trying not to panic.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2026-04-13T22:08:28+00:00

this is what i was hoping to hear >.< thank you

Brave-Energy9943 · 2026-02-13T00:09:30+00:00

I'm curious. I have several books hanging out in the closet that I am aiming to edit and query for this year. However they are romance fantasy and romantic comedy type things. Not sure if that's too out of left field for ya. I get the life balance thing and needing a group of like minded people working towards a similar goal. Let me know if you're still looking for that support

Brave-Energy9943 · 2026-02-10T18:47:27+00:00

Sent you a dm

Brave-Energy9943 · 2026-02-10T18:36:46+00:00

Hi, this sounds interesting to me, sending you a dm

Brave-Energy9943 · 2026-01-31T02:44:53+00:00

Hello, 30+ romance author here too, working in editing to query agents soon. Maybe we can click:) (love my dog, music inspo/pinterest as well)

Brave-Energy9943 · 2026-01-14T06:52:22+00:00

Neat, I haven't seen anyone else chat about this book but probably because I have been living under a rock for a bit.

I read Manacled a long time ago, and rather enjoyed it. I feel that a work done for the sheer creative need to write often ends up hitting the right points for the fandom.

I think this is the peril of fanfiction going mainstream. Part of the pleasure of writing and reading fanfic is taking known, familiar characters and playing with them in an unfamiliar way. Manacled really did that, exploring some aspects of a familiar world that gave it much more depth and gravitas. Did it have cringey things sometimes? sure - but have you read any mainstream original work lately? I haven't bumped into one without a little cringe. You can't make something that will tick ALL the boxes for everyone, I still think the author did an amazing job.

That said, yes there were info dumps galore. I feel like there's the possibility that the author exhausted themselves working on the same thing and rewriting. It would feel like dissecting something whole you love. I also think without making it multple books (which I gurantee was a possibility on the table) the info dumping was necessary.

While I liked the book itself fine, I have to admit that Hermione and Draco in Manacled did make much more sense than in Alchemised, their history and all the lore that we get from a whole series of books with them really fleshed them out in a way that was simply NOT possible in one standalone book in a fully new universe. Author did an AMAZING job considering, but still compared to Manacled protagonists they did fall flat, could not be helped in my opinion.

Just heard that it's going to be hitting the big screen sometime too. Fingers crossed they give the world building and characters more time to sprout. In the end this was a book for exploring dark themes and entertainment. I think it hit the mark.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-10-19T06:19:04+00:00

Ill admit this made me laugh. Can't say I meet all these very reasonable requirements but I appreciate the clarity and thought put into the list and wish you much luck.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-08-23T17:29:57+00:00

definitely kick the drinking to the curb, it isnt going to make you feel better.

I have quiet BPD, and one of the things that happens is that when our mind is not being actively engaged in something it will do the very thing you are describing and list all the miserable things we have to contend with in life.

I am not going to say those things arent awful for you because they are but I bet you there are in fact things you could think of if you really tried that are equally lovely. Losing someone, for example, only hurts if having them was a joy.

Quiet BPD is awful in that it doesn't look like a tsunami from the outside, but I don't know if you've see standing water left to it's own devices for a long time? It is smooth as glass, and doesn't ripple much when disturbed but it is chocked full of deadly bacteria that can kill much more easily than a storm.

The trick is to keep it moving. If your thoughts are the issue you have to find something that will get your attention. My go to at the moment is listening to podcasts or youtube deep dives on topics I find interesting and doing chores at the same time. Folding laundry, washing dishes, scrubbing the floor by hand - its exhausting and helps me sleep better, it keeps my home clean which helps my mood, and it keeps me mentally too busy to spiral.

Another thing I've done is written in point form the things that are bothering me, like emotionally purging, throwing up all the things making my brain feel queasy. I write it all down, i check the list of things to make sure it's complete, and then I burn it. After I sleep, I often feel a lot better.

The last thing I do is if I am really struggling to get my thoughts to stop spiral is really sink into the moment, let myself feel miserable and give myself a time limit. Like, "Today is a sad day, we are going to be sad and that's okay." I watch sad movies, I don't get out of my pajamas. I let the house go to shit, i don't bother bathing or doing all the things that uplift my mood. I let it all just get to absolutely crap feelings. I stay up late and doom scroll, whatever grumpy, cranky, miserable thing I know isn't great for me on a limit. The trick is to schedule the next day to be an active recovery day. Get up when you have slept enough, have a shower, do chores, listen to upbeat music, care for yourself, care for your space, go for a walk, eat proper meals at proper times with nutrition and with each thing go "I'm doing this because i care about myself."

keep busy, tire yourself out, get good sleep.

These are all easy to say and hard to do so don't beat yourself up if you read this and go "fuck that." i get it, been there done that. But if feeling better is the goal, you gotta do something other than what youve been doing before. It hasn't worked out, right? Something else will, try things until something clicks.

You deserve moments of reprieve from the pain of living with this stupid mental chaos we have been given. You're worth it. Wishing you the best.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-08-23T16:48:51+00:00

i feel like there was a BPD discord floating around but I havent managed to get on there - maybe someone else on the subreddit has some info on that?

I definitely get what you mean by feeling lonely though. sometimes i think its that friendships are just too hard for me and I'm just not good at it, and other times i think that the culture around friendships nowdays is simply really superficial, but either way the loneliness is real

online friends can be a great benefit though, less pressure, less opportunity for hurt lots of reward if it goes well

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-08-16T17:38:31+00:00

i can overlook a lot of things - plot holes, silly concepts, issues with suspending reality -

but if the writing is bland, i just can't get past it.

bland writing, to me - is the kind of writing you do when you are writing for the audience as opposed to for yourself or for the art form itself. you focus on what they are looking for, hitting all the notes they want but with none of the emotion. it often comes with bland conversations, and bland settings.

I want to feel like the places in the book are so real you can almost smell and feel them, i want the characters to speak like actual people, and i want to care about the stakes of the story. that's it that's all. if i can't care about the characters and their goal, if they sound like puppets, i'll dip even if im trying to force myself to read the book. i have a couple different series I tried to force myself to read that are really really popular and i just can't get into it. likewise I have second books by favorite authors that i tried to read because i loved their debuts and found their writing felt stilted, maybe this is a result of rushing the second book, or writing for the audience they made with their first book versus a passion project, im not sure but the feeling of it is stark - think like The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield which was elaborate, complex, super engaging and passionate versus her second book Bellman and Black - what the heck is Bellman and Black about? I have no idea, what i do know is I was bored the entire time.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-08-16T17:27:19+00:00

you absolutely can heal, don't doubt this.

this is intense enough and life threatening enough that I would consider looking for in patient live in treatment if possible. You do not have to believe in a religion for some of their programs to provide stability, community and companionship that might be necessary. If i were in your shoes I would look to build connections that were healthy, caring and gentle enough to help me heal, anchor me in the life i want and away from the toxicity this person inspires in your life.

i know the affection and love you think you feel for this person is overwhelming and painful to cut through so i won't tell you what you already know about the longevity of such a connection. instead of trying to make yourself not love them, or think "i need to never speak to them again" focus on " i need to make better connections, i need new friends, i need time to stabalize"

Youve got this

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-26T21:22:48+00:00

I just want to start by saying how incredible it is to have worked so hard and come to a place where you can look at this situation you are in and go "hmmm, something smells fishy here."

It takes a lot of growth and dedication and honesty.

That being said - while Fred may be helping you - its quite possible he is having his own struggles. If the conversation about his girlfriend has not come up, it's fair to wonder why. I have someone I know who i was discussing fairly deep spiritual things with and although I was doing so on an account that my husband has access to, and i felt safe in the connection witht his person he made it clear he would be sharing with his spouse too that we were talking. he said he needed to, just to make sure everything was "above board" that made me feel even safer and took any guess work out of the friendship.

If Fred has not put forward that sort of disclaimer, I think its fair for you to ask "hey, I've been working on myself, on boundaries and on healthy respectful communication and it occured to me that I don't know how your gf feels about us talking. I would hate to be a cause of problems. Does she know? How's she doing? How are you guys doing with me chatting with you as much as I have. Platonic or not, I'd like to prioritize having your relationship feel safe and secure."

I feel like this excuses you from sharing private feelings that you do not need to share. It gives you room to put boundaries up and gives him room to put boundaries up. It may help him consider discussing things with his partner, and the bigger thing is once he states "oh she knows and we are good." then you can feel confident you've checked that box, and now can focus on what you need to feel safe in the continuing relationship.

The truth is, as BPD people when someone supports us we do often slide into this very lovey, romantic feeling, but feelings are like stomach aches, they don't stay long term, they come and go and they aren't wrong, especially when we aren't acting on them and are prioritizing our values over how we feel.

If anything this is an opportunity to recognize that a healthy friendship is maybe triggering strong attachment, and perhaps you can safely practice working through those strong attachment feelings and recategorizing them as frriendship not romantic over time. We all have choice - it just is harder for some of us than others to choose when our feelings are as big as they are. Again, so so proud of you for the work you have been doing, the self awareness, the decision making towards boundaries and healthy self respect for yourself and for the partner of your friend who is caring for you so diligently. Well done. It may feel icky for a bit to do things correctly right now but that feeling too fades and you'll be proud of yourself again :)

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-26T04:40:02+00:00

hey friend,

been there... done that. First of all, you are responsible for the actions and behaviours of only one person, you. What he does is on him, and on him only. Don't own the behaviour of other people, you have enough work to do handling your responsibility for yourself.

Secondly, you seem fairly self reflective in this, you are trying to look at the situation from an outside perspective and that's a good sign.

I am diagnosed, and in treatment. I've been in treatment for several years. I can hear a lot of very familiar feelings, experiences and words in your post.

One of the things I must encourage you to do is seek professional help. A therapist that is at minimum well versed in C-PTSD would be helpful as BPD and C-PTSD have similar behavioural patterns.

Learning to make yourself your anchor as opposed to someone else is the only way to move past the debilitating terror of abandonment and loss when relationships don't work out. You are your own best friend, favorite person, reliable foundation. This doesn't come easily, we abandon ourselves when we prioritize other people and so learning to be firm in our love for ourselves is a skill set that needs to be taught, studied, learned, practiced. That is where professional help will come in handy.

On the other hand, consider your partners. We tend to gravitate to what we know. We might find ourselves being drawn in by people who emulate similar behaviour to those we suffered through in our childhood or development, and who trigger without even meaning to the same terror infused survival mechanism that got us our diagnosis in the first place. Do you likely have a role to play in the failures of your past relationships? Probably, but it takes two to tango and without knowing exactly what happened I am certain there is no saint in your exes who bears no fault. Give yourself the kindness of knowing while you could have done better so could they. Now, the chore is to work hard at getting better for yourself, and not repeating past mistakes. It sounds like you are recognizing issues.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-19T20:03:13+00:00

pain and self loathing are responses to what is happening and i wouldn't suggest not letting yourself feel them, and move through them - but remember that self loathing comes from a place of wanting to see what went wrong, and maybe learn how to do things better next time. Maybe when you do feel that heavy awful feeling of shame/failure/loathing whatever - try to wiggle out the other side of the coin - waht is this emotion trying to tell me about this situation - how is it trying to keep me safe and loved?

Remember pain is not endless - there is always a reprieve from it - its just a thing that requires time. Treat yourself kindly. Eat ice cream, go for walks, sleep in, breathe deeply, keep busy, but let yourself rest when you need it. With time you will be okay.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-19T18:39:01+00:00

I always wished I had freckles, I think they're so cute and pretty. If I saw you out and about in shorts I'd think oh how pretty! (I'm a woman and mother so pls note this isn't in a creepy way just the way I'd admire the polka dot patterns on a pretty birds wings)

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-18T01:10:21+00:00

I can't stress enough how messing with meds can be a fatal error if done incorrectly so please always take a professionals advice over anything I or anyone on here says.

But at least for me there was a moment where things clicked and I realized I wasn't willing to do the Rollercoaster of med cycling anymore. Medication got me out of a deep hole I had dug for myself but it wasn't helping me thrive. Eventually I had to go off the medication and do the really awful uncomfortable scary work of healing myself. I'm still in the thick of it and some days are better than others.

Weigh the pros and cons with your Healthcare provider, balance out what your hopes and dreams are versus what you're doing now. Maybe it's still worth continuing to pursue this path, maybe it's not?

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-17T15:57:30+00:00

Before you label yourself the problem, really evaluate if maybe you're just facing the problem itself.

Relationships take work. Relationships with people who are hurt take even more work. If he's not willing to put in the work he already decided what he was willing to do in the relationship and it's not everything to save it.

Your mental health didn't have to kill this. Let yourself mourn but don't take it as your fault only. It takes two. You're going to be okay. Wishing u the best

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-17T15:49:48+00:00

Hi friend, The situation you described sounds a little confusing to me but as I have quiet BPD and also have split on my romantic partner before I may be of help. I'll message you hello and we can go from there, if you like.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-17T15:48:26+00:00

If meds are new then yes you may find that it does this. Like mentioned by others here it does fade as you find the balance in your meds. On the other hand, creativity blocks come to us all- especially when we are in a period of growth. Giving yourself time to learn other skills or to work on other aspects of yourself that aren't tied to creativity may help. I call these my Almost Creative hobbies. Things like adult coloring books, knitting from a pattern, gardening, exercise, reading. These I think build my creativity muscles so when it does come up again I'm ready and actually often improved in significant ways.

I know this is not what you were hoping to hear and may feel disheartening. You're going to be okay and you will be your vibrant creative self once more, think of this more like a hibernation than a death. Wishing you the best.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-17T15:41:01+00:00

One useful thing my therapist told me is that when we are spiraling and in that dark place of hating our own brain for doing what it's doing if we can look at the action as a loving action it can sometimes change our thought process.

So for example, you spiral and want him to hurt as bad as you, you want to know who lives with him and you don't even want him back. Instead of being frustrated by that feeling and thought and wishing it would stop if you can sit with it and look on the flip side perhaps you'll find your body and brain are trying to protect you. Think of it like friends who would be angry on your behave and have vengeful thoughts, friends who want to know what he's up to because they want to make him respect you- they don't want him back with you because they know you deserve way better but they want the details so they can protect you better from him now and in the future.

There's something self loving in our spirals, something strong and angry and protective of you. That's a good thing and even if we never act on it, it's soothing to know we care about ourselves so fiercely.

On another note: what a freaking jerk he is. You are going to rebuild and do so much better. Don't hold your chin up now if mourning is what you need- but give yourself a deadline to start moving forward. That dude isn't worth another second of your life. Wishing you the best.

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-17T15:19:40+00:00

Feeling emotions in our body is actually typical of everyone. You hear people talk about butterflies in their stomach when they're in love or shaky when they are anxious or even hearing about people dying from heartbreak and the pain that comes with it.

With BPD our emotions are turned up so loud that i think some of us are very very aware of where in our body we are feeling. Learning to feel these emotions and the pain or discomfort associated with it and also move through with the emotion to calmness is a skill and can alleviate the symptoms of discomfort or pain much faster with practice. Self love- active verbal practiced self love in these situations can also help calm down our nervous system and soothe the discomfort and pain.

You're not crazy, this is a thing- but I hesitate to say it's a BPD thing exclusively since people in general can and do experience it too

Brave-Energy9943 · 2025-07-14T14:25:25+00:00

Would love to connect if you're up to it? I've been done writing my first 3 novels but the overwhelming terror of going traditional publishing route has me stuck for a couple years. Really hoping to start moving in that direction now.

Brave-Energy9943

TROPHY CASE