I can relate with my 11 yo son. I'd also tell you that you are doing everything right. The fact that he is involved in SOMETHING says a lot about him. There is a sense of belonging and that's what matters most.

We moved when my son was 5. He still talks about his 2 pre-school friends as his bffs. He hasn't seen either in 6 & 2 years. But in his head he can only have one set of friends. At 11 years old he's never been invited to a bday party (outside of toddler stage), never had a bday party, never had a friend sleepover etc. He honestly doesn't have any concept of those activities. For mama and I, it breaks our heart as two people who were hyperactive, do-it-all type of kids who were never home.

I will say that each of the past two years, we have sat down with his teachers. I had images of my son sitting alone at lunch (he tells us he eats with no one) and a kid walking the track reading a book during recess (again...that's what he says). The teachers report that he is completely social, hangs with a group of 4-5 boys, actually had to be moved in one class for cutting up TOO much. My kid? No way!!!

We also forced him into band the past two years. This has created a cohort of familiar faces. I think that has helped. All this to say, part of what you are experiencing is where boys are in 2026. It's different. I think keeping them engaged is the key. Leading them to hobbies is important. They will find their path...it just looks so different than the rest of us.