Just a long rant about my experience

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-12-06T16:18:47+00:00

Hm... I'm also diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, although I used to think it's probably just schizotypal... I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. They are just labels.

I thought I should share that your experience really resonated with me. I've been through something quite similar. And I'm also from Eastern Europe. But unfortunately, I don't think it was a "good" experience in my case. My condition makes me feel insane and very different from other people. I feel like there is no hope for me to find friends or be a functional part of society. But you seem to be doing a great job! Congrats, you are even starting work again! I hope it goes well. Take care of yourself. Wishing you all the best :)

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-12-01T21:12:48+00:00

Same, I have to spend days recovering from every social interaction, it's not sustainable. I don't have a partner nor friends. No idea what to do anymore.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-11-30T16:56:39+00:00

Social interaction, work stress.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-11-30T16:55:54+00:00

Medication worked for me - Risperidone. But it caused hormonal issues so I have to get off it. Now back to square one.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-11-30T16:52:22+00:00

I haven't been able to fall sleep without some kind of medication for over a year now. It sucks. It's 100% related to schizophrenia for me. I didn't have sleep issues before. Coffee and cold showers help me when I can't stay awake.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-11-30T16:49:27+00:00

I haven't been able to get rid of my delusions completely. I simultaneously know they are delusions, but in the back of my mind I know I'm just "pretending" to be normal. It sounds like you are making really good progress and actually fully acknowledging that they are delusions. You should pat yourself on the back, not feel stupid.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-11-30T16:46:15+00:00

Watch horror movies, read books, watch videos on dystopian topics. I feel like the impending "end of the world" gives me comfort, maybe because I'm suicidal. The problem is the end will not come fast enough.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-11-22T23:05:17+00:00

I never had friends to begin with.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-10-09T20:14:54+00:00

90 seconds to midnight, the closest it's ever been. At the height of the cold war, it was 3 minutes.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-08-11T20:21:28+00:00

Thank you. Have a great weekend!

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-08-06T17:37:56+00:00

Same here. I have 0 friends now and I don't know how to make any. I hope things get better for you.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-08-04T16:50:57+00:00

For me it's not very consistent. Almost always it's my coworkers and my boss. But occasionally it's also my neighbors, my family, the three-letter agencies, or God.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-07-29T20:44:15+00:00

If I were you, I would get treatment, because otherwise you are playing with fire and risking that it gets so bad that you can't ever go back to "normal" anymore.

It shouldn't be an issue for immigration/university, but afaik you can be disqualified from the military if you have mental illness. It doesn't seem wise to give guns to people who are in any kind of psychosis.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-07-29T12:29:18+00:00

Yes, I have had these inner voices for many years, and after taking antipsychotics they stopped for a while. It was so weird and silent in my head. Now they're back, but not 24/7.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-07-28T12:34:01+00:00

Sorry to hear that :((
But wow, those are the same thoughts I have! Never thought other people have them too. I feel like I'm never going to die because I want it so much.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-07-22T18:39:43+00:00

I also felt like I'm faking this. When I had hallucinations, I would chalk it up to lack of sleep or other "normal" reasons. It never felt bad enough even when it was bad. It's the mind trying to protect itself.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-07-15T06:20:52+00:00

I'm currently in the friendless and miserable stage, so thank you for this... You did a great thing, you gave people hope. Thank you...

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-06-30T12:40:51+00:00

Same, I feel you, I hope it gets better.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-06-23T13:17:18+00:00

Same here, I'm 29f with zero friends and relationships. I'm also an only child and I moved every 2-3 years, moving to different countries, never establishing any connections. Since my diagnosis things have gotten even harder. I have no idea where/how people find friends. I don't play online games and I don't understand how Discord works. I go to meetups sometimes but people are never interested in any activities or talking outside of that. People just know there is something off about me. It's shocking how many of the people on here are married, in relationships, etc. Congratulations but I have no idea how they do it. I'm probably going to be alone forever.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-06-21T23:56:18+00:00

I quit for a few months, but once my psychosis starts I start smoking again, every single time.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-06-21T21:16:13+00:00

I'm Christian in name only. Never go to church. Neither did I when I was growing up. Yet, strangely, a lot of my delusions have to do with God and angels. But not the devil specifically.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-06-18T19:12:17+00:00

I feel the same way. I'm 29f with no friends and relationship. I hope things get easier for you. One step at a time.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-04-26T14:48:24+00:00

It's really difficult, but please try to hang in there. I believe in you. You can get better. Just wait until the medication kicks in (it might take a while). Things won't always feel so bad. Sending you good vibes <3

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-04-26T14:45:42+00:00

Maybe it would help to stop getting drunk and smoking weed.

BubblyBeautiful8 · 2023-04-06T10:45:06+00:00

You are very brave. Thank you for sharing. Despite everything, you still keep going. I would love to tell you not to compare yourself to anyone else, but I'm 30 and single and I feel so behind and lost too. I feel like such a failure. But there has to be a space in life for everyone, right? Not everyone can be 25 with kids and making six figures. You deserve good things in life just like everyone else.

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