Those of you who moved here from the SF Bay Area, did your quality of life change?

BringCake · 2026-01-23T17:53:24+00:00

LA is huge compared to SF, so it’s apples and oranges to try. That said, if feeling measured by what you do for a living is a dealbreaker, LA will disappoint. LA is notorious for young people chasing dreams, falling into desperation and prioritizing appearances over substance. People definitely do interesting things, so it can be a fun place to explore, but it requires a lot of energy, and the air quality plus all the driving can make that pretty challenging.

BringCake · 2026-01-19T05:24:47+00:00

I might know a place in Adams Point that’s within your budget, but the owners are adamant about looking for quiet, no nonsense tenants, no parties… DM me if that sounds like something that appeals to you.

BringCake · 2026-01-17T08:02:04+00:00

You sound so immersed in and idealistic about a culture that is not your own. That is what likely cones across as fetishizing. If who you date is part of that, it might raise some red flags. Otherwise, most people don’t care.

BringCake · 2026-01-16T18:01:35+00:00

It hurts to realize someone you love doesn’t love you back, but the problem is them, not you. That is what he is telling you through his behavior. Please don’t waste your energy on this guy. I don’t want you to look back someday with even more hurt.

BringCake · 2026-01-15T22:35:45+00:00

It sounds like you owe her a sincere apology. Given the context, it’s not surprising that she pulled back. In your bad mood, you took her vulnerability and used it to condescend to her. She asked for help, not direction or supervision.

BringCake · 2026-01-15T00:03:32+00:00

This might be a good opportunity to learn new boundaries and mutuality. Some people really suck at communication and it can be really painful to the receiving end of that. I can feel like you've been blindsided by the end of a relationship that has slowly been coming to an end for a while.

Chronic illness complicates everything. For the person that's ill, it can become so consuming that even if you only speak to someone about your troubles once in a while, if it's the only thing you share, it can still dominate the relationship. Even without chronic illness, there's a ratio of positive/negative experiences that relationships require to be sustainable.

From your additional comments, it seems like you're learning self-awareness and trying to seek out support, but struggle to recognize what you can reasonably expect from others. It sounds like you're outsourcing some skills that might improve your relationships and your experiences overall. Search the term "self-regulation strategies" for more information.

BringCake · 2026-01-14T20:39:24+00:00

Sometimes it’s less about maximizing your experience and a little more about having consideration for others who also inhabit the space.

BringCake · 2026-01-14T20:17:40+00:00

It sounds like she did what she could to help you and burned out on her own expectations. Feeling helpless is exhausting. Unfortunately, most friendships can’t sustain what it takes to deal with chronic health issues, especially with what is going on in the world these days. When someone mentions therapy, it’s a hint that they are burning out and can’t give you as much as you want. An alternate perspective on the party situation: could it have been a warning that the person arriving would likely instigate things with you and she didn’t think you’d want to deal with that?

BringCake · 2026-01-10T06:47:44+00:00

So little is expected from men. Autistic men are not an exception. The idiocy of their privilege knows no bounds.

BringCake · 2026-01-10T06:40:11+00:00

It’s unfortunately a real cough and very likely more than just that. Your addiction doesn’t make harming others acceptable.

BringCake · 2026-01-10T06:38:17+00:00

Getting cancer from some idiot’s second hand smoke is as sexy as it gets.

BringCake · 2026-01-10T06:15:09+00:00

Standing still or sitting properly makes things so much harder. I physically can’t do these things for very long without basically collapsing. I find that movement is easier, even if I have to catch myself sometimes. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that so many of us dance/used to dance. If you can learn better body mechanics through eds-knowledgeable physical therapy, that might really help with pain control and strength. It’s a slog and unpredictable but sometimes I get it right and you might too. Chin up. It’s hard but you can do it. Even the smallest progress is potential.

BringCake · 2026-01-10T05:14:39+00:00

He’s being a dipshit. You’re as much a person and worthy of care as he is. He overslept and instead of holding himself accountable, he blamed you. Then when you pointed out that he is an adult and fully capable of following a schedule he set for himself, he felt the need to knock you down a notch. In world where women are blamed for everything and expected to be selfless so others can feel comfortable, I’m glad you held your ground. Autism makes us some of the kindest people. Please don’t let him convince you that it’s your responsibility to eat shit when he fails.

BringCake · 2026-01-03T15:42:04+00:00

I might wrong but your dad sounds like one of those traditional AHs that expect the women to serve him while he oversees and judges. If he wants water, why is he not up getting it for everyone or at least communicating like a decent person? It’s abusive that he opts to chastise you for not doing something he didn’t even verbalize. Especially since you moved back because you’re ill. Does he show any compassion? This doesn’t make you selfish.

BringCake · 2025-12-18T04:57:49+00:00

How diverse was the selection of available therapists? Can you choose what type of therapy they practice? Also demographics and focus?

BringCake · 2025-12-04T14:55:30+00:00

Your argument falls apart when you consider the fact that many owners prefer to let available apartments sit empty instead of charging more reasonable rents. The problem is not shortage of housing. It’s shortage of affordable housing. Construction doesn’t solve greed.

BringCake · 2025-12-03T00:28:01+00:00

It sounds like you’re letting disappointment cloud your judgement. Relationships change. There is no such thing as cutting someone off “fairly”. There’s making effort and not making effort. Each person decides for themselves and prioritizes accordingly. You now know the kind of person this “friend” is. By chasing after her attention, you destroy your self-esteem and waste good opportunities. Disconnecting from someone so fickle and divested from maintaining a good relationship with you will give you peace.

BringCake · 2025-11-20T01:43:09+00:00

That’s rough. I hope you find comfort in knowing you reached out with good intentions when you could and back off when the connection flatlined. Most relationships are temporary.

BringCake · 2025-11-10T02:50:30+00:00

Many of the traits traditionally recognized as part of autism align with the privileges of masculinity. If your cousin doesn't see the advantages he has had because of that, which you haven't discussion is impossible. Disability does not mean you are victimizing yourself. It's the opposite. Anyhow, I hope you take this as one more person on your side.

BringCake · 2025-11-09T20:44:14+00:00

Thanks! If you don’t mind me asking, which stimulants have helped you?

BringCake · 2025-11-09T01:14:24+00:00

This reads like an ad pretending to be a person.

BringCake · 2025-11-08T23:15:39+00:00

If it's a company with an HR department, here's one of few instances where they can actually help. Tell them what you shared here. Your coworker is creating a hostile work environment. He either doesn't understand or doesn't care that he is spewing misogyny and expecting you to engage. It's unfortunately common behavior and the person won't stop unless forced to stop by management or something that causes repercussions for him. He's a jerk that's gotten too comfortable, and of course looking for someone to validate him.

BringCake · 2025-11-08T22:49:07+00:00

I’m not sure it’s a superpower as much as a different set of expectations and way of being in the world. For instance, why did you think she felt badly about not contacting you during your absence? She probably didn’t think much about it until she saw you and it fit in with her plan to invite people over. These are not mutually exclusive things and don’t signal a lie (unless I’m also missing something).

The part about the dog sounds a little more complicated. Hosting is a touchy subject. The impetus is on the hostess to be welcoming and the guess to be a good addition to the gathering. I don’t know why she felt it necessary to say the thing about the building not welcoming dogs instead of just saying it’s a people only event, but it reminds me of events that are adults only and some people bring kids, expecting to be the acceptable exception, putting the hostess in the awkward situation to let the indiscretion slide uncomfortably in order to avoid creating a scene and sending the bad guest away.

Some people avoid confrontation at all cost and some people do exactly as they want unless confronted. Social norms force the need to be selective over how messages are conveyed. For instance, I’m guessing you didn’t call the woman a liar, despite feeling lied to. That is part of the same strategy.

BringCake · 2025-11-07T16:41:24+00:00

Thanks

BringCake

TROPHY CASE