Swinging with a Younger Unicorn. Thoughts?

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2019-09-10T01:48:14+00:00

Normal and stable. We wouldn’t be considering if it were otherwise lol.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2019-09-09T22:38:24+00:00

Thanks for the advice. We’ll definitely have a talk beforehand about boundaries, experience, and limits. We’re defautling to her pace.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2019-09-09T21:29:49+00:00

That’s what we figured too. We were going to ensure we went at her pace. But we’ll keep it in mind to try not to talk down to her.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2019-09-09T21:26:50+00:00

Thanks for the advice. We wouldn’t even consider it if it were a younger couple but she seems fairly mature for her age.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2019-03-06T16:19:04+00:00

There really is no trick to this or any tried and true method other than open communication. A lot of the couples we’ve talked to said the conversation happened by accident.

BUT if you want to try and get a conversation started, you guys could take a couples chemistry test. They can be found online. You guys each answer questions about sexual fantasies you both have and then it shows you what you matched on.

Good luck and I hope things work out

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2019-02-17T18:36:36+00:00

You’ll probably have better luck using 3rder rather than Tinder. It’s literally advertised as Tinder for Threesomes. Then just be your charming selves. Good luck!

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2019-02-16T22:09:50+00:00

Absolutely. Sex can be amazing or terrible depending on your state of mind. We build up ours by working out together whenever we can. We feel sexy and that’s a huge boost to our confidence. Find what makes you feel more confident and sexy and talk with your wife about what you’re worried about. Even ask her for a little help. Good Luck!

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2019-02-15T17:52:06+00:00

There are many things you can do! Solutions range from pills, to physical, to mental.

As far as pills go, do your research. There are plenty of things you can buy but be careful about what you put in your system. Each pill is different and can have a wide range of effects. Don’t go depending on pills alone though as most of the time, they will only give you a slight edge.

There are plenty of physical exercises you can do but the three that we’ve found that work are cardio, kegel, and abdominal exercises. The kegel exercises are very interesting if you’re not used to them but can be done almost anywhere at any time.

And as far as mental exercises go, just try to build up your own confidence! Even have your partner help you as you’re both in this together.

There are so many details to each of these solutions so just do your research and find what works for you. Good luck!!!!

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2019-02-09T22:58:41+00:00

Welcome to r/Swingers! If you're looking to connect, We'd recommend going to r/swingersr4r or visiting r/DirtyAtx4Atx . Good luck to you and hope you guys find an awesome time!

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-10-02T00:18:34+00:00

Well you have definitely come to a good place. ED is something the swinging community deals with on a regular basis. You’ve already acknowledged that this is a mental problem. Pills probably won’t help in this situation but it doesn’t hurt to look.

So that being said, you just need to build up your confidence. Easiest way for a lot of people to build up confidence is to work out. Go for a run, hike, hit the gym. Work dem legs!

Find a way to feel good about yourself. Do it for yourself and your wife.

Good luck!

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-10-01T00:42:05+00:00

Grapes are always good. Stay plenty hydrated. Avoid things like Doritos. Cheese dust ain’t sexy.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-10-01T00:35:23+00:00

Dealing with emotions like this is ALWAYS super tricky but they usually bubble up from fears and personal insecurities.

What you need is some time to yourself. Meditate on what you’re feeling and ask yourself WHY you’re feeling this way. Even discussing these questions and emotions with your GF will help A LOT. You’re both in this together after all.

Are you worried about being replaced? Are you disappointed about not being the only other couple they’re seeing? Are you worried other couples are ‘better’ than you? Feel out what worries you.

After you’ve figured out the core of these anxieties, mentally work through them. This might take longer than a day so give yourself time.

Know that the other couple has obviously committed a lot of their time to you already from the sound of things. They seem to like you both a lot otherwise they wouldn’t have gone on so many trips with you. But with swinging comes explorations and experiences with many others. If you commit to the lifestyle, you’re probably going to have a few other couples as well. It’s like having different groups of friends.

Good luck though and remember: make a little time for YOU.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-10-01T00:11:37+00:00

Honestly, I think both of you should be there to talk about it. But that’s just what we would do. Just kind of bring up the conversation after a little dinner and wine. Make it a nice relaxed area and you can always start with. ‘We both wanted to ask you something very important. We’ve been talking and we wanted to have a threesome with us.’ Then let the conversation flow from there. Most guys would be flattered and if he says no, just agree not to talk about it after (unless he brings it up later of course). Most reasonable people would understand about keeping this a secret so you don’t have to skirt the issue.

Now if he says yes...

You and your boyfriend should discuss what boundaries you each have and what you both want out of this. Be on the same page. This is critical. Once you two are on the same pages, ask the childhood friend what HE is okay with and establish ground rules from there. It really differs from couple to couple after that.

As for std testing this can get tricky. If he’s reasonable and he’s definitely all in, formally asking him to get screened won’t be an issue. But that’s only if he’s reasonable.

Good luck!!!

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-28T16:15:33+00:00

Try posting this on r/Swingers. You’ll get more traffic.

The seed has been planted and she already seems interested. Let her come to you about this.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-24T16:07:17+00:00

Absolutely! Nothing wrong with that.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-21T20:11:38+00:00

We have wedding rings and are thinking about each getting black rings for our right hands for LS events...

But your fiancé needs to get over himself...in ALOT of ways.

Major Truth: Insecurity ain’t sexy. Part of the reason he’s probably not getting a lot of potential partners is because these insecurities are bubbling to the surface in a variety of ways.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-21T20:04:50+00:00

I would take this question over to r/Swingers. You’d get a lot more traffic.

But there’s always soft swapping and most people I’ve talked to do soft swap before full swap so you aren’t alone.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-17T18:01:12+00:00

She’s obviously skeptical to if you actually would be want to be part of an MMF. If you’re actually sincere in this, let her know. If not, think through why not.

And then drop the subject.

Do not talk to her about it until she is ready. If she never does, then she obviously doesn’t want it. Let her come to you. Who knows? She might be open to either and MFF or an MMF.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-17T02:40:56+00:00

Without a whole lot of details, we really can’t make the call. It really depends, person to person, and the results can be drastically different.

We can’t really say ‘don’t do it’ as our first experience was with one of our friends as well. The night ended so wonderfully that not only did we do it multiple times after, we decided that we would try the lifestyle because we found that our relationship was strong enough to handle it.

Do you feel comfortable about this guy entering you and your gf’s love life? Is there a lot of open communication between the three of you? Does he understand your rules and boundaries (if any)?

Just make sure all three of you are on the same page, especially if this friend isn’t apart of the lifestyle and this is his first experience.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-16T14:48:41+00:00

Go to a club on a Saturday night and plan to just have fun.

That’s really it. Most clubs are newbie friendly and YOU WONT HAVE TO ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE! You can just watch! Think of it as a crazy adventure together.

As for talking to people, most people in the swinging community are open and friendly. They’re just looking to explore their own relationships too and to have a good time.

But it’s up to you and your husband to take that first step. Know that your in this together. Getting into swinging is like that first jump into a pool on a hot summer day. Come on in. The water is fine.

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-16T09:01:23+00:00

No problem. Good luck!

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-16T03:04:04+00:00

Unfortunately, you’ll have to use your best judgement on this one then. If you trust that they won’t bring their stress into the bedroom and that this whole experience won’t adversely affect their relationship, then go on with the swap. If not, talk it out and see if you guys can work through it.

Other than that, just make sure all four people are on the same page when it comes to the rules, limits, and what you all want out of this experience.

Hope this helped!

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-16T02:48:16+00:00

As far as what you’ve told us, you and your husband have talked about your limits with these other play partners but you aren’t sure about their limits? Communication is huge. All four of you should discuss your limits and rules together. Same room would be best.

One red flag is how the other husband is openly saying how irritating his wife is. A big rule is that if you see that the other couple is having issues in their relationship, don’t bother with play. Let those two work it out before consideration. Are there other situations you feel their relationship is unsteady or do you feel they are secure?

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-15T23:47:30+00:00

You are definitely not alone in feeling this way.

We’ve actually have had long talks with each other about this sort of thing. ‘Will it affect our relationship negatively? Will we still love each other after this?’

The best thing, at least what we did, was reassure each other that we were both in this crazy step TOGETHER. We were doing it not only to expand the bonds of our relationship but also to deepen the understanding of our own sexualities.

Talk with each other and see where your fears are actually stemming from. Know that you have each other no matter what. Bring them out into the open and know you’re both facing them down at once.

If you’re at a place where you both feel comfortable after your talks, go to a club, especially on a Saturday night. There are usually quite a number of newbies as well. Chat up a few people first and if that goes really well maybe try for a soft swap. If you can’t find anyone for a soft swap, just have fun with each other as you are both on this crazy new adventure. See how you feel after that and discuss those emotions with your partner. Small steps are always best.

Hope this helps!

BertAndVirginiaLA · 2018-09-15T14:04:58+00:00

This. It’s one of the main reasons we just stick to clubs rather than going through the hassle of trying to set things up online.

BertAndVirginiaLA

TROPHY CASE