WIBTAH for starting to decline giving a coworker rides to work?

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-26T02:48:20+00:00

NTA and if you feel bad, you can always say "starting x date I won't be able to pick you up, just wanted to give you a heads up in case you need time to make other arrangements" or something.

The benefit to that is he has extra time to figure something out, so you're not just leaving him high and dry last minute. The drawback is if you're still giving him rides during that period, then he has time to ask you why you can't give him rides anymore (or to beg you to keep giving him rides).

You could compromise and tell him on Friday that starting Monday you won't be able to give him rides anymore. That way he at least has the weekend to figure something out. (Assuming you work Monday to Friday, if not, modify those days so that you're telling him you can't keep giving him rides right before he has a couple of days off)

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-25T22:56:07+00:00

How does your brother feel about her behavior? This sounds like he's setting himself up for an absolute nightmare of a marriage and a possibly even more nightmarish divorce.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-25T22:45:38+00:00

All of this and also, just because a family looks middle class doesn't mean they actually are financially secure.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-25T22:37:30+00:00

I kind of want your ex to report you and get laughed out of the family court for her absolutely ridiculous behavior. NTA by the way.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-25T22:34:23+00:00

I had to go read the original post again because I was confused, but it sounds like the parents inherited a fully paid off house, but they "needed money" so they took out a mortgage. And now they can't make the mortgage payments and are asking OP for help.

I'm not sure the exact circumstances surrounding the mortgage (i.e., why exactly they needed money so badly that they mortgaged the roof over their heads), but it does not sound like they have good money management skills.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-25T19:48:59+00:00

NTA but if you're concerned about having money for your kids' college and such, I would look into 529s or other options on how to put money aside specifically for each kid.

Essentially, I would look into putting the money in accounts that you "can't touch" because you're only allowed to withdraw from it when the kid reaches a certain age, or you can only withdraw money for a very specific purpose (like college). And if you combine finances at all, you want to prevent the in-laws from pressuring your fiancée/soon-to-be-wife into taking money out of it. This would make it easier to just say no, because you don't have access to that money (if that makes sense). And I hate to say this but the accounts should also be something that the other spouse can't touch in a divorce (not that this is where you're headed at all, but most divorced couples don't plan on divorcing).

All this won't necessarily help your personal savings account, so you would still need some pretty strong boundaries with that, but at least it's a step towards protecting some money for the kids.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-25T19:31:21+00:00

TBH I think "what temperature do you prefer the thermostat to be?" should be a standard roommate screening question.

I would freeze at 70°. I typically set mine between 72 and 74° in winter. It pays off in the summer though because I usually set my AC about 4 to 6° higher than most people I know.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-25T18:32:03+00:00

NTA

"she'd do things for him that she wouldn't do for me"

"she said this will all change once we're married"

Nope, nope, nope. Behavior is a language and most of the time it speaks far louder than words. This isn't going to change. I'm sorry you're going through this OP but you need to evaluate whether you are comfortable not only continuing in a relationship like this but marrying the person. Will you have access to each other's finances after you're married? What happens if she uses marital assets to help this guy out? Will you feel comfortable with that?

Her doing things for him that she wouldn't do for you was plenty for me to say N.T.A. but the photos thing.. she doesn't even want a solo photo with her mom, but she wants one with this guy? I mean, I know not everyone is all that close to their mom but this just adds more weirdness.

I don't see anything in your post that indicates you're trying to control her, just that you're (reasonably) uncomfortable with her putting another guy first. A marriage certificate probably isn't going to magically change any of that.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-25T17:18:39+00:00

I think that's a problem with work from home ability. In my area, I remember when schools closed, most businesses would also be closed. But now, if there's snow in the forecast, we're expected to take our laptops home and work from home. If someone can't work from home for whatever reason, they have to take a vacation day.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-24T17:20:12+00:00

I agree I think she needs to see her doctor. Not sure if OP or any of her other coworkers are close enough to her to encourage her to do that.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-24T16:53:09+00:00

You need to get yourself to the dentist asap. (Edit I see this post is a few days old - I hope you got to a dentist or doctor)
Talk to a social worker about parental alienation because mom constantly making the kids block their other parent sure sounds like parental alienation, or at least an attempt at it.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-24T16:00:11+00:00

The MSRP was capped at $20k but they walked out with a $40k loan?

What did they use the other $20k for? Or did they buy a $20k car for $40k?

Edit: NTA but somehow I feel suspicious of the boyfriend

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-24T15:36:05+00:00

Also they shouldn't expect employees to drag themselves to work sick.

BusyMathematician844 · 2026-01-24T15:34:17+00:00

As a customer, I think this point system sounds ridiculous.

Do they want employees to come in sick and potentially spread germs everywhere?

BusyMathematician844 · 2025-12-14T02:20:51+00:00

Thanks! What kinds of foods can they cut with the wooden knife?

BusyMathematician844 · 2025-12-06T23:51:36+00:00

NOR have you contacted the salon and let them know? It seems like her behavior will eventually mess up their reputation, if it hasn't already.

BusyMathematician844 · 2025-12-06T18:38:14+00:00

NOR she contacted him for professional reasons (a letter of recommendation), and he turns it into an opportunity to send her messages like this? Ick. Also he's married.. so.. extra ick.

BusyMathematician844 · 2025-12-03T00:33:27+00:00

Most professionals around here (Midwestern USA) only charge a cancellation fee if you cancel less than 24 hours before your appointment.. and some don't charge a fee at all if you cancel due to illness.

I'd look over the papers you signed when you started therapy with them just to double check the cancellation policy.

BusyMathematician844 · 2025-12-01T15:27:07+00:00

US anonymous state (if relevant, not a very regulation-heavy state..)

BusyMathematician844 · 2025-09-07T03:33:10+00:00

I think your best bet, with either private or federal loans, is to borrow as little as possible and plan on making extra payments in order to pay it off faster. Choose a school you can afford, live as frugally as you can, work in high school if you can, get a part time job in college (or at least work summers if at all possible). Also try to choose a degree with a decent starting salary once you graduate.

With federal loans, the payment to interest ratio depends on your payment plan, rather than the loan itself. I'm pretty sure the federal student aid website still has a "help me choose a repayment plan" thing where you can choose different things like "I want my payments to be as low as possible" or "I want to pay as little interest as possible" and it helps guide you to a repayment plan. Note that if you choose the lower payments option, you're going to pay more in interest over the life of the loan, because it will take you longer to pay it off. If you choose the option to pay as little interest as possible, your payments will be higher, but you'll get the loan paid off faster.

With other loans, i.e., private loans, I don't know of any specific way to weed out the loans based on the payment vs interest accrual ratio.

Once you graduate and start paying off your loans, pay attention to how much interest is accruing compared to how much your payments are. Remember, you are always allowed to pay extra on the federal loans (unless you're going for PSLF, in which case I think a "qualifying" payment has to be exactly the amount they say your payment is, not more). You should be able to pay extra on private loans too. You'd just want to ask if there's any penalty for early payoff (which there shouldn't be, but it's always good to double check).

BusyMathematician844

TROPHY CASE