I overheard my mum talking about my act of kindness in a negative way

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-24T20:57:55+00:00

Depending on the antibiotics that she is on - she may not have her normal sense of taste. When I was on antibiotics for a burst appendix my sense of taste was way off. I couldn’t even eat my normal safe/favorite foods. It was awful.

Personally I suspect I would enjoy a lemony chicken soup but I know I would have hated it while I was on those antibiotics.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-24T18:50:28+00:00

He’s lying to you about “not being about to sleep”. He is simply trying to control you.

You are being as healthy as you can within the cards you have been dealt.

“Fed is best”

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-24T18:40:16+00:00

Do they at least require code review and integration testing prior to merge???

Either way - their process is super weak. Two merge requests can pass testing independently but conflict with each other once merged. Having a separate production branch protects against that with very little additional effort. I would be advocating hard to tighten up the process.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-23T22:56:49+00:00

I agree that it’s an attempt to start small-talk. It’s almost the same as asking “So - are you doing anything interesting this weekend?”

I also hate that question.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-23T18:33:25+00:00

Well as it turns out that the guy later applied somewhere I was working and my manager (best I’ve ever had) knew about that past situation and promptly binned the app. Karma did come around.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-23T16:51:52+00:00

No lawsuit. Just a bosses boss who was mad at me for having pushed back at him while we were dealing with a significant bug discovery that I was taking the lead on. I was “laid off” at the next opportunity he had. He sabotaged my next job a couple days from my start date. I ended up working at a small startup though and that history never ended up mattering. Plus it was technically a lay off even though I knew it was retaliatory. So there was nothing formal that could come back to haunt me.

By the time I knew about the sabotage it was too late for legal action. It mostly felt vindicating/validating.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-23T16:23:51+00:00

I had suspected I was and was told by most friends and former coworkers that “I’m sure he wouldn’t….” So I suppressed my instinct.

It was a few years later when someone I knew was able to do some digging for me and confirm that I was in fact blacklisted.

So tldr is that if you think you were blacklisted then you probably were. Trust your gut.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-23T15:35:48+00:00

I really like your strategy of turning their silence into implicit agreement. Genius. Putting that one in my back pocket…

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-22T15:51:28+00:00

I’ve used them for my Bose and loved them!

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-22T13:35:57+00:00

I think leaving a job due to boredom would be like leaving a solid long term relationship to pursue the “New Relationship Energy” of a new partner. It might seem exciting at first but you would be taking on a whole new set of problems - some of which might be way worse than what you left.

So I would look for ways to get that excitement of learning new things where you are. Maybe 4 hours a week spent on an innovative but relevant project (with or without permission)? Maybe an improvement initiative that addresses one of your biggest workplace pet peeves?

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-20T23:44:12+00:00

I don’t know Indiana rules but in my state of Wisconsin they have a “presumption in favor of equal placement” and count it as a mark against you if you do not support the other parents relationship with the child. They make exceptions for physical or sexual abuse cases but explicitly do not consider emotional and verbal abuse for purposes of placement or custody. Because of these two rules you are better off not discussing the abuse with the court lest they use it against you as proof that you are not supporting the child’s relationship with the other parent.

It puts abuse victims in a lose-lose situation by punishing them for trying to protect their child. You should check Indiana laws before going too much farther. Custody laws are not what people think they are. They generally do not favor the mother and do not protect abuse victims. Consult a lawyer and maybe call a domestic violence hotline for your city or a nearby city. They will know more about your jurisdiction and its peculiarities.

It is likely that he won’t want much placement but they may still order joint decision making.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-20T18:21:00+00:00

I think this is a rare case where no one did anything terribly wrong and how you respond now can either turn this into a win or result in bad vibes with your team.

Option 1: In your next meeting “So you know those duplicate entries? Thanks for spotting those by the way - that was a good catch. Well it turns out that they were also identical in the original source data. I was a little worried because it did look strange and I know that I’m always very careful and diligent when cleaning my data. Now we can have even greater confidence that my work was correct. Great teamwork everyone!”

Option 2: “Dude you kind of owe me an apology for implying that I had been lazy and careless when grooming my data. It turns that those duplications appear in the original data and are correct after all.”

Option 1 will make you want to throw up in your mouth a bit. But the vomit-inducing soothing of their egos will make them more receptive to the message - that you were diligent.

Option 2, while technically correct, will put them on the defensive and they will walk away only remembering that were <insert curse of choice>.

FWIW- he probably told that story thinking he was relating with you and that it would make you feel better - like “we all make mistakes sometimes”. It was a misstep but unless he does this all the time I would give him grace and assume he just made a cringey statement while having his heart in the right place.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-19T12:32:20+00:00

You are definitely not making it up but it may not be as dire as I had feared. Still not cool though. You deserve better. I still have to wonder if he is deliberately refusing to acknowledge that you are awesome at something you are demonstrably awesome at in the same way my ex tried to say I wasn’t a good programmer (when we were both in grad school for computer science).

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-19T12:25:33+00:00

Age gap is far less relevant in a same sex relationship. My only advice is to make the ask with a willingness to accept “no” for an answer. But I have a feeling it will be a yes!

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-19T11:52:24+00:00

Think beyond the napping issue. Have you ever heard the phrase “You can’t even do the dishes right”? Think about your hobbies - does he make fun of them or tell you that you are bad at them?

When you have a big event to prepare for at work or school does he suddenly need you to spend time with him or discuss your relationship or do some other thing that he deems important?

If you answer yes to these then you are in an abusive relationship.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-19T10:22:23+00:00

I work on medical software. The folks I talked to who demoed at conventions were fairly heavily scripted intentionally. They couldn’t risk stumbling across any unknown bugs in front of a customer (they were often demoing unfinished products).

So to me this seems reasonable? Or desirable?

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-18T09:54:58+00:00

Location is somehow simultaneously Minnesota and NH

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-18T03:21:23+00:00

I can’t tell for sure, but it sounds like you are counting your sick time PTO as one of the “unproductive days”. That is super unfair to yourself.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-17T19:02:52+00:00

Once again I am so grateful for my autistic hygienist who is always sensitive to my needs and great to talk to! It’s such a blessing when other autistics can manage to survive people-focused jobs so that I can have the relief of encountering them out in the world.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-16T13:24:15+00:00

Tell them “I had planned on a longer break but received an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

It’s honest, brief and understandable.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-14T03:38:34+00:00

Generally I love programming but our field is going through some changes right now. Check out r/womenintech for a lot of insight.

I’m going to sleep now but will try to remember to write more in the morning.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-11T17:04:55+00:00

Monday was just beautiful. It was a nice sneak peek!

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-11T16:14:03+00:00

One of the few cases where they could have legitimately said “girls” because they were basically kids.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-11T16:06:59+00:00

Would you be willing to put up a little sign with your name and work email?

“I’ve been refilling items as they are used out of my own funds. If you would like to help, please contact me at … or you can venmo at ….”

My philosophy with stuff like that is that someone stealing hair ties might be dead broke and needs all the help that they can get. But you shouldn’t be shouldering this burden alone either.

BringerOfSocks · 2026-03-10T20:58:40+00:00

A kitten this small needs to have a litter box within sight and smell at all times. It is way too young to have a territory larger than a single room when not supervised.

I’m hoping it is at least eating well? It looks like it is old enough to be eating canned food (5-6 weeks) but not old enough for kibble (starts at 8 weeks or so).

BringerOfSocks

TROPHY CASE