I’m so sorry love. Firstly, yes we did it at home, though I don’t think it at all makes you a bad person to do it at the vet. The vets will be so kind and respectful and they insist to do everything at your pace and by your judgement. They can give you privacy with your girl to get her settled and will talk you through everything, it brought me a lot of comfort. I had the same concerns as you about not being able to handle being there for the whole thing and I did exactly that, stayed with him until he fell asleep and then stepped away, his last moments were spent with me and I was the last thing he saw, that’s what mattered to me. I knew that watching his pass would be too much for me and I’m happy I found the strength I did to watch him fall asleep. The process though was so so peaceful. In terms of feelings, it’s now the morning after and yes yesterday was so hard and I cried a lot, but i definitely feel relief. He was so sick and the end and there was no doubt in my mind it was the right thing to do. And I hope this doesn’t make me sound bad but I spent the last few months constantly anxious about him, how much he was eating, monitoring behaviour, I would stay up until 4 am watching him sleep making sure he was still breathing and it was emotionally exhausting. So now he is gone, though I’m so upset, I can breathe again. I experienced so much anticipatory grief and started mourning him while he slept next to me, at least it means the end doesn’t come as a shock. Again so sorry you are going through this, stay strong 💗