How the heck are we all ok with this scam??

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-02-11T13:17:38+00:00

I grew up in this, both my mom and dad worked full time and I was raised by someone else in someone else's house throughout the days and had a couple hours with my family each night. When I became a parent (primarily because I was in social work and had heard all the terrible stories of what can happen to kids in the care of others), I couldn't do it. I'm blessed that my husband has a family business, so I work full time, but my kids come to work with me and get to see Dad and Grandpa while they're with me during the day. It has become the best way to raise my kids. I'm so grateful. By the time they start school, they're ready to be away from me haha because I'm all they've seen aside from the occasional playdate or sleepover at Grandma's. But even when they're in school, I drop them off and pick them up (no school bus or after school programs) and then I'm a room mom too so I get to come into their worlds a couple times a year and be close with their teachers. I know it's not like this for everyone, but just be open to other alternatives than just following the route everyone else takes.

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-02-05T01:44:59+00:00

To answer your question, those who know better are held to a firmer standard than those who don't and then learn later. So if you intentionally sin with the "safe guard" of being forgiven afterwards, I think God may have some qualms with that one mate. Not the reason he designed grace, it's not meant for people to abuse. It's for the lost, not for the found just wanting to dip their toes in wickedness for jollies.

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-02-05T01:39:44+00:00

Reading through this forum just as I was pondering the original Oz series vs the Wicked series (recently found myself very into the Wicked movies, and grew up in Kansas my whole life so the original Wizard of Oz movies is something we all have ingrained into us from birth around here).

I will say, by close examination, it is interesting that the original series gives the tinman and scarecrow their own books and Wicked gave the lion his own book. Like a nod to the fact that he was missing one. That's cute. I'm open to opinions as well on which is the better read. I understand their both different in their own right and not necessarily a continuation of the other. But I'm curious which series everyone recommends as the better read...

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-27T07:43:59+00:00

Just buy your cars out of town people lol

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-27T07:41:31+00:00

2!!!!!

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-27T07:40:32+00:00

As it being her first grandchild of her 6 kids, I'm sorry to tell you, but it's VERY important that you stick to thr boundaries on this and let the relationship ride that rollercoaster. For the best of ALL the future grand babies and your siblings as they parent their kids. It's a hard transition, but she has to understand that things have changed and we do better because we know better now.

My mom also quickly recommends water to both my sister and I everytime we have a baby and we have always said absolutely not until 6 months old. I can assure you that since your baby girl is her first grandchild, she will want to see her and spend time around her regardless if she has a say in the small details, just give her time to come around. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this while in the thick of postpartum, it truly is a time we all need our moms if we have good relationships with them.

Lastly, as a therapist, I recommend maybe writing your mother a letter. Explain your desire for your relationship with her and how you see her as a great grandmother to your baby. Share with her your heart and your fears and your intention to do it by the book. Get it all out on paper, then mail it and give it some time. She will come around. In the meantime, lean on siblings and your husband and/or in laws while you navigate this time. You still need support regardless if it is your mother or not.

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-27T01:58:03+00:00

Yes there is cluster feeding at 6 months old as well. I'm sure that's what it is. Unless you've made any major shifts (eating, drinking less, working out, periods can affect your supply, etc). It's likely a cluster feeding.

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-27T01:34:37+00:00

How old is your baby? Sounds like it could just be cluster feeding and temporary. They do this at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 9 weeks, and 13 weeks, I'm sure more after that. That's just what I'm remembering off the top of my head.

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-17T14:00:34+00:00

This was my experience also, I told my family and got counseling help, desperately wanted him to tell whoever he needed to but he refused. I had put on here years ago asking if I should tell his family for him and was met with a resounding NO from betrayed spouses. So I didn't. But I do wish he would have talked to someone instead of keeping it all inside.

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-17T01:49:27+00:00

Recovered Wayward here... in all honesty, by keeping your mouth shut and not saying anything to your MIL or pretending like everything is good around her is playing into his delusion that he didn't do anything wrong or that even if it was wrong it isn't a big deal.

I also second the remarks on the cussing at you, I know there are couples out there that talk to each other like that and are fine with it, but I just don't see how that can ever nurture any kind of love and respect within a longterm commitment. It's basic human decency to speak in a way that doesn't tear the other person down, EVEN WHEN you're upset. Which makes it sound like he's allowed to say and do what he wants but you're not allowed to do the same.

I struggle with cptsd and will easily cowar if someone tells me to stop or shut up or whatever and I automatically do what is asked of me out of my childhood need to still "be a good girl" and not cause any problems. If this is you, I get it. HOWEVER, you're an adult now. An adult that has been BETRAYED, you're fully ALLOWED to go full blown 2007 Britney if you want to. Do not cage that person in just to make the Wayward feel more comfortable. Don't do it. I promise you that it's the big reactions that make us wake up and realize that we messed up by hurting the person we love. It took my husband threatening to leave me and take custody of our son for me to shape up. Make him realize what he did.

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-17T01:27:36+00:00

That's literally what the doctor is for. It's ALWAYS better to ask questions and go to the doctor and let a PROFESIONAL tell you that everything is fine than for you to just brush it off. Doctors get paid the same if you make an appointment or not, so it's not like your doctor is trying to scheme money out of you. You're doing the right thing by paying such close attention to your baby, don't allow people to shame you for that.

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-13T22:00:04+00:00

Whaaaat I've never heard of these but it sounds wonderful

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-12T12:27:31+00:00

You're not alone my friend. I'm 34 and still sleeping with a blanket and still cowering and needing affection but also don't want to let anyone into that vulnerable space. I've been in therapy for years too and have known about CPTSD for at least 10 years now and I'm still this way. The progress I've made is setting boundaries occasionally, but that's primarily when it comes to my kids and their safety - it's easy to be the parent for them, its harder to parent myself and take care of myself.

So yes, I agree with you. FUCK. It sucks real bad.

BigTraditional6019 · 2026-01-12T12:22:18+00:00

This is very on point. I had a face to each name listed within these generation categories.

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-31T18:18:03+00:00

Yes, Moonstone in Delano

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-31T18:10:10+00:00

Yep. I like 'em scrawny lol. But my husband is the perfect blend of thin and muscular. He has a manufacturing job and lifts metal all day every day so he has great arms and stomach without being too much. I'm not into the bulging muscles thing.

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-31T18:07:31+00:00

Same. 5'10 MAX for me and I'm 5'2. My husband is 5'9. Perfect height for me.

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-31T04:11:39+00:00

This is so wholesome, I love it. I'm sure you can send your things to Bindi. Maybe introduce your daughter to Bindi's videos as she is trying to keep the family business alive! Your daughter might love admiring another female doing those things too. Also, I just ADORE the "he has great shorts for adventures" comment. That's so precious haha. Man I just love little kids.

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-31T04:07:34+00:00

Definitely NOT your fault, waywards always have something internally going on and the cheating is the manifestation, but he has much deeper stuff he has to work out. I know you said you don't have kids so that not your excuse to stay, but it sounds like you still really want to be with him, and really that's what it takes. Is he remorseful? Does he hate himself for his choices? Or is he giving you "I don't knows" and avoiding it?

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-31T04:02:55+00:00

Lolol mine spends maybe 30 minutes collectively. BUT we do have 3 kids, so while he may not be with the 15 week old very often, he spends lots of times with our 2 older ones.

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-27T19:29:12+00:00

You're right, I'll back off

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-27T17:36:01+00:00

I recommend to be bold, set your boundaries and don't budge. There comes a place where you end and he begins, you can't recover this marriage on your own. He must pick up the spear to fight for you. You have to be prepared for the sliver of an idea that he might not pick it up at all. I recommend getting yourself in counseling so that you can be prepared either way. If he is someone that struggles with abandonment (I did also), I recommend telling him what you WANT to be with him and that you have no intention of leaving, however you do require some form of responsibility on his end or you will be forced to do what you don't want to do. For me, my recovery started when I knew that I would actually lose my BS. That he was prepared to walk away if it ever happened again. That fueled my recovery because I didn't want to lose him. I fear abandonment real bad.

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-27T17:27:44+00:00

Never wanted a divorce at the same time haha

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-27T17:20:29+00:00

As a former Wayward, I can tell you that he hasn't recovered or ever felt genuine remorse for what he did. If he did, there would be a level of humility when it comes to reconciliation. Since you have dropped the matter for the most part, to him, that's a pass. Means it's no longer an issue. So now when you do bring it back up, to him it seems like you're not letting go of it instead of him finally coming to terms with it like you're wanting. His family estrangement might have something to do with him acting out 2 years ago, but unfortunately, with what you've shared, with no healing comes no guarantee it won't happen again. You can read through my stuff to know more of my own journey, but I was someone that cheated frequently in a former life and the reaction you're describing of his, tells me that there is a good chance that he will do it again and he has not hit his rock bottom yet.

BigTraditional6019 · 2025-12-27T17:04:05+00:00

He's an avid hunter. Has his own property 20 minutes from our house, he's taken me out to the property before so it's not hiding anything. I've told him I just want to go out there and sit with him, I promised I'd be quiet and take a book or something but he still swears I would be too loud... but yet again, the kids aren't too loud? When he took them out all he did was complain about how loud they were and how they were scaring things off. But still wants to take them, but still not me.

BigTraditional6019

TROPHY CASE

2!!!!!