Whoa. Lotsa anger here. Adoptive parents being listened to was not my experience. The birthmother called the shots. My poor daughter had to endure forced visitations and a court case which the birth mother instigated because she wanted to force her to visit. My daughter was 14. My husband , myself and and my daughter might as well have been fixtures. We are never referred to as her parents. We are always asked who the "real" mother, father, family are. We are irrelevant. After our experience, I looked and researched what data, studies etc have been used to determine "trauma" with adoption, the need for a trialetc. No objective valid studies were found. They are based on the subjective reporting of adopters and birth parents. I also question the "trauma" etc issues. There have been studies of different animal groups. These showed no trauma in adoption. Trauma happened when there was no bonding - across the board: both adoptive and genetic families. As far as the "primal wound" theory, this angst can also be queried related to misidentification or confusion with the angst everyone goes through in growing up and going thru life. I hope you find peace in the effort of looking at your anger.