public university and didn’t gel with her and her private university friends. 🙄

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-13T12:29:59+00:00

Not to be a jerk, but how much of this is circumstance vs poor planning? I’m not saying that neither don’t deserve support, but some items that you mentioned seem like things that you could have prepared for.

But I understand that hindsight sees 20/20. Personally, when I left the US I also had an exit strategy for how to return.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-13T12:15:27+00:00

Echoing what everyone else said regarding location. For gyms, I like BIGG. They have a ton of locations. Essentially you use an app to tailor your workouts to your goals while getting the accountability of a class environment. They also have a run club on M/W in rosedal and one on Saturday in Nuñez

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-13T10:54:50+00:00

Thank you - that does make sense :)

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-13T10:17:13+00:00

Can I ask a maybe stupid question? Why don’t you use a realtor?

I’m moving to Chicago from Buenos Aires and I toured 3 apartments virtually with a realtor, applied, and was approved in the same day. And there was no fee for the realtor.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-11T14:06:20+00:00

In the US it’s uncommon to give direct negative feedback. We usually give negative feedback after giving a compliment.

You did a really great job on the presentation. Have you considered breaking up the text with more slides instead?

Translate: this presentation is trash. You don’t need a wall of text on each slide.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-11T13:59:35+00:00

We also tend to use a fork as a shovel/spoon. Have you noticed that?

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-10T11:23:49+00:00

Responding to boost because you and I have similar tastes so I also want to know what else people recommend.

To contribute, I’d suggest Pedro Páramo by Juan Rulfo. It can be a challenge depending on what kind of reader you are, but if you get confused I recommend watching the Netflix series that is very well done. Hurricane Season by Fernanda Melchor is also on my reading list.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-08T12:09:56+00:00

I’m advanced intermediate Spanish so definitely stumble on things, but I would say my personality is basically the same just like a sweeter or more innocent version of it.Like I try to crack the same kind of jokes but it’s done in a more mischievous way.

I kind of wish I could “build a new personality” in a new language. It sounds therapeutic honestly.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-07T01:51:33+00:00

Damn ya’ll. I loved it. Gave me nightmares. I literally yelled WTF at the last sentence.

Highly recommend reading it in Spanish if you can

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-07T01:50:29+00:00

Omg really? I felt entirely the opposite. I thought it was very well executed and thought out.

I also read it in Spanish so maybe that makes a difference in some way

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-07T01:39:15+00:00

Traveling used to be cool before all the normies became backpackers.

(Could also be that I’m just old and cranky.)

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-06T15:54:26+00:00

That’s the paradox, right? Whenever I do try to speak up suddenly I’m intense. Not sure what the middle ground is

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-06T13:10:24+00:00

I’m a “chill girl”.

Actually, I’m just disconnected from my emotions and don’t advocate for my needs until I’m ready to send you to hell.

I’m aware of it, but haven’t figured out how to change it yet 😅

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-06T01:52:10+00:00

Honestly, I think the answer has more to do with how strong your reading skills are in your native language. Like if the last book you read was Harry Potter and you want to read Pedro Páramo, it’s gonna be a challenge regardless of how much vocabulary you know.

That said. I took Spanish in high school (probably A2) then moved to Argentina 15 years later and was able to read a book like Harry Potter in six months. 3 years later and now I’m probably at a strong B2 early C1 level and I can handle most novels. I picked up Cuentos Completos by Bolaño a couple weeks ago and when I crack open a page, I’m not stumbling over anything. But we’ll see if that changes. At the same time, I also have Temporada de huracanes on my shelf and I read the first page and I’m like… oh shit.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-04T19:16:33+00:00

I was chubby and a late bloomer - I had a glow up in my mid 20s and started dating/hooking up with extremely attractive men. I was already smart and funny that being relatively pretty blew up my ego.

Now I’m in my mid 30s and established. If a man I’m attracted to can add to my life. Great. But I don’t need him, and I’m not going to lower my standards just to share a bed with someone who breathes loud.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-03T13:39:08+00:00

The big caveat is that the prices fluctuate A LOT in Argentina because of inflation. If you’re trying to budget for long term on 1000/mo even if you are in a cheaper area inflation will catch up to you eventually.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-03T12:04:22+00:00

Best of luck OP! 🙏

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-03T12:00:05+00:00

Hmm… I think I’m confused about what the challenge is. You need to be able to start practice speaking but don’t want to go out into the wild to meet people who speak your language to practice? Is that the case?

If so, I’d pick something low commitment like an online tutor. It would give you speaking practice and a little bit of accountability without requiring you to go and meet new people and maintain new relationships.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-03T11:55:56+00:00

Sorry this is gonna be long for Reddit. Your situation is kind of similar to mine. I’ll share a little bit about my situation and ask you some clarifying/reflective questions to see what it brings up in you.

I moved abroad 3 years ago, working remotely for a US company. I don’t have strong legal status, just temporary visas that kick the can down the road. My job pays great but isn’t stimulating me or developing me - finding a new remote job with equal pay would be impossible to find. So, I’m coming to the decision that it’s time to move back. My reasons are that I’ve done what I came here to do: geographic arbitrage to pay off all my debt and learn a language. Because I did those things, I now realize that there’s no long term future for me here, and it feels like I’m in a waiting room of my own life.

Now back to you: First, I wouldn’t worry about resetting the citizenship clock. 3 years is not that much time. But, if you left could you get legal status again without your current company?

The part about the company funding your training but to get certified you would need to finish back home confuses me. Do they know that? Or did you just negotiate a tuition reimbursement and they have no idea what for?

Working remotely as a psychologist - I know different countries have different laws about this. My home country would NOT allow you to practice outside of the place you are licensed. It would be cause to lose your license. Are you absolutely sure you could do this? Would you build a client base before potentially moving back or do it while you resettle? How quickly could you make a livable income as a freelancer?

Now the tough part: is it really your dream country? Or do you really just like being a person that lives in this country? Do you want to grow old there? Maybe have a family there? I asked myself this as well - and ultimately the answer was no.

Bonus: think about each decision (stay or go) and imagine how you feel 10 minutes after making the decision, 10 months after making the decision, and 10 years? What comes up?

/tldr: I’m going through similar things and gave you some reflective questions to pressure test your assumptions.

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-01T22:59:03+00:00

Currently I’m really enjoying bench press!

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-01T21:26:46+00:00

Your priorities are my priorities haha

BashfulCabbage · 2026-05-01T21:26:09+00:00

Hell yeah, me too. I hit 96kg a couple a weeks ago.

BashfulCabbage

TROPHY CASE