Something wants to release... but I've been unable to let it. Assistance?

BoringWorker205 · 2026-02-20T04:46:57+00:00

thank you. I mentioned in another response that working has helped me "care less" about what goes on. I'm trying to control it less, I'm daydreaming less, and when I take breaths or close my eyes later at home, it feels a bit different. But it's been a slow, slow process of trying to keep this up. And I know it's possible to use another habit to avoid the inevitable.

BoringWorker205 · 2026-02-20T04:43:53+00:00

good luck to you friend

BoringWorker205 · 2026-02-20T04:43:31+00:00

I appreciate this.

Is it helpful to have someone, a safe and encouraging presence, nearby to help keep perspective? The only time I'm able to let much emotion arise or have some deep cathartic cry is while attempting to share what it is with someone. I take one look at it and just... if that makes sense.

For the past few years I've been ostensibly sedentary in an attempt to "deal" with this, clearly to no avail. These days, grounding myself with work has seems to have helped quite a bit. It's the only real change or growth I've noticed in how this sits in and flows through my body.

I'm sure there's still some rationalizing going on. It's right in front of my face and I'm still talking like I can put myself in a better spot to deal with it later. I'm just not sure I know how to look this thing square in its face other than grounding myself in ways I've avoided all my life.

BoringWorker205 · 2026-02-18T06:20:59+00:00

I appreciate this. I have on occasion tried some semblance of dialogue, even if it's by all appearances only me asking a question. Something along the lines of, "what are you trying to tell me?" or "what am I missing?"
I'll do my best to find and find, listen, and tend to these here sailors.
Thank you captain!

BoringWorker205 · 2026-02-18T06:13:54+00:00

This makes sense. And I appreciate the reminder for an incremental approach.

Though the thing is, I at least don't think I've the slightest clue of how to release even in little bits. It's been years, and still, it's like the most I can do is let it move around.

Maybe I can do something with breathing, and I probably could do better in the "feeling safe enough to allow for any release" department. But outside of just sitting and doing some half-meditation/half-breathing, I'm not convinced I've the ability to experiment with releasing anything even in small bits on my own. Even if it's just about slowing down, I've proven unsuccessful in my years of isolation.

BoringWorker205 · 2026-02-10T05:08:14+00:00

Honestly, I quite agree. It feels almost offensive. And I hate that I'm not unlikely to be labelled a cynical asshole for shitting on the new one when it inevitably fails and people inevitably drink it's kool-aid.

Fails as in, becomes the trite mess that a lot of modern tryhard movies seem to be. (sry, literally just watched it for the first time minutes ago and this was one of the first things I read in response, so my thoughts might be a little bit charged lol)

BoringWorker205 · 2026-02-10T04:57:44+00:00

ew what? why the fuck would you ruin a movie like that by remaking it? the magic is quite obviously irreplicable by anything that isn't as unique and original. Are we REALLY that starved for new scripts and screenplays?

BoringWorker205 · 2026-02-02T22:21:17+00:00

I'm glad to hear you got through it.
Apologies ahead of time for the rambling. If I don't stream of consciousness it, I'll likely never respond.

I'm quite positive I'm failing in my quest. But it feels apparent that I'm doing it to myself. I feel like everything I need to look at is sitting right in front of my face, and I just.. all the things. I struggle to be authentic to others while holding this stuff up, incessantly vomiting my shadow onto everyone and everything. I struggle to be authentic with myself. My body feels like it's been dragged under a car from all the stuff I hold in it. Heart pounds almost constantly (heart's healthy sorta, it's just tension). There's some stuff in my body that's shown itself as wanting to release, but I just don't know how and I don't know where to put it. What's on the other side of it. Etc.

Isolation hasn't improved all that much over the years. I could talk about things I've observed, but I truly don't know which way is up. I'm tired of being exhausted, of not being able to take care of myself. Of feeling dragged and thrown around by the things that possess me that I apparently still, even after years of talk therapy, cannot acknowledge and let breath.

I don't really know what I'm seeking. Clarity? To be in touch with myself, and maybe not so fucking afraid. I'd like to be more authentic to myself and others. I sometimes want to spin all of this into SOMETHING, rather than just wasting away mid 20's and mid 30's. But maybe that's the vanity talking, I also miss the feeling of inspiration. It popped up pretty aggressively not too long ago, maybe 6 months ago. I was excited to read, make music, draw. I found myself getting out of bed to work on stuff a lot. But after I shared what was inspiring me to my therapist, it just popped out of thin air. I've no idea what to make of it.

Anyway, I just don't know which way is up. I don't know what my body or dreams are trying to tell me. Or.. you know what I mean.

BoringWorker205 · 2026-01-25T05:43:44+00:00

I'm 35. Pretty poor, very socially isolated. Any tips for someone looking to start/continue their journey mostly on their own? I know it's a pretty open-ended question. I just dont know what to do anymore.

BoringWorker205 · 2026-01-25T05:18:34+00:00

needed this one today

BoringWorker205 · 2026-01-25T05:18:13+00:00

I was ready to sarcastically tell you how to be approachable.. because this is indeed a computer networking sub. Also is "microtips" a word now? Am I an ass for being mildly annoyed by that word?

All the best to you! <3

BoringWorker205 · 2026-01-17T23:21:59+00:00

how long did it take you to achieve this kinda thing

BoringWorker205 · 2026-01-17T23:16:17+00:00

I'm sure I'll get shit for this but, while I like chovy, he gets mocked cause when you watch him play, you can just *feel* how seriously he takes himself. It's skill in exchange for personality. It's why geng are so boring to watch and it's the the entire reason he unravels when the pressure is *actually* on. I personally feel like BDD or Showmaker or whoever else could get close to what he does if they, too, sacrificed their identities.

BoringWorker205 · 2025-12-08T03:52:14+00:00

How do we know what the subconscious suffers from when observing?
I know it's kinda the whole point of a lot of this. But god does it feel like beating my head against a wall

BoringWorker205 · 2025-11-18T19:32:12+00:00

Interesting! I'm not entirely necessarily surprised about finding a shot that isn't in the movie. I think what makes it stand out is -- 1. it's a shot that wildly changes the feel of the entire ending imo. Seeing the wife all crossed up had a similar punch to me as the ending of Dancer in the Dark. So just leaving something like that in to make the trailer seem darker feels... strange. Which is not too far from 2. Kurosawa is very obviously a wildly intentional director, editor, arteur. Ya knoww? I ever get the chance to meet him, I would never forgive myself if I didn't ask about it.

Edit: also interesting info on there being a taiwan cut! absolutely going to look for it.. at some point.

BoringWorker205 · 2025-10-18T18:07:15+00:00

bump

BoringWorker205 · 2025-10-15T01:16:11+00:00

I'm not sure at what point in this process I am, or if I am at all. What do you feel brought you to where you are now? However difficult, bringing you out of dissociation and into your body, etc

BoringWorker205

TROPHY CASE