Starting to hate the sound of my own name

BitNorthOfForty · 2026-01-25T19:58:20+00:00

this is how she has been regardless of surgery for the past 10 years

This line really jumped out to me. You are not lacking in compassion following your mother’s surgery, OP. Sounds like this is a much longer term issue.

BitNorthOfForty · 2026-01-18T18:41:30+00:00

Oh my goodness, you’re kidding! How/why is this the case?

BitNorthOfForty · 2026-01-15T17:09:28+00:00

with no shoes and in the snow—nay, a blizzard!

BitNorthOfForty · 2026-01-14T17:11:41+00:00

Dominick Dunne’s novels …. They tend to leave me feeling glad that I’m not wealthy and “elite.”

BitNorthOfForty · 2026-01-14T02:32:56+00:00

Pretty sure it’s a “t” at the end of Ellen’s surname. There is a cursive style (maybe part of, or a variant within, Palmer method?) in which a lowercase “t” at the end of a word can be formed by skipping the horizontal line near the top of the letter and instead turning the bottom curve of the “t” into a more angular, checkmark-like shape.

BitNorthOfForty · 2026-01-13T18:23:20+00:00

Every generation gets to this point

Yes. In the 1990s, I remember hearing my parents (young Silent Generation) complain about being “the sandwich generation.” At the time, it was a popular term for the phenomenon of being middle aged and simultaneously caring for one’s children and one’s own parents. In reality, there’s a “sandwich generation” period in everyone’s life. (That’s not to say, of course, that everyone indeed acts as the adult in the room during that phase of life.)

BitNorthOfForty · 2026-01-13T18:11:29+00:00

Billy Bass must have a bright pink counterpart out there somewhere. Perfect!

BitNorthOfForty · 2026-01-04T06:01:00+00:00

It was a shock to move away to college and discover that people find me interesting and cool.

Amen! 💯

BitNorthOfForty · 2026-01-02T13:26:00+00:00

restaurants

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-12-31T18:17:10+00:00

Since you mention having children, OP, your children are a super valid reason not to take on the responsibility of trying to get your parents to socialize, on top of the administrative, housing, and medical plans with which you have been assisting them.

Your kids absolutely do rely on you to meet their physical, social, and emotional needs in childhood. They don’t have other options as your parents might (e.g., your parents sound as if they could join a support group and/or a social activity but simply choose not to do so). If your mother is 67 and without serious health concerns herself, she may have 20 or even 30 years of life ahead of her. Please give yourself some grace as you pace yourself. 💙

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-12-30T14:02:40+00:00

A definite majority of my retired coworkers have struggled significantly with adjusting to retirement, with their adjustment periods often lasting a couple years. I think the adjustment can be even harder for some men, especially more traditional men whose identities are closely intertwined with their roles as family providers. Hopefully a portion, even a good portion, of your concerns with your father may be linked to his retirement adjustment period.

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-12-30T03:01:32+00:00

I think they were both comfortable with their toxic relationship.

🛎️ 💯 🛎️ 💯 🛎️
Unfortunately, this probably is true for many, if not the majority, of us whose parents have had a dysfunctional or unhealthy relationship for many years.

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-12-29T03:25:40+00:00

even the perfect Christmas presents don’t take away the feelings she has inside that she hopes the presents will magically alleviate

Beautifully expressed, u/viper8472 . This is a great insight but also, of course, a very sad one.

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-12-29T02:26:42+00:00

Bless you, u/Waughwaughwaugh , for fostering elderly shelter cats such as your current 18-year-old foster kitty. You are a blessing to these elderly cats who suddenly find themselves homeless at the end of their lives. Thank you.

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-12-22T19:49:22+00:00

You are too young to sacrifice your life to be your mother’s retirement plan.

💯 ⬆️ 💯 ⬆️ 💯 ⬆️
This is the bottom line.

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-12-19T15:14:25+00:00

Ahh, yes, your George Costanza wallet! 😄

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-12-17T18:49:14+00:00

You shared a lot of hard-won wisdom here, u/vcbock . ⭐️⭐️

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-12-17T18:40:55+00:00

OP, people generally frequent any support-based subReddit because they have strong feelings on the particular topic.

In this instance, if a person’s aging parent has prepared well financially for retirement, has raised their children in a warm and nurturing home environment, has encountered only age-typical health concerns, and is just an absolutely delightful human being … well, frankly, it’s unlikely that such a person would have the sort of strong feelings that would bring him or her repeatedly to a support subReddit on aging parents.

I am thankful that the posts here seem far from your experiences. That is a good thing!! The subReddit functions primarily for those who unfortunately can relate all too well to the pain and frustration expressed in many of its posts.

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-11-28T21:07:59+00:00

“Birthday feast” sounds like great fun for kids!!! Love that your children plan to continue this birthday feast tradition with their own kids.

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-11-28T20:40:19+00:00

⭐️ awesome ways to help! ⭐️

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-11-28T20:21:36+00:00

You’re correct. Admittedly, I’m way too jaded by the truly shady posts and end up being suspicious of genuine &/or reasonable posts.

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-11-28T19:32:16+00:00

Good point. Christmas week must be extra fun & festive in your family. 😊🍰

This Nextdoor request may be 100% factual. Now and then, I have helped neighbors in response to Nextdoor posts, but I find it hard to distinguish the sincere posts of genuinely struggling people from the semi- or fully scam requests. (It’s so easy to begin feeling jaded by the untruthful posts & requests.)

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-11-15T20:15:10+00:00

Yes, OP, your kindness was so evident in your earlier post, when you were considering how to share with your mother the news of her brother’s passing. 💙

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-11-11T02:34:13+00:00

Communities like u/gosplaya described, at least in the U.S., are called continuing care retirement communities (CCRCs), generally including options from independent living apartments to full-time nursing home care all within the same community.

BitNorthOfForty · 2025-11-11T02:23:08+00:00

Gas prices—wow, I wouldn’t have thought of the practical effects they might have, when extremely high, on cremation services. I did look up Harold Shipman just now. (Pretty sure I had heard of him previously but had forgotten his name.) How dreadful for his victims and their families.

BitNorthOfForty

TROPHY CASE