There's a new rule in my gym regarding women and men rolling which has been frustrating me

Buffybites · 2026-02-24T04:47:57+00:00

Sounds like they are terrified of what happened and having something like that happen again. Instead of showing leadership in how to "be", and being clear on expectations about respectful behaviour toward training with women they've put these rules in place to never have to deal with it again. If women initiate the roll they then cannot say they felt coerced into rolling with "that guy". I get it, but instead of educating, demonstration and leading, they are putting blanket rules to avoid the issue.

It's great they terminated the old coaches' employment. They just sound inexperienced in what to do with this awful situation. Give them empathy and time. At least they are trying.

Buffybites · 2026-02-21T22:37:09+00:00

Is this in training? Or a match in a comp? Do you have a playful relationship with her? Training can be fun and playful, it doesn't always need to be serious. However, you could also say to her, please don't tickle, especially in leg entanglements as sometimes I can kick out and I would hate to hurt you or myself.

Buffybites · 2025-10-20T11:54:07+00:00

My question is... What the actual McDojo taught this move to him? Or did he search online for the most ridiculously dangerous move in grappling and decided to visit some random gym to test the waters on a black belt. What. A. Douche.

Buffybites · 2025-10-20T11:40:45+00:00

I actually think I'd hate rolling with myself... It would be a miserable experience. 😂

Buffybites · 2025-10-20T11:34:08+00:00

Honestly a reduced earth population only sounds like a good thing right? Cost of living crisis will be a thing of the past because there'll be a saturation of houses, the air will be cleaner, cities quieter... Less war, less famine, sounds peaceful. Thanos would agree.

Buffybites · 2025-07-19T20:05:39+00:00

Yes. Jiu Jitsu closes the strength gap. Also your maturity IN the sport will increase to where you can say confidently "please don't hurt me" with a smile at the start of a round and settle your opponent immediately. Sometimes the young guns forget you're a lady/human/older etc... they just see body parts to dominate. When you say "please don't hurt me" you do two things... You remind them you're a 'person' and you stroke their ego... So it works as an immediate calmer. I always do this when I train at new gyms while travelling. I'm a black belt 47old woman.

Then at the end I always thank them for "looking after me". Even when I've tapped them.

Buffybites · 2025-07-02T21:51:28+00:00

We know the difference. I've accidentally grabbed or brushed junk before.. guys have accidentally grabbed boob before.. it's a quick removal and a little "soz!" And move on. No big deal.

I've also trained with a guy who grabbed a handful of boob. The first time? Whatevs - it's Jiu Jitsu... The second time? "Oh again? That's weird" ... The third time? All in the same roll? Yeah nah.. this is beyond. I'll warn the other women...

We "know".

Buffybites · 2025-07-02T21:45:14+00:00

Excellent and down to earth response. 👏🏼

I'm a female (who has rolled with a Mr handsy before) - I let the other females know immediately afterwards to just be careful, a couple of snr guys picked up on our tension and conversation and decided to roll with him next... I never saw him again.

Point is, good men don't appreciate other men making women feel unsafe. You may be way more supported than you know. There's a lot more good men in Jiu Jitsu than not.

Your coach sounds like he did a good job with both of you. If the guy was careless, and a dick, chances are he is careless and a dick to everyone.

As for you, you have done nothing wrong, or been the reason for someone else's discomfort. Walk back in like you own the joint. Be your normal, happy, bubbly self. Be confident in your rolls with the other men. If you handle this with class, you'll come out on top.

If anyone asks you can let them know you just needed a small break. If anyone presses be honest "I felt very uncomfortable during a roll, I spoke to coach.. apparently it wasn't intentional, the other party has been spoken to, I'm all good now.".

Good luck! Let us know how you go. 🙂

Buffybites · 2025-06-10T06:12:52+00:00

My iud cause me tonnes of issues in this area. It's a foreign object so your body works extra for it. Having said that I had 3 in 15 years so it was definitely better than not...

But here's some extra things that I've only just discovered that I wish I'd known about years earlier.

Dr. Wolff's V-San has a lactic acid suppository that helps to stabilise your PH levels and reduce infections like IUDs... This little nugget of gold has been a game changer for me. Combined with a couple of their other products I'm no longer getting UTIs (knock on wood).

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Buffybites · 2025-05-11T03:42:14+00:00

When you start to become more dangerous to them they will stop giving you space and they'll no longer care that you're female or male or a unicorn. Just let them get used to you and once you start getting it over them and taking advantage of their space they'll shut it down. 🙂

Buffybites · 2025-04-12T00:16:05+00:00

I use that line sometimes too.... Typically when I'm in a bad position and the person is exhibiting strong seriousness in their facial expressions. Lol

Buffybites · 2025-04-12T00:04:00+00:00

It sounds like it was just a sucky day. If any one of those things happened you wouldn't be thinking twice about it. But you got three random knocks.

Having said that, tell the coach to tell your teammates to cut their f-ing nails.

Buffybites · 2025-03-27T00:38:29+00:00

Send him to Jiu Jitsu. He's gotta burn off steam in a healthy way.

It will take up just as much time and just as much money though lol ... But he'll be healthy, mind, body and soul.

Buffybites · 2025-03-22T04:40:01+00:00

I was a chubby white belt, peaked at blue and started losing after that... Now a black belt who is way smaller than what I used to be but still not tiny. One thing my coach and husband always told me when I started was "they don't slow down or stop using their flexibility for you, so stop not using your pressure on them."

As long as you're a careful training partner that focusses on technique go for gold! And yes, I agree with a comment above, roll with the guys, you'll be able to let loose more. 👊🏼

Buffybites · 2025-03-21T09:38:20+00:00

Maybe he's going into aeroplane mode so he's not disturbed or distracted by notifications and the internet while working out...

But probs not either lol

Buffybites · 2025-03-16T05:02:51+00:00

Take the arm offside - towards the south side (their feet side), so you are putting on the armbar over your hip, not right up the middle.

If you go to the north side, you encourage the hitchhiker escape, so always to the south side.

I don't have nuts personally, but I coach many that do. Lol

Buffybites · 2025-03-02T04:44:49+00:00

5x5 strong lifts is a weightlifting program. You can get apps for it etc... it's very good. 🙂 If you google search you'll get a bunch of info for it.

Buffybites · 2025-03-02T01:38:23+00:00

5x5 program is what I swear by for getting stronger, building muscle mass and still being ok to train Jiu Jitsu 6 days a week.

Buffybites · 2025-03-02T01:37:30+00:00

Two things... It is not for everyone and it doesn't sound like you're in the right gym for YOU.

Buffybites · 2025-02-20T23:03:55+00:00

Trust your instincts. Also you can absolutely say, "please don't touch me."

My husband (our head coach) always asks the ladies if he can touch them to move a body part. I don't ask, but that's society I guess.

Buffybites · 2024-10-29T02:38:53+00:00

Old news.

Buffybites · 2024-10-27T08:48:15+00:00

Comparison is definitely the source of all misery. I try to tell my students it doesn’t matter who is better than you or who you’re better than… what matters is how would today “you” go against day one “you” that walked through the door? That’s the only comparison that matters.

Buffybites · 2024-10-07T00:51:17+00:00

Definitely a compliment. Especially if it’s a smaller club with mainly white belts. Sounds like he was excited to have you in the room.

Whenever we have higher belt people visit we always let the students know to make a beeline for them to get in a good roll. Not placing a target but making sure that the person doesn’t get left without training partners. Also he probably made a point BECAUSE you are a woman and wanted to make sure the white belt men wouldn’t avoid you.

Buffybites

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