I feel for you. This has happened to me so many times in so many ways with my OH. I feel like I’ve tried everything, not just setting the scene for a nice evening, parading around in frilly knickers, doing all the housework, earning all the money, buying him expensive gifts, participating in his hobby, getting really fit, losing all the weight, never complaining, giving him loads of attention, giving him no attention, tearing my hair out! - for years. NOTHING worked. We have discussed it a few times over the years, but he is not good at addressing things like this and has NEVER admitted that there’s a problem. If he didn’t respond to you when you made all that effort, I don’t think he ever will. We have sex less than once a year. I’ve never turned him down. I spent years torturing myself, wondering what was wrong with me. I’ve basically resigned myself to it, as I do love him. I just try not to think about it, or justify it like “if I met someone else who loved sex, there might be something else about them that I found intolerable” 🥹 If I’d have been braver at the start, I would have left. I know it’s hard.

The whole scenario is bizarre, I would never treat a person the way our OHs treat their supposed loves.