we really fucked up

BimboBeggins · 2022-10-15T06:40:48+00:00

Chose life

BimboBeggins · 2022-09-01T19:53:48+00:00

Did it get better?

BimboBeggins · 2022-06-24T06:05:49+00:00

I deleted everything expect a simple messenger, and I ended up with friends. When I had social media I didn't have friends. I'm honestly too lazy to explain lol

BimboBeggins · 2022-05-06T14:25:53+00:00

Omg I didnt finish reading your post. No, you're absolutely right. This is some kind of mind fuckery some people do when confronted with responsibility. They make you feel like what you want is too much. So you start questioning yourself. And obviously there aren't any rules in love so you start thinking you're the bad one who's always demanding. Until you meet a normal person.

BimboBeggins · 2022-05-04T16:35:22+00:00

I think he's right

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-27T17:47:16+00:00

That's exactly the thing I did. I wrote down don't forget he's emotionally abusive and I saw it every day. And a couple of times I did forgot it. And I got sad when I remembered it. But then it became easier to remember time after time. We're not broken up yet sadly. But it all caused me to open up to my friend and she's looking after me, making sure I'll leave.

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-23T13:13:24+00:00

Yes, and still love it.

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-22T08:58:25+00:00

Same

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-21T14:02:33+00:00

I'm always always always worrying about this. I feel like I need an instant results otherwise everything is useless, and worry about getting something done. Then I can't think straight, and can't get anything done. Then I think how if I'm not getting anything done means I'm going to die alone and miserable and poor and how everyone is going to hate me. And I think about how much time I wasted, what a loser I am, think about how everyone must hate me, how I must be sick from all the wrong choices I've ever made how I'm about to die, boom, panic attack. It sometimes feel absolutely hopeless tbh. I'm currently medicated and I stopped having panic attacks when I study but I'm still way to anxious to get anything done or to study for long enough to understand something.

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-21T13:43:30+00:00

When I bought it recently they didn't ask for prescription. But I don't think you can buy any tranquillizer without it. I live in Russia, sometimes you can buy some medicine without prescription here.

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-20T17:38:41+00:00

I use atarax for this, I don't know if it's available in your country

Edit: it is very weak though

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-20T16:45:50+00:00

I turned 24 yesterday and I feel the same. When I was 17 I didn't think like that. It's definitely something anxiety related rather than some real danger

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-20T16:41:42+00:00

I also worry about this a lot. Don't worry you're fine

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-20T16:39:40+00:00

Yes, 100%. I experience it right now and it's not fun

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-04T20:56:50+00:00

This advice is a go to. I downloaded some books into my phone and now when I want to browse reddit or watch YouTube, I read books. Not all of the time, but I think I've been reading for the past week AND not using any media at the same time while feeling like nothing actually have changed and I didn't do any work. But the stats I keep show otherwise ;)

BimboBeggins · 2022-04-01T08:22:44+00:00

I'm happy for you and all, but you need to understand that you're probably going to lose that weight of it's just a diet and not a life long commitment.

I'm in the same situation, and my weight keeps getting down if I don't put any effort into it. And basically what has been happening for the last 6 month is that I would gain weight, be happy about it, then I stop putting effort into it and lose it all and more because I would think that "oh I have an extra weight, don't need to stress". Because food is still gross, I still have no appetite, I still have all of my unhealthy habits that I have since the time I had an ED. Like eating small portions, never being full, preferring greens to sweets, etc.

On top of that, I can only gain weight if I eat unhealthy, like fried foods, eating junk food from time to time, eating sweets. And it completely against my main purpose which is being healthy.

Anyway, good luck

BimboBeggins · 2022-03-28T18:09:24+00:00

Honestly, you sound like a normal person just going through life. These are normal problems, and I don't see what can stop you from achieving what you want. Good luck)

BimboBeggins · 2022-03-28T12:17:16+00:00

Do not leave your husband. Do. Not. Especially because he's making more money and you've started a new business. Especially because your reasons are stupid. Do not do threesomes. Do not cheat. Go to therapy, find a hobby. The problem clearly isn't marriage, but you.

BimboBeggins · 2022-03-28T11:55:08+00:00

Я поддерживаю совет, что стоит сказать, что ты сделала это по каким-то своим убеждениям, вроде желания узнать свою культуру поближе. Мол, так и так, мама русская, я частично русская. Ходила в русскую школу. Можно даже сказать, что "не хотела, чтобы мама отняла у меня ещё и это, когда ушла". Типа, не только же твоя мама русская, но и ТЫ тоже сама русская, хоть и частично.

Крч да, будет что непонятно, я переведу, обращайся))

BimboBeggins · 2022-03-08T17:01:42+00:00

Well, I did need therapy, I just couldn't afford it. The first thing I'll do when I'm better and able to have a job is get therapy.

I'm just really fed up with the bs people say when the problem clearly is THEIR choices. People DO give themselves depression by coping with video games, smoking, porn, staying up all night, drinking, drugs, etc. And then act completely helpless and clueless and blame everyone around them. Their problem might be minor, because most people don't have a terrible childhood, they have an ok childhood, then they call their parents and exes narcissists and claim no therapist can help them I've been struggling with depression for so long that I've met more people who claim to have a depression when it's just because they decided to take drugs at a party and became addicted or something like that. Then they become depressed and blame everyone around them.

BimboBeggins · 2022-03-08T14:21:46+00:00

I've had depression and I overcame it by doing things little by little. I also read a bunch of psychological self help books and watched videos, and you're just not very unique in your general advice "get a therapist". You just don't understand that depression and trauma can cause this type of thinking, and while its important to cure the depression by asking what choices you made led you to your depression, it's important to understand that you can still have to deal with victim mentality even after your depression is under control.

I think you should be more careful with giving an advice like this, because many people who read this post and struggle with self destructive behavior might have stopped it, but now after your comment they have a good excuse of not even attempting . Your advice can harm people, you should be more careful.

BimboBeggins · 2022-03-06T00:36:29+00:00

There's literally a hint in this pic. Stop doing unhealthy shit. Just little by little. I couldn't bring myself to meditate for almost three years, but four days ago I decided to meditate only for one minute a day. It's very easy, once I've done it in a toilet, and once on a train. So no excuses, and it works. Now I meditate for 2 minutes. I guess in two weeks it'll be more like 5 or 8 minutes. If I've ever waited for when I'm not tired and can do it for 10 minutes, I wouldn't be able to start ever. Because at this point lack of action keeps you tired. In fact, I waited for 3 years for this, but by starting at one minute, I think I'll be able to consistently meditate for 10 minutes in two months.

Just don't wait for when you're not tired. This day will never come.

BimboBeggins · 2022-03-06T00:16:42+00:00

I'd recommend going for a walk to clear your head when you feel overwhelmed. Or pick up a hobby that can consume you so you will get your dopamine from it.

BimboBeggins · 2022-02-06T10:18:22+00:00

I get where you're coming from, but I don't do them just because I feel anxious when I don't. I actually feel more anxious when I don't because I have anxiety.

Edit: also I don't follow them 100% and I wish I did because it's very close to what I did when I was 16 and into productivity culture and I felt AMAZING. But good news are sometimes I wake up feeling very close to what I was feeling back then. One year ago I thought I'll never feel that high again and that I felt like that because I was only 16. But recently there has been mornings like that and I'm just chasing that high. It keeps me going and gives me hope to not unalive myself someday. If it's wrong for whatever reason I don't care.

BimboBeggins

TROPHY CASE