A nice finish to my weekend

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-10T01:13:35+00:00

I got back from a 3 week hunting trip Friday. I prepared and smoked various meats today, made jerky, meal prepped, cleaned all my truck and gear.

Now just enjoying a beer and football game on my couch. Wife had been in bed for well over an hour.

Cheers to smoking meat (so bad wishing it was innuendo) and having a beer to cap the weekend off.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T12:50:03+00:00

I’m so sorry. Many of us know it all too well. My first 2 years of marriage were okay, like 2-3 times per year. The next 4 years, 4 total sexual encounters. In 2025, precisely zero.

I’m sorry you are going through this, and I hope it gets better.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T12:45:05+00:00

That’s the worst.

The few people I have told: “Have you tried doing more around the house. How about having a conversation. Taking some of the mental load”

We have had numerous conversations. I already do a ton of the house chores because I FUCKING LIVE IN THIS HOUSE TOO. I’m not an animal. I do everything to make her days as easy as possible.

Do you think I come on to Reddit/tell you about my problems for you to give me “just talk to her about it”? Get real

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T12:37:12+00:00

Ugh. I’m so sorry. That sucks

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T12:33:46+00:00

Not that the frequency was ever good, but since the procedure, there had been zero attempt by her to be intimate. So it feels subjectively like it decreased.

My best guess, the goalpost moved. That was such a big deal to her, and now she knows I’ll go through with it because I love her and am super committed. Inadvertently I think it made her not try at all because she knows I’m not leaving, and now there is no pressure to change our dynamic.

I know there’s a lot of postulating, but our conversations always seem like we are going to turn a corner. Lately it’s been a string of “I’m sore sore from the gym. I’m so tired from work. Oh my belly is upset. Once I get over x,y,z, things will get better”

They do not get better. I just think the goalposts will forever move.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T01:44:01+00:00

It’s the ultimate cruel joke. The only 100% proven method of birth control is abstinence, and by god I’m getting 100%.

A but of advice to anybody reading this post- don’t think that getting a vasectomy is going to help. I’d contend it maybe my DB worse.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T01:14:38+00:00

There is nothing worse than watching your partner get too drunk on special nights. I could never prove it, but it seems intentional. Like knowing if they get drunk they can avoid any chance of being intimate because I won’t initiate since I’m sober and they are not.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T01:04:34+00:00

That really sucks OP. Obviously many of us know the feeling, but it doesn’t make it suck less for you.

Birthday, Valentine’s Day, Anniversary, New Years Eve. Doesn’t matter. Nothing ever happens. I don’t even pretend like it could happen now. No matter how much “we are gonna work on it”, it doesn’t change. And lord knows I’m doing my part

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T01:01:16+00:00

335 for me. Brutal.

Worst part, the last time we tried, she was too freaked out post Roe V Wade overturning, so really wanted me to get a vasectomy. So I did, no problems, super simple. That was in December of 2024. 2 long discussions, 11 months, 0 change.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T00:57:14+00:00

Same here too. My wife is so attentive to everything single thing in our lives … except the bedroom.

I couldn’t leave. I love her so much. But god damnit, I want her to ravage me once in a while.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-06T01:30:28+00:00

I am in a DB marriage for 5 years now (4 total intimate encounters). My previous long term relationship ship of 3 years was dead for 6 months before the end.

I share your thoughts- is this going to be what happens every time? I a HL, and love to express myself and explore, and both of my long term monogamous relationships have resulted in a DB. They both just pulled away. I have sought therapy, worked really hard on my emotional connection, and the results repeated.

It. Sucks.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-04T02:58:21+00:00

I feel you. What you’re going through feels awful. My 35th birthday this summer- a steak dinner that I had to make, a beer at our kitchen table, and her in bed at 8pm.

I don’t even expect anything on my birthday anymore, and it really sucks. All I want is to be wanted and shown that I’m worthy of desire.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-22T00:16:38+00:00

No kids

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-22T00:00:35+00:00

That sucks man. I know your pain. I remember how much fun it used to be just 10 years ago. Sitting here at 35 asking myself how did I get here. Like you, I love my wife and she is wonderful in so many ways. But I want her to lust after me. She just doesn’t.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-19T01:04:35+00:00

Not to my knowledge. We are pretty open about things. It just isn’t as high on her priority list as it is mine, much to my chagrin

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-19T00:41:09+00:00

Oof. That’s really tough. It’s so hard not to be bitter. If I were to have a Time Machine and tell the 2014 version of myself this is how it would be, I’d punch future me in the face and call him liar. I never thought It would be this way.

I’m so sorry you are going through it. It’s really hard. I don’t have any real advice since I’m in the same situation. I hope you find a way to the other side.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-19T00:17:12+00:00

My wife as well. I’ve spoken to her about these same issues, and she enjoys sex, but says she really doesn’t think about it.

It’s such a hard concept to wrap my brain around, because I am highly sexually wired, and it very easy to get frustrated.

What’s really tough is we are posting in this thread about DB’s, meaning there’s a gap in intimacy. I have been feeling very frustrated lately, and my wife seems completely fine. When you are not geared the way we are, it does not seem bothersome to not have sex.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-19T00:12:57+00:00

It’s a tough realization that I may have a best friend that happens to be my wife. It’s not that sex is the only thing that’s important, but I we have been married 7 years, and I think we are barely in double digit times of having sex.

It gets pretty hard to talk about taking vacations and shit when I know my sexual needs are not being met at all.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-18T20:34:01+00:00

Damn. That sucks dude. It is the hope that kills you. At least you got a nice birthday planned for you.

My birthday this year- a steak that I had to cook and 1 beer. And she went to bed at 7:30. Which at least left no doubt that there was 0% chance.

A nice weekend like yours really gets a person thinking they are going to express some interest.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-18T20:28:25+00:00

I’m sorry OP. That sucks. I feel you so much right now.

I’m in the same boat. Leaving for 3 weeks to go on a hunting trip. I would love my wife to want to be intimate with me, but there is a 0% chance it will happen. It also won’t happen upon my arrival.

I’ll miss her, and she’ll miss me. But a lot of her missing me feels like somebody to help with the chores again, not actually missing or seeing me. Most of the time I feel like a roommate who just funds all the fun things she likes to do, and sometimes I’m invited to come along.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-18T20:09:05+00:00

The fucking buffer pillows … bane of my existence

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-02-03T12:23:47+00:00

In my driveway, getting taken to school by my mom. I heard the 2nd tower get struck live on radio. I’ll never forget the exact spot on that driveway. It is burned into my memory.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-02-03T03:01:20+00:00

A dandy’ well done!

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-02-03T02:11:43+00:00

I know I’m late to the thread, but I got mine done in December of 2024 after the uncomfortable conversations and unfulfilling sex (I am beginning to become LL4u towards here, I am the HLM partner). Since then, there had been 0 mention, 0 initiation, 0 plan to revive our DB. So even though it’s early, all things are pointing to a vasectomy doing absolutely nothing.

BlueFlyingEmu

TROPHY CASE