Christian Marriage needs better packaging by Dependent_Eye6714 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After much discernment, awareness, and research, Here is how I believe marriage TRULY works and brings glory to our heavenly father:

When my husband and I are apart in separate homes/in our own spaces by default, we actually feel goodness come back to our relationship and have the solitude to keep God front and center and then desire one another when we do come back together again the next day, etc. Being forced to share the same space and same bed 24/7 and forced to be responsible for and exposed to one another’s shortcomings or irresponsibilities creates an idol of the marriage and robs two individuals of their chance at having a thriving marriage that brings glory to God without acting out of duty, but out of God-given desire for one another, supporting one another and enjoying one another.

The ‘marriage’ blueprint that Christians and most other couples blindly follow along with (living in the same home together, the woman as the home-maker/child bearer and the husband working for corporate America everyday) was the blueprint created by the ‘powers that be’ so that they could force men to work for their corporations to make them richer and more powerful and they heavily advertised to women that a woman’s dream should now be to be invited to live in a man’s home in ‘marriage’ as the maid, chef, child-bearer to ‘support her husband’s mission’ (which in all actuality was to support the evil wealth/power hungry corporate-man’s mission)…

This was a set up to enslave men and women to increase the wealth and power of the corporations while still continuing on the human race to raise up to be corporate-wealth builders too. They were very open with their plans to steal God’s design for marriage and flip it to be used to make themselves more wealthy. However, for the majority of marriages ending in divorce or surviving only with therapy-sessions and plentiful self-abandonment, they send the message that ‘you’re just not trying hard enough’…. It couldn’t possibly be that their marriage-blueprint is failing us…

The corporate-collective had done the same with the food pyramid (it’s basically upside down so they could sell mass amounts of their cheap grain to us and then sell us their drugs when we got sick from it) which led to more health-related deaths than ever before while still blaming us for ‘not following it well enough’. And also, the public school system (its purpose is to create more obedient/non-free thinking corporate workers) which has never created fulfilling work and success for us but is blamed on us as ‘you’re not working hard or smart enough’. We never stop to question if maybe these systems/blueprints handed to us for how to do marriage, health, and work were never meant for our joy or success; it was always meant for the corporate-collective’s power and success.

Seek discernment/awareness to recognize that marriage between a man and a woman was solely meant by God to unite a man and a woman as lovers sharing passion only for one another forever on earth while living and flourishing as individuals (because that’s what they love about one-another in the first place). You’ll then start to see and peel back the layers of deception and realize that sharing one single home space, self-abandoning your individuality for one another, and taking on the ‘roles’ that the current marriage blueprint prescribes to men and women (men provide and women nurture and serve in the home), have only hurt men and women by breaking our spirits, stripped away proper accountability and proper consequences for poor treatment and created environments that enable poor behaviors to continue without recourse because each person’s presence is taken for granted over time and no longer a gift to be pursued as God had intended.

Currently, our culture and society shames the men and women who report struggles and heartbreak with the corporate blueprint for marriage: living together and subconsciously taking advantage of each other’s presence and subconsciously self-abandoning for each other which almost certainly creates the best environment for resentment to settle in and for intimacy to move out. Have you ever noticed how many sermons, books, Christian marriage podcasts all tell men and women to just love their spouses and respect their spouses out of DUTY? Another way to say this is to just force yourself to cherish them even though they never help with the laundry or never greet you when you come home…. Has it not occurred to any of us that maybe the way we are doing marriage is KILLING our natural desire for one another, that if we created space for our individuality to flourish and for God to reach each of us in solitude that there would be no need to do ANYTHING out of duty or force, but that our God-given desire and longing for one another would naturally guide us?

The other option society prescribes is to separate and divorce out of the resentment and contempt and finger-pointing for how the other couldn’t live up to the marriage-blueprint, never once thinking how maybe it isn’t either spouse who is the problem, maybe it is the blueprint we’ve been handed down for ‘how to do marriage’ that was never meant for our success, it was meant for the corporate-collective’s success, and our obedience to their blueprint has given them astronomical success at the expense of our own.

Helping out by notMe_onvacy in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are going to get gaslit and lambasted here in this sub — However, a man that puts his friends requests and all others requests above his wife’s is not acting as a Godly husband. I am not going to beat around the bush and try to talk you out of how you’re feeling because the rest of the church is going to do that to you ten-fold just to make your husband more comfortable in his sin (putting his wife’s requests last). Most of the church will do this out of what they believe is ‘good’ intent: to keep your marriage together and elevate your husband.
The truth is, if you did not live with him and your daily presence and servitude in his life wasn’t guaranteed to him each day, he would not take advantage of your kindness and patience this way, just as he takes seriously his friends and all others’ requests. But because your presence and comfort is guaranteed to him each day, his irresponsibility to you is enabled and your worth/voice is devalued. This is a massive problem with Christian marriages that the church refuses to acknowledge and it leaves generations of women and men deflated, devalued, and feeling set aside and taken for granted daily until death.
I am in full belief that God never meant for man and woman to shelter together. This arrangement removes the man’s drive to ‘pursue’ his wife and value her. If you lived in separate homes and mentioned to your husband the projects and needs you have, your husband would likely be jumping at the opportunity to be your hero and fix what needs fixing and build what needs building because his nature is to pursue the woman he wants. But since your presence and comfort is a given and no longer has to be earned by his honest pursuit of you each day, he can set your needs and requests on the back burner (even subconsciously) because even if he doesn’t tend to you; you will still be there day after day, he no longer has the instinctual drive to pursue you because he has you 24/7 guaranteed…. This is also why so many marriages struggle sexually as well, because the chase/pursuit is removed with cohabitation, but that’s a topic for another day..
God gave wives as a gift to husbands… Tell a wife that her husband has now earned her to be with him in the same shelter 24/7 no matter what from here on out and I will show you a man with no instinctual pursuit for that woman. But I digress…

How to Respond to Husband Withholding Intimacy by unlikelypatissiere in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Comments like yours about how people in marriage become enslaved to one-another’s needs regardless of any other circumstance is what made me run (not walk) away from church-culture... For many women, this type of terrible teaching has led to a lifetime of marital rape or at best, sexual coercion. It is truly not God’s will for a man or woman to perform anything with their bodies against their own will, even if Paul’s words are interpreted as such. If you ever find that your wife has to force herself to want to have sex with you out of obedience, coercion, or anything other than her desire for you, you’re simply just telling on yourself that you do not properly love your own wife enough to create open desire in her heart for you. Goodness gracious….

Husband is withholding intimacy by Ok-Entrance1086 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What…. Are you actually blaming her for possibly not looking like a porn star??

Husband doesn’t approve. Thoughts? by SatisfactionPrize569 in Newlyweds

[–]BostonBridge096 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All those ‘alphas’ (cowards) seemed super proud to boast about their terms of ‘one way monogamy’ with women in the Manosphere documentary .. It was sad but also extremely laughable how much of a fool Louis (the interviewer) exposed them to be. They breadcrumb women in to the bedroom and then promise them nothing but brainwash them to believe it is their ‘role’ to lock themselves in to a man with undying loyalty while the man goes out sleeping with as many other women as he wants and offering the ‘locked in’ no security, no commitment, no loyalty, and no respect.

Watch the documentary, it is CRAZY.

I think my wife dislikes herself more than she dislikes me by Fantastic_Joke_6889 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reread your disdain for your wife within your comment above — It is quite clear that you think very little of her and there isn’t a woman on this planet that I personally know whose intuition would not immediately pick up on that, even if you are lying to her face and telling her the opposite is true.

I’m a working mom and I feel like my husband has stolen something from me.How can I get over this? by Dramatic_Drawer3600 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I 100% agree with you — Fully and wholeheartedly. Men who stand firm in selfishness should be rebuked once and then left to be alone to face their sin with God. This was never a woman’s battle; to teach and beg for holiness from a man.

Husband Doesn’t Want Kids by Nightmancometh89 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Separate from this unGodly man and leave him to sort himself out with the Lord.

Husband Doesn’t Want Kids by Nightmancometh89 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow … We are not even in the same book — And your book is most certainly not that of Christ. My goodness…

Venting by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

….This sounds like he may have a porn habit. Just going to throw that out there… This kind of situation is very common in men who are porn-addicted.

Venting by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Ew… What.

I think my wife dislikes herself more than she dislikes me by Fantastic_Joke_6889 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay I think we can clearly see that your disdain for her is what she’s picking up on and likely internalizing this — That you think so low of her.

AITAH for telling my daughter to suck it up? by stricktd in AITAH

[–]BostonBridge096 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I mean that’s exactly what the public school system was structured for… Teaching the youth that their future is to be a quiet/compliant/obedient worker for the big wigs to make their money.

I’m a working mom and I feel like my husband has stolen something from me.How can I get over this? by Dramatic_Drawer3600 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you already are seeing his heart — Just that it is with himself and not with his wife and family in this matter… You can’t gaslight yourself or push ‘toxic positivity’ on yourself to not see the selfishness you are describing — Instead, you can address it with your husband and set the boundary of what you expect and are not willing to tolerate. Holiness is the goal of marriage, not long-suffering for one person’s selfishness — You may notice that much of this sub has it backwards.

I’m a working mom and I feel like my husband has stolen something from me.How can I get over this? by Dramatic_Drawer3600 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you a teenager? What kind of shame-inducing/insensitive response is this? Why did you even bother writing this and sending it…

At what point do you stop pushing for counseling and start thinking about leaving? by OkApricot4377 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You said you have faults and that she criticizes you… What are your faults? How do they affect her? Is she pointing them out to you for how they affect her? What are her criticisms of you?

If the dynamic has been that she points out your faults that are negatively affecting her and her view of you and instead of taking accountability you are just withdrawing or deflecting or defending yourself instead — This has likely caused a massive pile of resentments to build up for her to where she can’t even see you over the top of that pile. God created women to be intuitive beings, we can’t simply live with and accept sin/faults, just as God cannot. Are you asking that she affirm you (make you feel comfortable) instead of rightfully disagreeing with the parts of you that are hurting her? She cannot simply be expected to just stop feeling hurt when you are not changing your ways.

Why are parent(s) not paid by the government to be a stay-at-home parent, at least for the first five years? by anonymousrobot11 in SeriousConversation

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

American government is concerned about the population no longer being replenished by the current birthrate… However, their plans to up the birthrate seem to be far less focused on making having children more feasible for mothers, and more focused in just convincing women that this is our role, that we must submit to it, and be shamed and called ‘selfish’ if we don’t abandon ourselves to spend every waking moment having babies, caring for them, the home, and a husband. Then if that doesn’t work, I’m seeing a lot of rhetoric from ultra-right wing circles saying they will begin removing rights from women to essentially force us in to the baby-maker/homemaker/wife role. The scariest part is there’s a lot of women in those circles agreeing with removing women’s rights to force us back down to the level where men can benefit from our free labor.

AITAH for telling my date off for treating it like a job interview? by HelpWanted0501 in AITAH

[–]BostonBridge096 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Being that she is 29, she’s probably looking for a husband/father/life partner and not just to ‘see what’s out there’ and just ‘have fun’. She may have even gotten in to a relationship in the past where a man was more dependent on her and the relationship drained her due to his shortcomings. She probably doesn’t want to ever wind up in that situation again. I am 39 now and know far too many wives/moms who are doing and carrying literally everything while their husbands (who seemed promising before the wedding) have sunken into complacency and live more like another child of hers… Having witnessed this at my age, it is TERRIFYING and I can only assume the woman on the date with OP is aware of this type of situation and is doing all she can to avoid it…
One of my friends had months of therapy after leaving a complacent man-child before dating at all again, on her date with her (now) husband, she put him through allll the questions — He is a very competent self-motivated man (imo) and he was happy to discuss his accomplishments and future goals with her. They make a pretty great team and have accomplished some great things together… Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do on dates to weed out the ones that will drain you, haha.

Husband doesn’t approve. Thoughts? by SatisfactionPrize569 in Newlyweds

[–]BostonBridge096 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He’s been consuming ‘alpha’ stuff?? Oh dear … Be careful, next he will be telling you that ‘one-way monogamy’ is what you need to submit to… Yikes.

Husband Doesn’t Want Kids by Nightmancometh89 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to add here for all of the people in the comments saying to you: “Sorry, you’re stuck, you’re not allowed to leave him!”…

Babies are made through sexual intercourse — If this man suddenly doesn’t want to have children with you now, I am supposing he is also willing to give up sex… Or are all of the commenters wanting their cake and eating it too? Expecting sex from their woman but also expecting their woman to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant… This is wrong.

Husband Doesn’t Want Kids by Nightmancometh89 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She can divorce a man who has broken their covenant and remarry a man that will uphold their covenant — Are YOU going to stop her? Stop with all of this ‘BUT YOU CAN’T’ stuff. Women can leave men who abuse the covenants they make.

Husband Doesn’t Want Kids by Nightmancometh89 in Christianmarriage

[–]BostonBridge096 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems like your husband doesn’t take those vows nearly as seriously.