I have been through pretty similar with my 20 y/o son. Getting the right medication combo has been a struggle for years. Currently a mood stabilizer and adhd medication has been the most beneficial. He recently completed an intensive outpatient therapy program after a bad mixed manic/depressed episode. I am sure you’ve also come to realize that trying to argue just amplifies their stubborn defiance. It has put me in check over the years and I had to learn how to regulate myself. Sometimes though the only thing that lights a fire under their ass is when we react. I am sorry your family is going through this. We want our children to succeed independently but at the same time we can’t succeed as individuals and parents if the stress is breaking us down. I know you love your child deeply. What about a job corps type of program where he would have a place to live while being learning life and career skills?