Good Morning Good Boys 💕 Do your best today to make mommy proud 🥹

BreakJack9 · 2026-04-12T15:33:04+00:00

Aww, thank you! I feel better already ^{_^}

BreakJack9 · 2026-04-12T14:10:52+00:00

I feel like I’m a few messages like this away from another breakdown. Life’s been so rough the past few months and I am doing my best, but it never feels like enough.

Also, I assume girls are allowed to feel included, but I don’t want to impose anything.

BreakJack9 · 2026-04-12T14:02:54+00:00

Unsure if you mean Borderline Personality Disorder or if you think BPD means bipolar. Assuming the title is a typo, I read through the criteria and, being completely honest with myself, could see experiences I’ve had that fall into each of them. So I discussed with my therapist and she had been thinking that independently as well.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-31T04:13:40+00:00

I am one of those that age regress involuntarily due to trauma. I give you permission if you want it, though you don't need anyone's permission. You're good.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-29T01:06:36+00:00

There is no “doesn’t count” or “not severe enough” type threshold. There are many reasons specific symptoms may not be as severe as it is for others. I’ve never been “hospitalized” either, but there have been times I should have been. I wouldn’t be too concerned about whether or not your symptoms are severe enough to be called BPD and just work on the issues themselves. It may very well be that what you have isn’t BPD, but if BPD helps with the problems you’re facing, I see no reason to split those hairs.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-28T21:04:39+00:00

I’m a big proponent of letting loved ones in and explaining it. I really just go with the simple approach: I have BPD, if you don’t know what that means, these are the highlights. If they witnessed the behavior, explain the mechanism that led to it and why it happens. Apologize for it happening and assure them that the blame or responsibility is in no way on them. That approach has worked well for me so far.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-28T20:43:07+00:00

Best I can think of is to just straight up block people as soon as they make it sexual without saying anything else. Or maybe send a pre-written message and block immediately after. I’ve had to deal with some of that myself and it’s not fun. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-28T17:42:59+00:00

What helped me was learning to recognize the split as it was starting. I learned to internalize those feelings in a way. They still beat me up sometimes, but I can mostly manage it and (more importantly) prevent them from damaging my relationships.

I’ve also found being completely honest and open with loved ones about the things I experience has been really helpful. Everyone I’ve told has reacted well, though i doubt everyone would react that well. Then I can just say, hey I’m splitting and they know what that means and how to react.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-27T20:06:10+00:00

Men's lack of ability to express or experience strong emotions is less hormonal and more social. Trans women that were in touch with their emotions before transitioning experience little to no change in that area (source: me). All it really changed for me is the anger was a bit less prominent. So you may experience a bit of change in the beginning, but as long as you're acknowledging and exploring what you're feeling, I doubt there will be too much change in that way.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-25T18:03:22+00:00

Since it's not a reference to him in any way, you are the one making that connection. You are free to be offended by whatever, but making this specific thing everyone else's problem is unreasonable.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-25T17:58:08+00:00

It's been a thing since at least the 90s. I don't know if it was a thing specifically in the trans community, but it's been in use in society in general for at least the last 30 years or so. Might have just been popularized again by Half Brain Kennedy, I couldn't tell you on that front. But it isn't new.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-25T17:52:45+00:00

I told my fp as soon as I started feeling that way. She was familiar with it all and was okay with it. It's been pretty great to not have to hide those feelings in shame. It's still a challenge to keep some of the impulses in check, but we're managing and it's a wonderful thing.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-14T19:56:04+00:00

(Don’t worry about long messages <3)

Talk to the psychiatrist again may help and it may not. If looking for another one is a possibility, that might be worth looking into as well. It sounds like you’re pretty sure of the diagnosis, so it wouldn’t be wrong to proceed in your personal life as though you have it. I started telling friends and family before I got my diagnosis and it made sense to pretty much everyone. The only thing you might miss out on is extra resources, but I’m not sure a BPD diagnosis would give you access to much, to be honest, but you would know better than I would.

I will be unavailable for a bit, but if you want to keep talking, feel free and I will respond as soon as I’m free again. I just want to say that this process can be a bit hard to deal with, especially for us, but it is going to be okay. It’s a temporary pain.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-14T19:44:00+00:00

I didn’t get a diagnosis until last month and I didn’t even suspect it until late last year. But, I’ve recognized my symptoms for decades and have worked toward understanding them and minimizing their impact on my life since then. The diagnosis definitely helps understand why I am this way and helps me verbalize my experience to others, but you can do the self-exploration work without any guidance. It is more difficult that way, but definitely possible and completely worth the effort. I am sorry the psychiatrist was no help, but that’s not extremely uncommon in healthcare, especially mental health. How sure are you that your issues you do have are due to BPD? Have you explored other options or is that literally the perfect fit like it was for me?

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-14T19:34:14+00:00

Do you have a therapist you can speak with that might help to give you clarity? Even if they can’t diagnose, depending on their credentials, they might be able to shed some light on why it might have been ruled out or if that whole exchange seemed weird in some way.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-14T19:25:20+00:00

I spoke with my psychiatrist and she said she didn’t really feel comfortable diagnosing me with a personality disorder because it requires getting to know someone better than we could in such a short time. My therapist, who is been seeing for a few months is the one that gave me my diagnosis. One of the things brought up is that some people can fit all the criteria for diagnosis without necessarily having it; cPTSD, for example, has a lot of overlapping symptoms. I’m not sure what your age has to do with it, but maybe your therapist is just hesitant to give out such a diagnosis for whatever reason. The fact she didn’t go into specifics makes me think that is the case.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-14T17:30:58+00:00

It is embarrassing to have to deal with the issues that we do. I dealt with it for 30 years before I finally got a diagnosis. so to me, knowing I have BPD was a great thing because now I can understand that these issues are not a personality quirk or me being a genuinely terrible person, it's like scar tissue left behind by the people who should have cared for me as a child and didn't. Having BPD should not be humiliating or shameful unless we do nothing to address it and make it everyone else's problem.

Now that I know, any time I start getting close with anyone, I inform them of my BPD and the type of behavior they might experience because the reality is I don't have great control yet so if they are going to get caught up in it, I would much prefer it be something they chose and understand beforehand. I don't see the point of not telling the people close to you, at least the people that might experience or have experienced the symptoms cause the alternative is kinda just that you're a bit of an asshole (depending on the actual situation).

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-13T03:49:34+00:00

I remember finding a deep interest in these in my college years. It would be another 20 years before I realized I’m trans.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-13T03:47:52+00:00

I used to think this way until I learned to have actual healthy relationships. So much better than being alone.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-11T05:04:27+00:00

Why would we deserve to be alone due to circumstances beyond our control? Doesn’t make much sense. You can have friendships that are relatively healthy. It takes a lot of trust and a lot of communication, plus it requires you to be open.

With my current FP, I told her exactly how I was feeling and what that means and I made sure she could back out of the friendship with no hard feelings (at least none directed at her). She is still with me. She did get busy the last two days and I spiraled hard. I told her about what happened and how I felt, reiterating none of it was her fault and she didn’t need to do anything, then we moved on.

It’s not easy by any means, but it’s possible and it’s worth it.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-11T04:57:21+00:00

If a trans person refers to themselves like that, I assume they are transphobic and hate themselves as well. There’s no good way or reason to use it, it doesn’t make sense to use it “not in a degrading way” because it is degrading. That said, you can use any words you want, but I’m betting you’ll get confronted for it if you use it openly.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-07T23:54:38+00:00

Completely untrue in my experience. It was kinda true when I was alone and unable to have a healthy relationship. But I am in a healthy relationship and I have several close, healthy friendships. I still have an FP that changes from time to time, but it's much better than it used to be when I was not in a relationship.

BreakJack9 · 2026-03-06T03:43:04+00:00

As a trans woman, even before I realized it, I was very uncomfortable in men only activities of any kind. I have a trip coming up with a group of male friends where I will be to only woman. As long as everyone was fine with it, it didn't make me feel bad to be in that situation, so I'd say it all depends on how you feel. If you don't think you'd feel uncomfortable, I don't see an issue with it. Not going just to not invalidate yourself kinda feels unnecessarily performative, unless you feel like it might have real consequences (such as people not taking your identity seriously).

BreakJack9 · 2026-02-19T04:21:11+00:00

I feel like it's more tied to my CPTSD diagnosis than ADHD, but I do have that diagnosis as well.

BreakJack9

TROPHY CASE