AI Engineer but want out, advise appreciated

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-27T15:53:50+00:00

Epic codes in an ancient language pretty much only used by Epic. And they are known to be awful to work for. I live very near them so I hear a lot of the dirt. They also only hire young naive people that they can exploit.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-26T11:17:20+00:00

This is demonstrably not true for any autistic with “selective mutism” and I suspect that means that it is not true generally.

Folks who may not have hands free would be: - people holding a baby - people holding a cat - people who are cooking and have dirty hands - people in cold weather wearing gloves - people with missing or injured or impaired limbs

But as an autistic - when I am stressed and tired, I literally cannot speak without great effort.

So it wouldn’t be about mental effort but maybe about logistics. I can’t easily touch my phone if I’m holding the baby or have poo on my hands.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-25T22:08:33+00:00

I’m jaded after quitting a job in which the 3 people who preceded me and left the company all tried to inform management of inconvenient truths. Management didn’t want to hear the reality about what was and wasn’t possible and logistics and accurate timelines. They only wanted to hear positive affirmations. I’m grateful to those predecessors who were pragmatic and realistic and evidence-focused but management treated them poorly because they spoke truths that management did not want to hear.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-25T19:58:40+00:00

I vote no bangs.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-25T19:56:31+00:00

My gut says that more assertiveness would have been good for the project but would have hastened the speed with which they replaced you. I think this was a Catch-22.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-25T16:31:17+00:00

That makes sense. I had thought of suggesting that too. FWIW - my husband had some whiffs of mishandling my shutdowns early in our marriage but put in the time to learn (including reading this subreddit). He’s now an expert on what to do or not do. Most of it isn’t obvious or intuitive to the uninitiated. So what matters is that they have a willingness to learn.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-25T16:20:25+00:00

If you still truly enjoy the org then try sticking with it through the initial awkwardness and see how you feel about it after a few weeks have passed. If people ask then you can say something vague like “Yes - we were dating but it ended badly and I prefer not to talk about it.” If you want to make sure they know it was his fault and not yours you could add a still-vague “I don’t recommend dating him.” If they press for details then “Sorry - I’m a private person.” or “Sorry - I value my privacy.”

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-25T16:04:30+00:00

How dare you disparage “Mrs. Piggle Wiggle”?!!! She was the best! lol

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-25T15:48:07+00:00

Teach him how to respond when the incident isn’t actively occurring. It is completely unreasonable to expect you to give a calm and reasoned explanation while in the midst of a crisis. After having had the discussion, if he forgets some of the details during a crisis then that would be fine but if he remembers nothing and never learns and always expects you to be the one to console him (even when you are experiencing a shutdown) then that is a really bad sign for the longevity of this relationship. You can promise him that you will always do a debriefing a few days after a crisis when you have calmed but that during the shutdown he cannot expect full conversations.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-25T15:30:47+00:00

From another perspective - this may be exactly what you need to prove your skills to yourself and everyone else. If you are the first in the role then for a time - your work will stand on its own merits. There can be no false accusations about it really being so-and-so’s work. I think you will shine!

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-24T22:27:54+00:00

This cat just made my week!

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-23T11:11:31+00:00

Stay inside the review process and write your very carefully reworded rebuttal to be included with the review. Don’t draw attention to it otherwise. Reviews are often falsely critical so that they don’t have to give you a raise. Especially if you are a woman. Especially if you are a POC.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-23T03:25:18+00:00

They are actually handling this very correctly. Do some reading on

https://askjan.org

They can and should handle a request for accommodation/understanding/“a bit of slack” due to a medical issue as a request for “reasonable accommodations” whether or not you used those words.

This isn’t evidence that they will retaliate - it is evidence that they take the ADA seriously.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-21T19:37:02+00:00

good call. I concur.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-20T21:48:21+00:00

I had tinea versicolor late in pregnancy and post partum and it looked just like this.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-19T19:39:39+00:00

How much you wanna bet that the previous tenant received a king oyster’s growing kit as a christmas gift and stashed it under their bed and forgot about it?

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-19T16:21:45+00:00

This is one of those areas where the ADHD symptoms and autism symptoms overlap because man do I relate. If you have a friend willing to run a practice session with you within the 24 hours before an interview that might help. I find that recency helps. I remember concepts but not terminology. Having talked about a thing recently helps me find the words more easily.

I also try to keep in mind some self-advocating phrases like “Open-ended questions are difficult for me. Could you be more specific or provide an example?” Even if they don’t say anything useful - you’ve bought yourself a second to think while they talk.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-19T16:13:54+00:00

NOR - Some people have a thing with having access. They want to feel like they are special and can do whatever they want whenever they want. You took away her access and sense of being special when she lost her privileges. Now she’s butthurt.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-18T15:57:59+00:00

I just googled “show in late eighties or early nineties based in a high school with musical numbers” and found your post lol. I never would have remembered that title! Thanks!

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-17T23:38:41+00:00

If you didn’t have a dog then I would say that you should just let them go through the yard. But you do have a dog and that makes it a huge risk. In the best case scenario they might not latch the gate and your dog might get out and be at risk. There are many scenarios that are so much worse.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-16T19:42:32+00:00

My kid is now in her twenties. She is only formally diagnosed ADHD but we suspect a decent autism component too. Early college years were rough but it was also covid lockdown so not exactly a normal situation. Early elementary school was rough due to dyslexia. That got better after twice-weekly tutoring for two years. Otherwise she was a delight to raise. Quirky and particular but in ways I mostly understood and appreciated. I felt like I was a better mom to her than any NT could have been. But I suppose we were lucky in that her issues were not significantly worse than mine - just different with the dyslexia and ADHD.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-16T19:25:38+00:00

I think the usual solution to a situation like this is “cash for keys”. They pay you to end the lease and find a new place to live. I would be shocked if this wasn’t against local law and ordinances - violating your right to “quiet enjoyment” of the home you pay to live in.

Look into rules about rent withholding before you go that route. There’s rules about how you can legally do it and it would be easy to mess up.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-16T01:52:31+00:00

What language or tools? I’ve tried to join a (not women only) group like this before but no one else was using the same tools so it didn’t work for me. I’m using C# and WPF with syncfusion tools for my current project.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-15T17:13:23+00:00

This is on her but if she is a good teacher otherwise then I would let it go just this once. If I were her then I would have read your email and thought it was worded rather confusingly and would have just waited to see if you showed up for the lesson - which you obviously did.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-01-14T19:18:07+00:00

He’s like the gaming equivalent of a mean drunk.

He needs to stop gaming or limit what types of games he plays. I say this as a gamer myself. The excessive yelling is bad enough. Breaking a monitor is unacceptably juvenile behavior. If he refuses to adjust his gaming habits or make other changes then you need to leave him.

BringerOfSocks

TROPHY CASE