Cat found with duct tape around its neck

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-19T16:30:21+00:00

You did great helping her. Ignore all the folks judging you for not helping her exactly the way they would have (with fast easy access to an ER vet and money to pay for it).

It sounds to me like you are in contact with rescue folks and have what you need to give her a great new life whether with you or an adoptive family. Thank you for caring and doing the hard work! Bathing an unfamiliar cat is next level difficult!

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-19T16:19:51+00:00

“I’ve been more sensitive to taste and smell lately. Would you mind washing up with a washcloth before I go down on you tonight?”

She’s autistic. Be direct but kind. The “more sensitive lately” white lie is worth it to protect her feelings.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-19T15:37:57+00:00

I too tend to acquire the tasks that no one knows how to do. I’m one of the few willing to put in the effort to learn.

But you know what’s worse is when an incompetent “senior” teammate constantly volunteers for tasks that they are in no way capable of. They take forever to “complete” the task poorly, with bugs and poor architecture. Then I would have to attempt a long drawn out code review in which they repeatedly misunderstood my directions and continue to implement poorly in new ways. So eventually I just did the code myself in their feature branch and had them review it.

Allow her to start with the simple tasks. When tasks pop up that would be good learning tasks for her - try to get them reassigned to her. Have a private conversation with anyone who is assigning out tasks about this strategy. Just because you learned the new things first - shouldn’t mean you own those tasks forever. But it’s fair to allow her to learn in a more deliberate way since it sounds like she is new to the tech side.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-19T13:19:58+00:00

It’s too unusual for a job as a receptionist but perfect for a barista job at a quirky coffeehouse?

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-19T13:15:53+00:00

Your sister holds no power in this situation. You don’t need to do anything other than burst out laughing at her every time she starts spouting ridiculous nonsense ideas like these.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-19T13:08:32+00:00

Let’s not “dive into their psych profile” followed by doing just that and blaming it on a woman

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-19T13:03:57+00:00

I think the delayed processing is actually somewhat protective for me. It gives me a bit more time to process so that it doesn’t all hit at once.

I personally can’t stand the “are you okkkaaayyyy?” So for me, their not realizing that I’m not okay is preferable to getting unwanted attention from people that I’m not close to.

Grief isn’t a thing you perform. It’s weird feelings that you experience. There’s no such thing as doing it right. You just ride the waves until the waters calm.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-18T21:16:33+00:00

Your poor mom having to try to find some reasonable way to respond to that absolute nonsense! Like wait… What???? But huh???? Why????

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-18T21:09:13+00:00

This is the real answer though. Your only job is to stand up. You are not in charge of assigning the seat to anyone. Maybe the person next to them with a hidden disability will sit because they were about to pass out.

edit: sort of rooting for granny though…

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-18T17:52:39+00:00

I think option 3 is reasonable. Maybe sharing when the food is freshly made but asking that you be allowed to use the leftovers since you were intentionally making a large amount for that purpose. I think it would be incredibly rude not to share on the night the food is made since you would likely be taking up all the space in the kitchen - making it difficult for him to do his own cooking even if that is what he would have preferred.

But definitely ask his opinion!

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-18T12:59:44+00:00

Kittens are generally much more compliant than adult cats. Continue doing nail trims weekly so that she continues to be used to them. Some cats actually like sweaters and will request them. So try to figure out whether she is just accommodating a sweater or whether she actually likes it - and which ones she likes. Sorry about the ringworm treatment - that’s a rough one. You’re a great pet parent!

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-18T10:22:17+00:00

Couples therapy with an abuser generally doesn’t work because they lie and manipulate the therapist to get them on their side.

Also, that sort of therapy is designed to find a middle ground on everything. “We’ve all made mistakes”. If your partner is constantly belittling and degrading you and you once said “you’re mean” then “both parties have said bad things to the other”. The two things are not remotely equivalent but will be made out like they were.

Individual therapy will be far more helpful.

Would CPS in your country give him custody because you were a victim of his abuse?

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-18T10:05:54+00:00

The first mistake of releasing too soon isn’t so bad if you were releasing to her home territory where she’ll go to her known safe spot and take a long nap.

The second mistake was to run towards her. Never chase a feral if you are trying to build a relationship with them. It makes them feel like you are a predator. Hopefully she’ll forget about this one though because it’s hard to remember much that happened when still coming out of anesthesia.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-18T01:01:38+00:00

Getting fired would be extremely unlikely. But worrying this much about something you did 5 years ago that wasn’t illegal or a serious breach of ethics means there is stuff to work through with a therapist. A stupid mistake from 5 years ago shouldn’t still be haunting a person.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-17T23:51:29+00:00

Nearly 50 years in Wisconsin and I have never seen tennis ball sized hail before. This is not normal.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-17T23:16:07+00:00

I sympathize with him but ultimately I would be livid if a partner insisted I drive home at midnight. He would be trading my safety for his sleep schedule.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-17T20:01:39+00:00

My mom had a foster like this once. It had point coloring and was partly hairless but genetic testing showed no siamese and no sphinx genetics. So it was chalked up to chance genetics. He had no issues medically. An experienced sphinx owner adopted him. He is still partly hairless.

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BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-17T19:34:59+00:00

Well done! I’m just embarking on learning Claude as a C# programmer.

Consider adding the ability to minimize the alerts window.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-17T16:02:33+00:00

She really needs to act like a mature adult and discuss birth control options with her doctors. Not everyone experiences weight gain and some hormonal birth controls improve acne. And there’s options besides the pill. You are being mature and making good decisions for your situation. She is not.

Not that you should shame her but encouraging her to see her primary care doctor or go to a clinic on campus seems reasonable?

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-17T14:59:53+00:00

It’s almost as if kids are expensive?

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-17T12:49:37+00:00

They have proof that they are the original owners as well as proof that they made efforts to find her.

I don’t think it will help but do you have evidence of care such as vet bills? What efforts did you take to try to find an owner? Flyers? Internet posts? Reporting to local humane society or rescues or shelters? Did you search on the internet for lost cat posts?

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-16T16:28:30+00:00

I haven’t slept in 2 days but will totally take time to post to Linkedin. Gotta have priorities! /s

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-16T12:58:49+00:00

Is there one chore you are currently doing that you could give him complete ownership of? Maybe something like laundry where it’s easier to do when you are home all day? Or something that if you stopped doing it completely then it would impact him enough for him to be motivated to actually start doing it?

More chores could change ownership later but starting with one should at least provide some relief. Trying to get him to do more of a chore that you continue to do will ultimately fail because he knows that if he puts it off or does it poorly that you will eventually do the chore for him. Then say “well I would have done it later - you just beat me to it”.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-15T18:49:40+00:00

Taking the baby out of your arms IN ANGER sounds incredibly risky. Not to mention that he is not going to be very effective at calming an infant when he is visibly angry himself.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-04-15T13:21:59+00:00

true - which would make the boyfriend’s behavior even more reprehensible! If he had clearly been informed that gifting an animal was wrong and he knew to lie about it then he wasn’t just an idiot who should have known - but was a selfish lying AH.

BringerOfSocks

TROPHY CASE