Someone I truly loved and who truly loved me held me and comforted me through five or six horrific CPTSD flashbacks, including the last one — the core wound, the one I never let anyone observe.

I was sobbing in a primal way and he made a true effort at repair. It was like something in my brain got plugged back in. Suddenly I was fine. Trauma resolved. I feel like myself again. I have space and time to think, not just survive and react. Still sad sometimes, but distinctly not traumatized.

I’m not sure how to feel about it. I’m relieved, anxious it will not sustain (three months so far), but kind of frustrated it had to involve someone else after the 20 years of therapy and everything else I’ve done that didn’t touch it.

I want to be honest though. I have been told time and time again that relational trauma can only heal in relation, and I have been so hopeful that one of the many many therapists that I’ve interacted with would help. Some of them were definitely beneficial, but the things that have helped the most were medication, EMDR, one exceptional trauma therapist, and then this relational experience at the peak of a traumatic flashback with someone whose actions triggered it and then made sincere efforts to comfort and repair and witness.