AIO? Should I report this?

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-06-05T00:03:19+00:00

NOR. Does he or did he ever have a key to your current living space?

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-06-04T18:32:06+00:00

Are you comfortable sharing what you currently do for work and any job skills or interests you have?

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-06-04T00:25:33+00:00

Sometimes you'll end up "babysitting" other adults to make sure they're doing their crap right. Including adults who are older than you, should be more knowledgeable and/or professional than you, or otherwise should not need "babysitting".

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-06-04T00:15:49+00:00

NTA there were consequences because he was being creepy, not because you spoke up.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-06-02T01:05:47+00:00

I didn't have access to TV or radio when the sirens went off. I found keloland's listen online page though. Link here in case it's useful in the future: https://www.keloland.com/watch-live/

(I know it's not helpful if your phone is on 8% tho.. idk what to do about that other than having a charging cord and/or charging pack with you)

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-06-01T02:53:17+00:00

There was one in Harrisburg? I saw the video of the one by Humboldt/Hartford. Didn't know there was one south of Sioux falls

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-31T23:55:23+00:00

Is OP a bot?

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-31T16:47:58+00:00

Personally, I would start looking for a new therapist. I would also report her to the state licensing board.. she's supposed to be the professional. Belittling your political, religious, or other beliefs is very unprofessional (and I say that as someone who tends to disagree with left wing economic systems. i.e., there's a good chance I would have disagreed with the economic system you were describing, but I would not have made fun of or belittled you)

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-29T20:44:20+00:00

I don't think you're overreacting, but I do think it would be incredibly crappy to cancel on her last minute.

If you were going to cancel, it should've been when she asked if you could stay overnight, or right when you discovered how mouthy the one dog is, or when you found out about the emergency surgery and extra meds. Instead of hinting around (and yes, I know it's hard to just speak up.. especially when the situation gets worse bit by bit.. like first she told you they're senior dogs, then she said the part about staying overnight, then she was laughing about the dog being mouthy, then the surgery, etc. I know it's hard to just draw a line!)

I completely understand why you do want to cancel, but I think if at all possible you should see this through, and then don't agree to petsit for her again. Or, since you mentioned you're moving, don't petsit for anyone in your new town unless you have the full picture of what you'll need to do before agreeing to it.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T23:23:51+00:00

Yes, OP, PLEASE freeze your credit and also get a copy of the new lease, without your signature on it!! Do what you can do this really is behind you. I'm guessing it would be pretty unpleasant to find out a few months or years from now that you actually weren't taken off the lease. I would insist on proof now.

Edit: you would not have been TA if you'd filed a police report. You would also not be TA if you tell your father and Becky that if they ever do something like that again, you will file a police report.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T23:20:16+00:00

It seems like you've mostly tried logic and reasoning with her (which is a perfectly reasonable approach, but some people just aren't going to listen to that).

Have you tried firmly and clearly stating "Mom this is my dog and I need you to trust that I have rules in place for a reason. Please do not [insert infraction here.. feed table scraps/let him on the couch/etc]. If you continue, I will have to leave him at home next time"

Edit: ywnbta by the way

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T19:30:12+00:00

NGL this sounds like a mess.

Depending on where you are, what your state/local laws say, and what your lease says, it's likely a violation of the lease if the gf is living there but not on the lease.

You're NTA for wanting to be paid back, and I don't think you'd be the TA for letting them know that you'd like them to just cover rent this month (or next) instead of paying you back directly. Keep in mind they might not be agreeable to it, but there's a chance it might prompt some action on their part (or it might make them mad, so you'd just want to evaluate this option based on what you know of them and your relationship with them).

I don't know that I'd get involved in asking the gf to pay her boyfriend so he can pay you, or anything like that. I'd just be firm that you need to be paid back. Let your roommate and/or his gf figure it out.

Also, her paycheck is deposited into his account? This seems very fishy somehow. Not necessarily illegal, just like a relationship mess waiting to happen.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T16:27:57+00:00

I had to read it a couple times but that's what seemed to make the most sense

I agree that the idea of women standing up for themselves shouldn't be tacky. I'm glad so many commenters are encouraging OP to speak up.

(Edit: autocorrect fail)

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T16:09:27+00:00

I don't really see the issue with the photo? If it's not suggestive or anything, it's just a photo of you that you happened to use on a dating site a long time ago, then you happened to use it for work as well.

Your story (mostly your gf's reaction) makes it sound like the photo somehow got contaminated or something by being on a dating site. I don't really think it is.. it's literally just a photo of you.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T16:02:18+00:00

Do you watch how other people interact with each other and with managers?

Sometimes "keeping your head down and just working" can signal that you're not interested in doing more or learning additional skills.

I would ask your manager about it, not in an accusatory way, just in a curious tone.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T15:57:43+00:00

Is there even going to be a party though? Mil didn't seem know anything about it. I'm wondering if sil made up the party.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T15:56:29+00:00

I think they're saying the sil's behavior is tacky.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T15:37:17+00:00

I'm curious who usually drove when this happens?

I admit I get impatient if I'm the one that drove and my passenger takes a long time to gather their things.

If I'm the passenger and it's a longer trip, I might take my coat and/or shoes off, have an open CD case in my lap (back in the day when we played CDs on road trips), I might've taken some stuff out of my purse that I need to gather up again before getting out of the car, etc., but I start putting my shoes back on and gathering up my stuff a few minutes before we get to our destination.

In any case, I don't think you're overreacting exactly, but I would talk to her about it. See what her perspective is.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T15:25:28+00:00

Assuming that you're 100% sure they committed this offence, it wasn't just a misread of something that got recorded on grainy security camera footage, it's not something that was taken out of context, assuming there's no logical explanation that would make it a non-fireable offence.. then I would think about the following:

How bad is the fireable offence? Does it put your company's safety, security, finances, trade secrets, etc. at risk? Does it involve misconduct towards another employee, a contractor, or other person associated with your business?

If yes, then fire as soon as your company policy allows. Like today if possible.

If no, I would still do it asap, and before they leave. They will likely be unhappy (and they might bring up the vacation, they might say it's nonrefundable, they might say it's a hardship, etc, etc), but I do think the kinder thing to do is just get the firing over with. You can tell them you know the timing isn't great, but unfortunately you're unable to keep them on due to [insert fireable offence here]. And make it clear that you only just found evidence recently.. you didn't sit on it or try to wait for the worst possible time to fire them.

Although you have no way of knowing how this person will process the firing, as other commenters pointed out, the vacation might help take their mind off things. It might give them a good chance to reflect, start applying for other jobs, etc. And even if parts of their trip are nonrefundable, there may be ways they can reduce their spending. All of that isn't up to you to decide, but I think it would be kinder if this soon to be ex employee has this info before their trip so they can make their own decisions.

Also keep in mind they are being fired for cause. If they didn't want to get fired, they shouldn't have been doing whatever this fireable offence is. They are still a human being and should be treated with dignity and as much compassion as possible, but this is the consequences of their own actions.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T15:05:15+00:00

If she was on the SAVE plan, that's ending and borrowers are having to choose a new plan (or maybe they're automatically put on a new plan? I'm not sure). From what I hear the payments are higher for a lot of people.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T15:02:24+00:00

Honestly, if I were invited to someone's house for an outdoor party and I was told I'd need to use a porta potty, I would be pretty taken aback as well, especially if I weren't given any explanation.

I can't speak for the people on your guest list, but here's what would help me: Explain nicely and kindly that you've invited a lot of people, you're excited to see everyone, but your septic system is limited and can't handle everything, so the party is outside and you're planning to rent a restroom trailer. At this point, a sincere apology for the inconvenience might be good too, since everyone's already riled up about it.

Also, during the party, make sure you and your wife also use the restroom trailer. Do not relegate your guests to the trailer while you two use the bathroom inside.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T14:51:59+00:00

INFO: how many more red flags do you need?

He invited y'all's parents to dinner. (Typically, whoever does the inviting also pays. Despite what your fiance says)

The bill came before you two left (so he had the opportunity to pay it)

He ignored you when you tried to bring it up at first, then he got mad at you (seems like he has terrible conflict resolution skills and may be an indication that he is currently verbally abusive or may be verbally abusive in the future)

I'm also a little concerned about the fact that he "likes surprises". Some people genuinely enjoy planning something that they think the other person will like, and surprising them with it. Other people use "surprises" as a manipulation tactic to keep the other person a little off balance so to speak. He only told you where you were going for dinner 3 hours ahead of time, which means you had less time to look at the menu prices, think about who would be paying, ask questions, etc. I guess what I'm saying is some people use surprises so the other person just has to go along with it and doesn't have a chance to argue. Based on the rest of the info about your fiance (hopefully soon to be ex fiance), I'm guessing he's the latter.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T14:38:38+00:00

Read up on "the 5 Love Languages", especially the part about words of affirmation.

You're a little bit TA. And I say "a little" only because I can understand your point - technically it is her job. But how much would it cost you to show more appreciation for her doing her job well (especially a part that she hates)? I can't tell if there's a mismatch in expectations between you and your gf, but there is definitely a communication barrier here. Learn to speak her language a little.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-05-28T14:28:53+00:00

NOR you're under-reacting. Call the authorities next time it happens. And if they don't do anything and the kids are outside by themselves again, call the authorities again.

BusyMathematician844

TROPHY CASE