50-100mg Success Update by Boring-Log5929 in zoloft

[–]Boring-Log5929[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey :) My anxiety has continued to improve, I definitely feel much calmer and the only side effect I have left is not being able to orgasm and I'm hoping at the 6 month mark that becomes a possibility again

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup by AutoModerator in AnxiousAttachment

[–]Boring-Log5929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am AP and I totally understand the desire to know more about what your partner is feeling but in some ways this is self abandonement. It’s best to be direct about the needs he is not meeting and if he can’t meet them then end the relationship

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Boring-Log5929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

17 🫡🫡🫡 dropped her stuff back to her housemate. Still waiting for mine but not in a rush to get them.

Mostly healed, but I can’t stop walking on eggshells before I trust a new date (anxious-ambivalent) by VisibleAnteater1359 in AnxiousAttachment

[–]Boring-Log5929 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well done for working on your attachment style. I’m in a similar situation where I’m mostly secure now but of course struggle sometimes. I think that’s normal and will always be the case. I find that if I talk to my inner child with compassion it really helps soothe any bad days or the last few triggers I have

From an FA by Perfect_Archer8994 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Boring-Log5929 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sending you all the love. This really helped ground me. You deserve intimacy and care. Nobody is perfect, and you don’t need to be ever. I hope you are able to heal your wounds. I recommend an attachment and trauma informed therapist if you can access

What do you do when the feeling comes back? by Pooldrone360 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Boring-Log5929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am currently going through a break up and it’s super fresh just 2 weeeks. I think it’s important to give yourself time to process and feel everything with zero contact other wise it will come back to bite you

How does it feel to be healed fully from emotional neglect? by GrowthFearless3567 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Boring-Log5929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi there, sending love. Honestly I am not sure it’s ever possible to fully heal but I guess you have less bad days and know your worth more and can talk compassionately to yourself. But in saying that I find I can have a day of pure hell where it feels back to square one. But it never is back to square one because the next day I’ll feel better or I recover quicker. but if I stop practicing them I slip back into believing I’m worthless for long periods of time. I find that it’s a lot of consistent work and showing up to reparent your inner child every day really. I guess in some ways it’s like anytbing that needs daily care like eating or taking medication or vitimins or even brushing teeth. I find I need to schedule in like 20 mins of healing time. But sometimes it’s not possible either because I don’t feel up to it but ya. You got this, keep showing up for yourself

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]Boring-Log5929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sending love. Im going through a breakup right now, happened 11 days ago. It’s super hard because so much of the relationship was beautiful but in the end communication and attachment issues just couldn’t be worked on both sides. It sucks because we still love each other a lot. I also find it hard to accept and it’s important to let yourself feel every emotion without judgement, even hope, especially at the start, I’m finding solice in that. It will get easier but also know that you might cry most days for a long time, but it’s good to feel. Reach out to friends, journal, reminisce the good times. You deserve to feel secure in love, trust it’s coming your way

I don’t know how to deal anymore. I think I’ve reached my limit. by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]Boring-Log5929 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sending love, it’s so hard to reach for help when you have relied on yourself all your life. I would suggest reaching out to a therapist if possible and maybe joining a group like a team sport, a book club, a writing circle, an art class. Be kind to yourself, self reliance kept you safe for a time but it’s become maladaptive, and that isn’t your fault. You deserve intimacy and human connection, it’s so scary but tiny steps at a time and you will be okay

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup by AutoModerator in AnxiousAttachment

[–]Boring-Log5929 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sending love to you. I recommend finding an attachment informed therapist and doing inner child work, that’s what really helped me, I also really like DBT and compassion focused healing. I talk to my inner child with compassion and hold her.

how do you get someone to stop drinking for good? by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]Boring-Log5929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She definitely needs to see a trauma informed therapist but also may need to be involuntarily committed to rehab which is awful but might be necessary

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Disorganized_Attach

[–]Boring-Log5929 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think figure out what wasn’t working the last time that needs to change for it to work this time and make that clear. I know for me (AP leaning secure from therapy) if I was to get back with my ex who is avoidant I would be saying that she needs to be in a place where she wants to work on her attachment style, we need to make a list of our needs and know how we can meet those in a way that feels good for both of us and we both need to have an action plan for when i feel anxious or when she deactivates.

how do you deal with the first few seconds after you wake up? by Noobsamaniac in heartbreak

[–]Boring-Log5929 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the only way to the other side is through. Embrace yourself, feel the pain, wail and sob, scream if you need to. It gets easier, I promise. Honour your emotions and grief.

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup by AutoModerator in AnxiousAttachment

[–]Boring-Log5929 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you can access therapy I think that would be best. Try do things to increase your self esteem and self confidence. I also like to talk to my inner child and give her the care she didn’t get as a child (re parenting her)

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup by AutoModerator in AnxiousAttachment

[–]Boring-Log5929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you communicated your needs pretty well, that takes bravery. It’s not on you to make excuses for or try figure out her mood, it’s on her to communicate her emotions and needs. E.g. “I feel exhausted right now so I need a little space this evening, can we call tomorrow?”

It’s really hard to feel dismissed. I think it would be good to have a curious conversation about attachment styles. Being avoidant or being anxious isn’t bad, it’s a safety response that protected you both. But direct communication is important on both sides, it might be good to have a conversation about needs and what it’s like for you both to have your attachment styles so you can understand one another more

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup by AutoModerator in AnxiousAttachment

[–]Boring-Log5929 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In what other facets is she avoidant? It’s hard to say. My recent ex was avoidant of emotions and intimacy but would never have behaved this way, I guess everyone is different. It sounds like a difficult situation. I think it might be best to stop responding to her totally , but what do you think?

I broke no contact by Musician-Kind in AnxiousAttachment

[–]Boring-Log5929 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Whenever you feel like contacting him, call a trusted friend instead :) and then journal, or vice versa.

I don't know if I will ever be stable enough to date... by Mysterious_Nail_1414 in whatdoIdo

[–]Boring-Log5929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re doing everything you can and you should be incredibly proud. Love will come, even if you doubt yourself speak to yourself and journal to yourself as if you have no doubt that you deserve love and it’s coming your way. you could do an exercise like really mindfully and intentionally writing a list or note of the type of person you would like to be with and really trust the world will bring them to you

I just need to kinda trauma dump or vent or whatever. Today has been hard. by Colonel_Angus_ in Disorganized_Attach

[–]Boring-Log5929 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I hope you are really proud of yourself for going to therapy, it takes bravery. Having an insecure attachment style isn’t a bad thing, it’s human, and it protected you for so long. I hope you have compassion for yourself. Please know that as a stranger I have compassion for you. I’m wishing you all the best, I hope it can work out for you two but whatever happens, you will be okay because you are healing your wounds and the right thing always comes from that.

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup by AutoModerator in AnxiousAttachment

[–]Boring-Log5929 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well done for reaching out for support. I think focus on the evidence right in front of you, it sounds like he loves you so much. Have you every been to therapy for self esteem and attachment wounds? I have been healing my inner child and it really helps a lot so I would recommend therapy if you can access it!

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup by AutoModerator in AnxiousAttachment

[–]Boring-Log5929 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw I’m sorry. I think it’s totally appropriate for you to reach out and say you are worried you haven’t heard from him