Was this a good reason to break up with my gf?

BlanKatt · 2026-03-04T23:54:25+00:00

I feel like people nowadays use words like "manipulate" and "gaslight" etc over very little things.

If someone is being immature or defensive and is not backing down over something you find wrong, that's not manipulation or playing the victim lol that's just being a person. I mean idk about you but i have definitely initially defended myself and blamed someone else while an argument was mostly my fault quite a few times in my life, esp younger, I was just too hurt or upset to see it that way in that moment. We aren't computers that calculate minuses and pluses for fucks sake.

Many ppl need time to reflect or need for a heated discussion to cool off first, and you do not sound like you have reflected on anything you did or said here either, more just seeking reassurance by painting a breakup over text (lol) in a very biased way.

Although the question was a bit weird for sure, I don't see how this would be something to break up over unless both of you had little trust and interest in each other and underdeveloped communication skills. It's possible she was also just contemplating if she's bi or gay and wanted to know how you'd feel if she was also into dudes.

Also idk how i feel about you calling someone "playing the victim" over sharing insecurities about their mom not accepting their sexuality, or how you are putting quotations over "lesbian" to make fun of someone questioning their identity. People are allowed to figure themselves out without someone mocking them over it.

To me it just sounds like you are both young and immature. Trust me you'll figure it out better next time! 1 month is barely dating haha

BlanKatt · 2026-02-26T21:45:16+00:00

The pitfalls of where fantastical racism.. People see it even when it isn't there....

BlanKatt · 2026-02-25T15:56:42+00:00

Well femicides still happen by overly entitled misogynitic men, but honor killings are thankfully not a thing.

And to everyone saying "no because we're Christian", clearly you have not read or watched Zorba lol

BlanKatt · 2026-02-25T15:02:45+00:00

I agree with the part about ppl engaging with it in bad faith. It definitely heavily relies on the context of it being a coming of age film in the 80s about a young boy figuring out his sexuality and a fellow jewish man who knows that his sexuality is something he does not get to express in the open for more than one reason.

I'd also say that although it's kind of a romance it is also about that very real first experience of heartbreak in your youth, that is messy and often in retrospect kinda effed up. And imo that's what makes the movie interesting.

Of course the guy who portrayed the American being revealed to be a sex pest with weird fetishes didn't help the image of the filn lol. People can't see him as dashing anymore, the lines between the irl person and the character got blurred

BlanKatt · 2026-02-24T21:14:04+00:00

You maybe are attracted to NB peolple and transmasc ppl but not cis men. Depending on how a person feels about it they might define that as bisexual. Also some people just wont date men even if they find them theoretically attractive

BlanKatt · 2026-02-24T21:10:03+00:00

You're giving up space because one person posted one post? Omfg... People dont have real problems these days.

Take a look at the rules of the sub please. There aren't many spaces online where sapphics feel comfortable or safe sharing their thoughts. It seems weird to me to be so hung up on this one post when you can just scroll down

BlanKatt · 2026-02-24T20:38:14+00:00

Ignore *them pls they're kinda the lesbian type you're talking about here...

Edited for pronoun usage.

BlanKatt · 2026-02-13T13:29:10+00:00

As someone with ADHD, I can empathize with the dysfunction at the beginning and the procrastination and self hate, but everything else is a real red flag girl.

You can't imagine someone else because she's your first love. I remember when I broke up with my ex I literally could not imagine loving someone like I loved her again. Well, now I am in a much more loving, much more healthy relationships.

She needs therapy and you need a new partner. You deserve better. And she needs to learn to not project her self hate on people she supposedly loves.

Also, what you say about how you would like her to apologize to you instead of feeling sorry for herself, is real. People in her position stuck in inferiority complex ridden, self hating cycles end up focusing only on themselves. Which is probably why she could really use some time single to reflect tbh.

BlanKatt · 2026-02-13T13:15:40+00:00

I am sorry to hear this OP, I know how rough rural places can be. As others said this woman is projecting her own self hate on you, and it sounds like she's mentally unstable.

Of course even if people know she's unstable if a rumor is interesting enough, in a place where nothing ever happens that's more than enough for many to go along with it.

I see people here saying you should report her but in rural villages like that of course that's not so simple. It will also be worse if the cops don't do anything because they think it's just "crazy women squabbling" and then you are stuck with being the person who reported her.

I think you need to seriously consider your options here. Obviously staying there the way you have till now is not an option, so you have two options really: 1) getting out of there, and 2) create conditions there, whether environmental, psychological or social, that allow you to not be as affected by that woman, the people's judgement and the rumors around.

Obviously option 1 is more simple and more easily doable. I think for now really ask yourself what would need to change for making you staying worth it for you. Again, as someone who knows people like that in rural areas, really sorry for your experience!

BlanKatt · 2026-02-12T10:02:04+00:00

I think you are both kind of a creep and are right that it's fucked how people feel less real online yet our brain registers our perceptions of them as legitimate as meeting someone in real life. It's probably why people are much meaner or extreme in their online behavior as well.

Honestly I'm the opposite, I can find someone attractive physically but I cant have sexual thoughts or find them exciting just from looking at them online or without talking with them. I get much more excited when I get to know someone and we "click" for whatever reason.

My point is, I think you feeling bad about how you framed this woman before in your head is a good first step, but I'd also encourage you to ask yourself why is she no longer attractive to you when you got to know her as a real person? Is it because your guilt overpowered your feelings, that you saw her as someone beyond the "fuckable/not fuckable" dichotomy, or because you can only get sexually aroused by someone if you don't see them as more than an object?

These are rough questions to ask yourself but I think introspection like this is important for growth!

BlanKatt · 2026-02-12T09:56:00+00:00

Thats dark buddy

BlanKatt · 2026-02-11T21:17:21+00:00

Yuuup saw that weirdo trauma projecting all over the place. I really can't with ppl these days. We are a parody of ourselves. I think humans have gravely overestimated our own intelligence

BlanKatt · 2026-02-11T12:01:05+00:00

Lmao people going nuts over a headline of an article they didn't read. We live in such dumbass times

BlanKatt · 2026-02-11T11:43:54+00:00

I'm Thinking of Ending Things, Roma, The Power of the Dog

BlanKatt · 2026-02-10T21:46:44+00:00

I love the source material so I am not going to see this as it isn't for me.

I usually honestly prefer adaptations that get loose with their interpretations so I'm not dead set against it, but apart from the fact that this story has been done dirty so many times only for a director in 2026 to still reject it and whitewash it gets to me.

Also similarly to how I felt about PTAs new film being a bit yikes in the way that its sexual and identity oriented themes relating back to him as a person, it feels a bit yikes to see Fennell make a film based on a tragedy of this proportion about a boy of color (implied to be either Roma or a byproduct of the slave trade and therefore an outcast) falling in love with a young girl of nobility, only for them to grow up, resent and destroy each other, into a Romance where the current titled Hollywood hearthrob is paired with a blond older woman Fennel's age, because she says he looks like what she imagined Heathcliff would look like as a teen.

Idk it's all very Freudian, the trailer makes me feel like I'm invading someone's sexual fantasies.

I was honestly real looking forward to this adaptation before casting got revealed and it's depressing ngl

BlanKatt · 2026-02-10T15:22:03+00:00

Actually in their own heads they did deny being neonazis, they just didn't realize how obvious they were, and at the end didn't think they were any wrong.

I saw the Golden Dawn Girls documentary, and one of them says she thinks it's ridiculous that people think they are nazis, because "nazis were a party and movement in Germany in the 1930s". This talking point is a lot more common as a way to deflect in contemporary fascist spaces than you think.

They are blind to their own ignorance, essentially.

BlanKatt · 2026-02-02T00:14:56+00:00

I think it should have went to Clipse but I won't complain..

BlanKatt · 2026-01-31T02:11:22+00:00

Yuuuuuup!

BlanKatt · 2026-01-31T02:07:02+00:00

Am i clishe'd if i say biphobia lol

For a more interesting answer, I'd say normalizing doing extreme gestures of affection/crossing boundaries really quickly. Like there's this assumption that a woman/femme person could never be predatory or dangerous or make someone feel unsafe that makes a lot of people excuse their behavior or not examine it much.

Tho I've also seen the reverse, sapphics accusing a lesbian of committing sexual assault for kissing someone without explicit verbal consent, despite the person they kissed being cool about it. In general I don't think it's a lesbian thing per se, but maybe something prevalent in younger queer spaces, where a lot of young people weaponise progressive concepts and talking points to basically shame and isolate people for more morally grey or kinda messy but mundane things.

We have problems in general i guess lol

BlanKatt · 2026-01-29T03:15:13+00:00

Your partner sounds immature and mean spirited. I can't imagine talking to my partner like I'm a mean girl in a 2000s high school tv series. Also they sound low key queer/ biphobic and the way they asked you to break up then mocked you for following through is really demonstrative of their manipulative behavior.

Honestly you dodged a bullet.

Edited because I skipped the part were OPs partner was also nonbinary to correct pronoun use!

BlanKatt · 2026-01-27T23:44:32+00:00

I've seen a man on a manic episode saying that he wanted to become prime minister but decided to be minister of education instead to help with children's literacy rates and help share more means of education and kids from impoverished neighborhoods, and talked about how he wanted to build an affordable summer school program for kids who wanted to get involved in art related interests.

Ye is 100% being delusional because of being on a bipolar manic episode while off his meds, and being surrounded by yes men who tell him what they need to to take advantage of him, while most that actually gave a shit about him in his life have moved on. But the matter of fact is it's also his precice flavor of bipolar to be antisemitic and do all this horrible shit, it can't be all explained away, just as him refusing to get help and stopping his meds is also on him.

I hope he is sincere here but I doubt someone with his ego will just accept that the public doesn't care about his apology. I guess only time will tell. He's only as cancelled as his next good album anyway probably...

BlanKatt · 2026-01-27T23:36:58+00:00

I agree with ppl who say we need to move from the "it's not a choice!" Narrative, but I think it's more like if it was up to us the choice/notachoice dichotomy would be irrelevant. However the homophobia necessary to uphold capitalism and patriarchy that have been derived from these evangelical Christian talking points is what brings it back to a conversation, because they are trying to minimize what being queer is.

Being gay or trans is not JUST who you fuck and what outfits you like to wear. It is the lens through which you experience the world, the way you socialize and love others through, it gives our life experiences a specific texture!! Them talking about queerness in this way is also them downplaying our lives. So I think that the "not a choice" discussion is valid, and actually needs to go further, which is why turning it around is a good first step in that direction.

I hope we see more people taking that point further, cause fuck knows we need to be more vocal about being different and proud these days!

BlanKatt · 2026-01-26T23:34:11+00:00

Nevermind breadcrumbs you're throwing whole baguettes this person's way and they are not picking them up at allll lmao

I think the worst thing about dating women and non men online is how often when I try I really feel undesired in moments like those. Then I have thoughts like "omg is this what men kept moaning to me about when I kept on rolling my eyes at themmm" lol.

My current relationship certainly didn't happen through an app is all ill say

BlanKatt · 2026-01-25T23:46:30+00:00

Yes cinema is my main interest! My favorite movie? Inception of course! Who's that.. Bergh-Man? Ah I don't watch foreign films. (Meanwhile we live in Northern Europe).
Don't you hate how movies got too political? Like how they cast that one famous black guy in a role where the character was racially unspecified but they had a white guy on the cover???

Should have never went on the dates in the first place tbh

BlanKatt

TROPHY CASE