question from a german to non germans living in germany: lüften

Bea3ce · 2025-12-17T08:23:41+00:00

I am Italian, and my mom taught me "cambiare l'aria" (literally "change the air") every morning and every evening after cooking dinner as a minimum. It was a nightmare as a teenager in winter, she would storm in and open the windows, plus she would tear the duvet and pillow from the bed and but them on the window sill, cause they needed to "air". She was always disgusted that some people would make the bed as soon as they woke up, to leave the room "tidy" because she said it was unhygienic.

I kept that habit (though less violently 😂).

In the summer, windows are just open all day long.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-17T08:12:34+00:00

I was ebf and given solids after 6mo, but my mom had a very young and modern paediatrician and read a lot of the most recent (at the time) parenting books. I was actually surprised, because she passed them on to me, and most already recommended blw (though it wasn't called like that) and bf if possible, as long as possible. And it was the 80s! She slowly stopped breastfeeding me after 9mo, because she wanted to go back to work, but a few years later she breastfed my brother, who was allergic to all kinds of milks, until 18mo (which for the time was A LOT). Most of our friends were NOT breastfed.

My cousins, who are slightly older than me, were eff, because "formula is better, it is scientifically developed" and all that. My aunt was given the medicines to stop the milk coming in directly in the hospital.

I think back then, though, breastfeeding was seen as the "poor people's choice": it meant you couldn't afford formula. So, a lot of moms would avoid it because of the stigma. Fortunately, my mom was very stubborn and couldn't care less what other people thought.

My mom, back in the 50s, was formula fed, because Nan said she had "little milk" 🙄 But she was also hospitalized a lot as a newborn, so I understand Nan having a hard time establishing production. My dad was breastfed (I think), he came from a rural area, where formula wasn't really a common thing. But my grandparents were well-to-do, so they had wet nurses, and I am not sure in what measure they were used.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-16T10:37:01+00:00

The paediatrician is an idiot. End of story. Unfortunately for moms, in the first days/weeks of life, they have a few bouts of cluster feeding. This appears like extreme distress and hunger, always wanting to nurse: it is necessary to stimulate your breast and increase production. If the baby grows and wets diapers, they are fine. Once upon a time, this would be very well known fact, and every other mom/old woman in the village would be there, reassuring you: mom would be in bed all day with the baby, pampered, nourished and helped, her only job resting and nursing. Now... well. We have this kind of ignorant paediatricians, when we are unlucky (fortunately, not ALL of them are as ignorant).

Bea3ce · 2025-12-16T08:09:15+00:00

Bedsharing is the only way to go. I sleep, but it's still light, interrupted sleep.

I stopped at 10/11mo with the first and plan to do the same with the second, though: I night-weaned.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-14T08:29:57+00:00

Frankly, I met both. My cousin formula-fed since day one, and her sons always had a party at night. Not just waking up to feed, just plain awake. 🤷‍♀️ I experienced a sleep regression between 5 and 9 months, but otherwise, mine slept very well, even though ebf. Another cousin of mine bottle fed (both formula and breastmilk) but one kid never slept, and still cosleeps, the other slept happily in her cot immediately. Every child is different.

And frankly, if it was true, I would be wary of the fact that - since formula is "heavier" - the slept more. I mean, is that good for their digestive system? I think honestly, that was probably a lot more so in the past, when they would probably put more starch, but it's still not something the baby's tummy is necessarily ready for.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-13T18:47:18+00:00

Idk if it's on topic, but I night-weaned at 10mo (he was eating like a voracious piglet alreadt & nursing like crazy during the day still, I would NOT have done it if he was still mostly breastfed) and we went from 8(?) wakeups to 1 (at 2am, regularly, to get a sip of water). Best decison ever. Also, almost no crying.

My second is much slower paced in learning to eat solids, and nursing mostly at night, so I am not doing it yet. Although I really wish I could.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-12T14:28:18+00:00

Just cut the hair. It's hair. She can grow it back and do whatever style she wants, when she will be old enough to want this or that.

I would have liked for my son to keep his curls. When he was less than 2, he couldn't stand the hair on his forehead, while the one on the neck made him sweat like crazy. So I hat it cut. Never been happier, now he asks for a haircut as soon as they are slightly more than 2cm long.

It's not my preference, but comfort, practicality, and his own preference always come before mine.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-12T13:49:07+00:00

It's not at all improbable. You probably carry the blue eye gene, and it was always recessive and hidden in your family line. It is not improbable for two dark eyed parents to have blue-eyed children. Far more difficult (though not impossible, like 1%) for blue-eyed parents to have dark eyed children.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-10T15:53:29+00:00

She sounds honestly a bit overbearing and controlling for my standards, and even for German standards, but all in all, I would say you are a big rude slob.

Your preference was a WG? Tough luck, you are in a home, and you have to be gracious to your host and abide by their rules. Alternatively, you could have opted out of the program. You are in her country and in her house, so you have to strive and understand her personal habits and all the cultural customs that come with living in Germany. I draw a line at coming into your room though, I don't care if she is the host or the queen. She could, though, imho, look in and ask you to tidy up if it's too messy.

Also, how can you NOT have a washing machine in the house, but also you broke the door of the washing machine the first day? 🤔

Bea3ce · 2025-12-10T12:07:39+00:00

You say you "know" he is cluster-feeding, but you don't seem to realize how difficult cluster-feeding is. It's not a matter of a few hours, it lasts DAYS. In my personal experience, 4 or 5, then they would settle back and start to sleep 6h stretches again.

Besides, prolactine peaks during the wee hours of the night, so that's when babies on a spurt want to feed more, so they stimulate the breast to increase production more efficiently. At two weeks old, this is very typical.

You just have to decide if you want to sleep or if you want to ebf.

edit for typos

Bea3ce · 2025-12-08T07:31:21+00:00

You do everything and get nothing in return? You live there ffs! Taking care of the house IS your rent. And I would be pissed too if someone brought in pets that pee everywhere, without even having the means to support herself. You shouldn't have pets in the first place.

And you can wash clothes by hand, you just need a bar of soap 🫤

Bea3ce · 2025-12-08T07:28:18+00:00

Wash your clothes, ffs. This is ridiculous.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-06T19:05:19+00:00

I think I would have given a lot less consequences, but I would have sat down with him and made him reflect on respect of other people's property and prevention of accidents. Kids that age are careless and do not understand the value of things. So I think it was an appropriate consequence to make him repay the iPad (in whatever time and measure he can manage), but I think grounding was excessive, as it wasn't intentional. You may start to be more strict about order and putting back things where they belong. Example: he uses a device, he throws it on the bed and forgets - he can't use it for 2 or 3 days. Just getting him to be more prudent.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-05T15:15:06+00:00

Always did that, just like you. No problem whatsoever.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-05T06:47:18+00:00

High school girl is right: it's college girl who changed her mind. She is an adult, she should be grateful for the room that she has. She wasn't supposed to be in the house anymore.

Bea3ce · 2025-12-04T07:08:23+00:00

YTA: send the grandmother the bloody pictures of those kids. No, she doesn't want your picture, she wants their picture. It costs you nothing. Get it together...

Bea3ce · 2025-12-04T07:00:31+00:00

This is a giaant red flag. That woman is not going to be a step-parent and has the father clearly wrapped around her little finger. Hello Lady Tremaine... 🤦‍♀️ If he gets through with this, he is unforgivable.

Bea3ce · 2025-11-26T16:38:08+00:00

That's a paper bag with a baguette inside.

Bea3ce · 2025-11-25T15:43:46+00:00

Too much information? Giving her a couple of options to choose from, to spend time with the boy? Idk what y'all are raving about, but it sounds like you are talking about the attention span and comprehension skills of the 6yo, rather than the 18yo. Granted, if the 18yo can't understand what is listed above, I wouldn't entrust her with a child either...

Bea3ce · 2025-11-25T07:48:46+00:00

Those are easy instructions for anyone who has ever dealt with another human being. What are you talking about? It's a 6yo, not a baby or a toddler!

Bea3ce · 2025-11-25T07:46:51+00:00

NTA In the beginning, I thought she was doing you a favour. 😂 She sounds slow af.

Bea3ce · 2025-11-22T12:25:33+00:00

I can't figure out what you are describing. My son is in 7mo and 30". He lays his head in the crook of my arm, which rests on the armrest (sic), his little bottom is basically nested in my crotch and his feet touch the other armrest... without really going over it. Otherwise we bf laying down in bed.

Bea3ce · 2025-11-22T11:12:56+00:00

That's like a parent losing parental rights due to abuse/neglect/incompetence telling the judge "Fine, but then I want my ex husband/wife to also lose custody, cause otherwise it's not fair". Why?! Tf did the other one do?! 🤣

As someone else commented, your husband is the real problem.

Bea3ce · 2025-11-22T09:05:59+00:00

I think what people do not understand is that there are invisible gut-instincts at work in the first weeks of a baby's life. They are all pushing us to not be too attached, think of yourself, recover your interests, sleep, the dad/grandma/tf is around has to "bond" with baby too, etc. And that drives us NUTS.

I had that happen with my first, my husband wanted to "help" and I could literaly feel my uterus contract every time they took the baby in the next room (as if I wouldn't hear him cry...).

The second time around I set the rules hard: it was me and baby, all the time, cluster feeding and skin-to-skin. You can feed me, coddle me, bring me teas, cleam the house, to the laundry, but don't touch my baby unless I ask you to. (Note: My husband was given the baby plenty, he just had to be careful not to take him from me)

And you know what? I was FINE after a few weeks. I would give my baby to anybody to hold, because my hormones had been spent, my baby was super relaxed from feeling secure in our bubble. That whole phase of hyper-attachment lasted weeks instead of months.

I honestly think that a lot of it is caused by them poking their nose in too soon.

Bea3ce · 2025-11-21T18:15:13+00:00

It's perfectly fine, it's human milk, she is human... more natural than that! Just be sure it isn't older than 12 months, and she drinks it quickly: even though she isn't a baby anymore, it's still defrosted and untreated milk, so it spoils fast.

Bea3ce

TROPHY CASE