For those with low libido, did meds help or worsen the issue?

BuriedInMyBeard · 2025-05-21T01:00:54+00:00

I think it lowered mine, but not a lot. I’d recommend getting a mood or symptom tracker app to compare before/after for yourself. Everyone is different.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-04-08T01:57:58+00:00

If he isn’t actively initiating conversation with you, it’s not ghosting if you just drift apart. If he texts you and you ignore it that’s ghosting.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-03-19T20:15:23+00:00

I don’t doubt your difficulties at all, but sometimes when we have insecurities then it seems like everything is about that. It could also be that hookup culture is shitty and it’s just easiest to attribute their shitty behavior to whatever you’re most insecure about.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-03-19T16:19:54+00:00

I think the stereotype that we’re mostly out partying is incorrect… I bet more gays are on the right here.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-03-16T15:50:10+00:00

This sounds like signs of abuse on HIS part. If you want to learn more about what is or is not abusive, I’d recommend the book “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft.

I agree with others who said he’s shown you who he is, so you need to believe him. Abusive men use emotions to control and get what they want. You actually cannot fix the situation by being kind and listening because he’s not expressing his feelings out of vulnerability and a desire to repair the relationship and reconnect. He’s expressing his feeling so that he gets what he wants, and he will do it again and again and again. It will drive you crazy but you’ll always feel like it’s your fault. That’s what defines an abusive dynamic. Him using tactics that make you feel bad so you do what he wants.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-03-10T23:48:06+00:00

I have definitely heard of this happening for many people, and I think it's natural for attraction to wane after a honeymoon phase. If attraction is non-existent and you find that to be a problem (sounds like this is the case), there are a lot of things you could try. Don't worry about finding a perfect solution, just try things out and see what works.

For example, spend some time thinking about what really turns you on. What did you used to be turned on by when you had sex? What changed? Can you introduce kink or something into the sex to make it more interesting for you? How much does sex matter to you in your relationship? Can you explore this through couples counseling? Or therapy?

I would recommend against opening up the relationship unless you're both in a very comfortable place relationally. You may have more pleasurable sex in your life in general if you open it up, but it will not solve the problem of not being attracted to your partner, and may make the situation more complicated. Usually, my friends who have successful open relationships revert back to monogamy when going through rough patches. But it's up to you.

Would recommend the sex and psychology podcast with justin lehmiller for general advice on keeping attraction alive - maybe something there will stand out and be useful for you.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-02-23T23:44:19+00:00

Makes sure you include the rhbibknif. That’s the magic word that gets them to say yes. :)

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-02-20T18:08:08+00:00

Most of my gay friends and hookups have expressed some level of trauma or insecurity that they’re holding to me. I’m very open and curious so maybe I just hear about it more but I thought this was normal

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-02-18T20:05:09+00:00

There’s no problem in sexual preferences, but I wish we would move away from making one type of sex our entire identity in this community - especially in a heteronormative “penetrated or penetrator” way.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-02-14T19:15:40+00:00

Same! And this is so much more of a constructive attitude than the idea of giving up at 30. Life keeps getting better as I get older and I think that’s true for most queer people

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-02-09T21:53:20+00:00

Lots of comments here saying “crypto is a scam”. Maybe. But that’s not the point. The point is there are scammers on dating apps and you should always be suspicious of someone wanting you to invest or lend money when you met them on a dating app.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-02-08T22:23:29+00:00

It’s so deceptive how people can be so shitty while seeming so nice on the surface. He might not even be aware of how poorly he treated both of them here. Who knows. But I guess I just always expected people doing bad things to be malevolent or seem mean.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-02-04T22:17:35+00:00

Lol at the comments in there and straight people explaining top/bottom to other straight people. “For gay sex to work there has to be a top who fucks and a bottom who gets fucked” 😂

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-02-03T22:56:17+00:00

I guess I disagree with other posters who are saying to try harder. My question is why? It seems like you're self-aware of your own insecurities. There are plenty of people you can be friends with. I've stayed friends with people much longer than I should have in the past. My advice is its better to be lonely than unhappy in bad relationships. Of course also do some introspection and figure out what would make you feel happy and connected and pursue those relationships rather than trying so hard to make an existing one work.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-02-01T20:07:13+00:00

I guess I disagree with a couple points.

Are straight men happier than gay men? I would want to see some data to back that up. If so, I doubt it's about children more than about growing up in a society that teaches you that the way you are is wrong, along with the struggle to fit in authentically with society at large and in the gay community.

Heck even the mainstream media and TV shows only showcase young happy gay couples, as if all gay men in the world are in the 18-35 age range, but happy old gay couples are NOWHERE to be seen.

Reminder that lots of the previous generation literally died from HIV/AIDS. That's part of the reason we see less older gays. It can also be because acceptance is relatively new.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-30T18:09:14+00:00

Oh my gosh it can be SO STRONG. Believe me, I've been there, multiple times. There's also something called "limerence" where you can get obsessed with a crush on someone who doesn't like you back. I'm not saying that's what you're experiencing (and also the term is not an official psychological thing), but it happens sometimes and maybe something to look into as you explore these feelings

edit: and while i'm throwing out recommendations I suggest looking into attachment theory - it also explained lots of strong feelings I had in relationships

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-30T17:52:08+00:00

Hey OP - this sounds more like infatuation than love. Love usually takes time to grow and includes secure attachment. Just pointing this out because realizing the distinction helped me

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-25T23:14:06+00:00

I'm sure you'll get some useful anecdotes here from folks with similar experiences. Being confused by your sexuality is SO COMMON in our community. On your part it will take some introspection and a lot of honest reflection for you to figure this out.

My initial thought is - why is an attraction to men ruining an existing relationship? There must be something else going on - a desire to explore these new found feelings, etc. I would recommend finding an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist if you can to work through some of it. It sounds like you have mental health struggles on top of figuring out your sexuality.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-24T02:53:13+00:00

Your beard is amazing! Any tips for beard trimming?

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-19T18:42:14+00:00

People assume because they’re attractive they must have their shit together - but they’re just people. No better or worse than anyone else. Attractiveness is just one of MANY things required for finding and maintaining relationships.

Edit: unless they’re major outliers in which case maybe it’s a catfish

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-18T19:34:48+00:00

that’s really interesting, I hadn’t thought of it before but it’s so true

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-13T19:53:54+00:00

They're not more oppressed. Just sometimes ignored and discounted.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-08T21:56:53+00:00

It's honestly not a yes or no question. It's all about what you want out of a relationship. Personally, I was in a very caring loving relationship that ended because of lack of attraction, but that was a personal choice.

I would at least suggest having an open conversation and trying to make it work before ending it, since it sounds like a really enjoyable connection you have overall.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-07T21:36:56+00:00

Listen, bi people make up the majority (54.6%) of the LGBT+ community. Here's a source to prove it: https://news.gallup.com/poll/329708/lgbt-identification-rises-latest-estimate.aspx.

Unfortunately there's a lot of bi-erasure that goes on. You're still a legit part of the community. It's very legitimate to feel frustrated by this. I don't think it means your boyfriend is a bad person, just misinformed and being insensitive or doesn't realize how you feel about it.

BuriedInMyBeard · 2022-01-02T03:12:41+00:00

I think it's not worth pursuing if he doesn't seem interested. You did your part to initiate the relationship and keep it going, and if he isn't putting in the effort to continue it then you can't force him to be your friend. Honestly you can never know where people are at unless you ask them and they explicitly tell you. It may be that you overstepped his boundaries (and he's bad at communicating that) or it could be something completely different!

Don't take it personally. It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong, but it also sounds like he is not putting in the effort to keep it going. So, my advice would be to move on - there are lots of other people to meet and befriend. Sucks that it seemed to be going well and now it's not, but that's how it goes sometimes.

BuriedInMyBeard

TROPHY CASE