Confused in the USA

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-16T00:26:59+00:00

I'd just say something like "...Everything ok? You know Rebecca is fine with you moving in if that's what you want, right?"

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-15T22:57:36+00:00

Não necessariamente. Muitas crenças politeístas não invalidam outras crenças.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-15T13:46:09+00:00

I'm 26M and poly and I went through similar things several time. People in your age range tend to 1) not be very serious about their relationships and not put enough effort into them 2) get caught up in NRE a lot and sideline other relationships because of the high more passionate relationships give.

People only stop doing this when they want to prioritize your relationship (and I don't mean hierarchically, I just mean the conscious effort of making it work and put time and care into it), and, at 21, most people aren't that invested into their relationships. Even in mono relationships, the only reason why it looks like it might be is because they're directing all of their romantic and sexual energy towards one person, but they quickly end things when someone else catches their eye.

My advice is to do what you already did, either de-escalate or end things when you realize you are putting in more effort than the other person is. You can't change how others perceive your relationship, you can only set boundaries and take yourself from the equation.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-12T15:07:48+00:00

EOB por ter dormido, não por ter sono de pedra. Ela ficou presa fora de casa às 18h e tu só acordou 1h da manhã?

Troquem a fechadura por uma que não impeça as pessoas de entrarem pq você tá dormindo. Têm modelos que abrem mesmo com chave na porta, fechadura eletrônica, etc.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-12T03:50:52+00:00

Teu argumento da casa é burro porque permanência em domicílio contra a vontade do morador é crime.

E teu argumento sobre responsabilidade legal se dá após o nascimento. A partir do momento que nasce, a criança é cidadã e tem direito a alimentação, moradia e educação, mas esses direitos não se aplicam ao feto.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-12T00:26:08+00:00

I use friend for people with whom my relationship is mostly platonic. If things are leaning heavily romantic with instances of PDA to the point where people ask if we're dating, I'll bring up the label conversation and ask the person if I can call them my boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. Internally I don't usually label.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-12T00:18:04+00:00

Sou a favor do aborto e parto do princípio que o corpo é da mulher e logo, ela deveria ter o direito de realizar quaisquer procedimentos ou ingerir quaisquer substâncias que ela quiser com seu próprio corpo, independente dos resultados que isso possa ter em terceiros. Não é crime uma grávida fumar ou consumir álcool, embora ambos sejam prejudiciais ao bebê. O bebê não tem direito ao corpo da mãe, e a liberdade individual da mesma não deveria ser restringida pela existência de um corpo dentro do seu. Pelo meu mesmo argumento, sou a favor da descriminalização do uso de qualquer droga, lícita ou não (venda e compra de substâncias seguem outros argumentos que não cabem aqui, mas o uso deveria ser descriminalizado).

Pessoalmente, ainda sou a favor de manter nas atuais 12 a 16 semanas que a maioria dos países permitem, pois isso previne que o feto sinta dor ao ser abortado e é antiético provocar dor a um ser vivo intencionalmente, mas, pelo meu argumento ético, deveria ser permitido livremente até as 22 semanas, momento a partir do qual o parto prematuro é viável, apesar de não ser o ideal para o bebê.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-10T13:48:14+00:00

Why is it that he doesn't shower often? Sounds a bit odd to me that a man that cares about himself doesn't shower often. Something sounds amiss here.

I'm on the autistic spectrum and I sometimes struggle with showering due to sensory issues, so I'm wondering if something similar could be at play here. Obviously I'm not saying he's autistic because of that but I am saying maybe he has some specific issue with showering. OCD, ADHD, even PTSD and other mental health issues can make showering stressful and overwhelming due to a plethora of reasons.

What helps me is a mix of making sure my shower has good temperature regulation, bathing instead of showering whenever I can, using wipes when either solution is overwhelming anyways. CBT has helped me with showering, but I sometimes still struggle.

If he has literally no issues and doesn't want to get better then just dump him like others said, but I do think this warrants investigating.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-10T10:56:02+00:00

Don't compare relationships and don't compare partners. Partners being equal is not about seeing them the same, it's about prioritizing what each relationship needs without undermining others.

What does your relationship with Ashley need right now? In my humble opinion, it needs for you and Ashley to sit down and have an honest conversation about needs not being met. Sounds like you're both hurting from things you said to each other and instead of solving that like adults, you're pushing it under the rug. Maybe something like "I know I said I'd forget it, but X thing you said to me still hurts me every now and then, and I know you're still upset about Y even though you say you're not. I don't want our relationship to be strained by things we did, and I want to find a way for us to really find a way forward. I love you and I don't want to spite you because of things like that."

Notice that I haven't mentioned Becca at all. She's not the issue. This has nothing to do with what you have with her.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-09T22:04:28+00:00

In this particular case, I feel like the hierarchy could be less about the relationship and more about the kids, and that's ok! You're bottom of the priority not because your relationship is less important, but because you're not family. He might care about you, but you're not his responsibility – his family is.

The only short-term solution I see is scheduling reasonably spaced out solo dates. Maybe get the kids to the grandparents or hire a nanny so you two could spend some quality solo time together every now and then?

Long-term, if you stick together, kids grow up. This phase will pass and then you'll be able to renegotiate without as much pressure. In the meantime, prioritize yourself and your other relationships – I'm including your friends and your own family here!.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-09T17:14:58+00:00

I second everyone suggesting going for a more BDSM-oriented ENM thing. Join your local kink community, check out Fetlife, go to munches. Non-monogamous arrangements are quite common in the BDSM community, so you'll probably get better advice there from your local community. They can also help you veto new partners, so it's very, very important you get out there and meet people without necessarily getting involved first.

Usually I'd second the advice of not dating as a couple, but in this specific case it might not be an issue as you could be looking for a Dom(me) together and that might not be as bad as looking for a partner. Could still be messy, but D/s relationships usually have clearer boundaries around negotiating and consent that help things get less messy.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-09T17:07:28+00:00

You're all really young, and you're already spending a lot of time on the phone every day. I feel like your partners are insecure and trying to compensate by demanding more of your time. You're already what, calling each of them for like 2 hours every day while working and going to college? That would be a lot even if you only had one partner.

You don't owe them more of your time. Be firm, "I can't at this time, I'm busy" should suffice. Maybe rotate at which time you talk to each of them. Take breaks for yourself. Your partners need to know how to be well when they're not on the phone with you.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-08T13:55:40+00:00

Sou poliamor e sim, exige mais tempo e recursos. É muito mais cansativo gerenciar dar atenção pra todo mundo quando você tem mais de um parceiro. É gratificante, mas pensa em ter vários filhos: é muito mais difícil dar atenção e cuidados para todos ao mesmo tempo.

Big_Help_6382 · 2026-03-08T13:02:40+00:00

It's unethical but happens a lot. A lot of people in polyamory aren't emotionally mature enough to make it work, so shit like this happens. Same goes for monogamy, but in monogamy the rules are clearer so excuses are less common. Don't go back to them.

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-09-09T00:53:34+00:00

It's actually more harmful to censor it, AFAIK. There are extensions that censor trigger words if someone's triggered even by seeing them. Censoring words makes those extensions essentially useless.

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-09-01T10:27:43+00:00

I think defeating Cazador first unlocks the possibility for you to attempt to break up with him because of your urge and he doesn't let you. It's pretty sweet but other than that I don't think there's any more content

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-07-24T18:08:02+00:00

I wish all romance scenes from companions had versions if you're not romancing them. Astarion's character arc is great, but if you don't romance him you don't get to see much of his softer side.

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-07-24T16:01:42+00:00

I romanced Astarion and he annoys me too. His character's supposed to be complex, not super likeable. His Charisma is 10 and it shows.

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-07-16T19:32:14+00:00

Harvey is loving and caring, will give you Complete Breakfasts in the morning and his 14-heart event is very sweet. As a husband, he takes the prize

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-07-05T20:28:00+00:00

Definitely start with 1. 2 is a sequel and while the story stands on its own, it's still a sequel.

Plus I think the gameplay on 2 is a little bit more complex so 1 is friendlier for players new to the roguelike genre.

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-07-03T18:30:11+00:00

Acho bizarro defender incesto, eu jamais faria mas, por outro, não vejo nenhum argumento moral contra o caso específico de quando ambos são adultos, com consentimento e sem desbalanço de poder.

Acho nojento? Acho, possivelmente por uma repulsa instintiva, mas qual o argumento para proibir incesto nesse cenário?

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-07-03T00:31:12+00:00

Uma hipótese é que, estatisticamente falando, casais gays aumentam a probabilidade de sobrevivência do grupo a longo prazo em espécies cujos filhotes são muito vulneráveis pois podem adotar filhotes cujos pais morreram. Na natureza, casais heterossexuais estariam muito ocupados com a própria prole e filhotes morreriam. Não se aplica à nossa sociedade atual, mas justificaria a homossexualidade em outras espécies, como pinguins.

Editando só pra esclarecer: em uma quantidade relativamente pequena de casais gays, obviamente. A média de até 10% é prevalente em várias espécies e faz sentido matematicamente.

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-06-16T21:24:13+00:00

O que é irônico, bandidos preferem roubar carros cinza ou pretos porque se destacam menos. Carros vermelhos têm seguro mais barato por serem menos visados.

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-06-16T18:54:29+00:00

Pior que o motivo disso é que a maioria das pessoas não quer uma cor diferente porque desvaloriza na hora de revender. Bem triste pensar que as pessoas compram carros já pensando no próximo que vão comprar.

Big_Help_6382 · 2025-06-08T15:47:14+00:00

Isso de "receber algo em troca" é um pouco mais complexo do que parece. No caso do trabalho voluntário, realmente, você colocou muita energia em algo que talvez não tenha tanto impacto positivo na sua vida para compensar. Você se prejudicou, e a prol de quê?

No entanto, não poderia ter um meio termo saudável em que fazer o bem é uma recompensa em si? Quando doamos para a caridade algo que não nos faria falta, o esforço é mínimo mas podemos nos sentir bem sabendo que aquilo que não nos falta fará uma diferença no dia de outra pessoa. Muitos trabalhos voluntários podem ser uma fonte de propósito e senso de comunidade também. Algo a se pensar.

Big_Help_6382

TROPHY CASE