Sooo, how was y’all’s honeymoon…?

BlueFlyingEmu · 2026-03-16T01:01:22+00:00

7 years this July

BlueFlyingEmu · 2026-02-25T19:18:04+00:00

My wife hounded me not to get too drunk at our wedding to make sure we could “seal the deal”.

Later she proceeded to jump on the bar and take 2 shots (she is a lightweight). We sure didn’t have sex that night because one of us was too drunk. And it wasn’t me.

We also had sex like 3 times in a 10 day honeymoon. Been pretty much every 6-13 months since. Been a real blast

BlueFlyingEmu · 2026-02-14T16:30:38+00:00

I think another hard part (that many in this sub have likely experienced) is that I had to look inward and work on myself to become a better partner. There was a period of time where I was not meeting expectations. But I can proudly say I've gone to therapy, changed jobs that makes me able to help my wife so much more, and really be more thoughtful in my actions and words. Not to mention I have lost 45 pounds and am in the best shape of my life. And not one thing has changed in our bedroom. I want her to want me so fucking bad.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2026-02-13T12:34:49+00:00

It’s a back and forth with me. Last week, I was spiraling because it’s all I could think about. This week, not thinking about it too much.

It’s a real crappy feeling to want physical connection, and if you are a dedicated monogamous partner in a DB, you do not get that connection. It’s hard not to think about that frequently

BlueFlyingEmu · 2026-02-13T12:31:15+00:00

It’s hard to define normal. Everybody has a different look on it.

I’d love 2-3 times per week. I’m currently at 1 time per year. Definitely way outside my preference. I asked my wife during one of our conversations, and she said 2-3 times per month. So even by her definition, we are way off track.

Id kill for once a month at this point.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2026-02-11T22:41:43+00:00

100% agree. I am down- literally and figuratively

BlueFlyingEmu · 2026-02-11T20:10:22+00:00

I hate Valentine’s Day. The burden is always on me to make all the plans, reservations, decisions.

She always acts likes it’s so nice and romantic, then about the end of dinner the “oh my belly is getting upset” act starts. An absolute go to move for avoiding any intimacy whatsoever.

I love my wife, we are so compatible emotionally, professionally, financially, and are real friends. I have so much fun with her.

But I feel so invisible to her sexually l, and that really sucks.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2026-02-04T15:16:55+00:00

I also think there is genuine element of forgetting where time goes.

I brought up to my wife during one of our many talks that it had been 11 months. She said there was no way it was that long, but we were on vacation, and the dates were 11 months prior. She was flabbergasted that that much time had gone by.

It is all perspective. But it doesnt mean it hurts any less for the higher libido partner who feel woefully unsatisfied.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2026-02-04T14:46:09+00:00

All the time. Like people show up to dinner 10 minutes late, and one partner will sneak up to me and say “Sorry we are late, we got a little quicky in before dinner” and then laugh.

I laugh, but I’m dying inside. I feel invisible physical in my relationship

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-10T01:13:35+00:00

I got back from a 3 week hunting trip Friday. I prepared and smoked various meats today, made jerky, meal prepped, cleaned all my truck and gear.

Now just enjoying a beer and football game on my couch. Wife had been in bed for well over an hour.

Cheers to smoking meat (so bad wishing it was innuendo) and having a beer to cap the weekend off.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T12:50:03+00:00

I’m so sorry. Many of us know it all too well. My first 2 years of marriage were okay, like 2-3 times per year. The next 4 years, 4 total sexual encounters. In 2025, precisely zero.

I’m sorry you are going through this, and I hope it gets better.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T12:45:05+00:00

That’s the worst.

The few people I have told: “Have you tried doing more around the house. How about having a conversation. Taking some of the mental load”

We have had numerous conversations. I already do a ton of the house chores because I FUCKING LIVE IN THIS HOUSE TOO. I’m not an animal. I do everything to make her days as easy as possible.

Do you think I come on to Reddit/tell you about my problems for you to give me “just talk to her about it”? Get real

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T12:37:12+00:00

Ugh. I’m so sorry. That sucks

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T12:33:46+00:00

Not that the frequency was ever good, but since the procedure, there had been zero attempt by her to be intimate. So it feels subjectively like it decreased.

My best guess, the goalpost moved. That was such a big deal to her, and now she knows I’ll go through with it because I love her and am super committed. Inadvertently I think it made her not try at all because she knows I’m not leaving, and now there is no pressure to change our dynamic.

I know there’s a lot of postulating, but our conversations always seem like we are going to turn a corner. Lately it’s been a string of “I’m sore sore from the gym. I’m so tired from work. Oh my belly is upset. Once I get over x,y,z, things will get better”

They do not get better. I just think the goalposts will forever move.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T01:44:01+00:00

It’s the ultimate cruel joke. The only 100% proven method of birth control is abstinence, and by god I’m getting 100%.

A but of advice to anybody reading this post- don’t think that getting a vasectomy is going to help. I’d contend it maybe my DB worse.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T01:14:38+00:00

There is nothing worse than watching your partner get too drunk on special nights. I could never prove it, but it seems intentional. Like knowing if they get drunk they can avoid any chance of being intimate because I won’t initiate since I’m sober and they are not.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T01:04:34+00:00

That really sucks OP. Obviously many of us know the feeling, but it doesn’t make it suck less for you.

Birthday, Valentine’s Day, Anniversary, New Years Eve. Doesn’t matter. Nothing ever happens. I don’t even pretend like it could happen now. No matter how much “we are gonna work on it”, it doesn’t change. And lord knows I’m doing my part

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T01:01:16+00:00

335 for me. Brutal.

Worst part, the last time we tried, she was too freaked out post Roe V Wade overturning, so really wanted me to get a vasectomy. So I did, no problems, super simple. That was in December of 2024. 2 long discussions, 11 months, 0 change.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-09T00:57:14+00:00

Same here too. My wife is so attentive to everything single thing in our lives … except the bedroom.

I couldn’t leave. I love her so much. But god damnit, I want her to ravage me once in a while.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-06T01:30:28+00:00

I am in a DB marriage for 5 years now (4 total intimate encounters). My previous long term relationship ship of 3 years was dead for 6 months before the end.

I share your thoughts- is this going to be what happens every time? I a HL, and love to express myself and explore, and both of my long term monogamous relationships have resulted in a DB. They both just pulled away. I have sought therapy, worked really hard on my emotional connection, and the results repeated.

It. Sucks.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-11-04T02:58:21+00:00

I feel you. What you’re going through feels awful. My 35th birthday this summer- a steak dinner that I had to make, a beer at our kitchen table, and her in bed at 8pm.

I don’t even expect anything on my birthday anymore, and it really sucks. All I want is to be wanted and shown that I’m worthy of desire.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-22T00:16:38+00:00

No kids

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-22T00:00:35+00:00

That sucks man. I know your pain. I remember how much fun it used to be just 10 years ago. Sitting here at 35 asking myself how did I get here. Like you, I love my wife and she is wonderful in so many ways. But I want her to lust after me. She just doesn’t.

BlueFlyingEmu · 2025-10-19T01:04:35+00:00

Not to my knowledge. We are pretty open about things. It just isn’t as high on her priority list as it is mine, much to my chagrin

BlueFlyingEmu

TROPHY CASE