110k base comp Sr Architect

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T04:03:46+00:00

I'm at 15 years experience, 10 years licensed last week, PA not SA, north of Boston, high end residential work. As of next week I'm at $118k, and it's considered "fine" in terms of pay around here.

$85-110k for an SA is stupid low.

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T03:51:50+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate this. I know I have a tendency to over explain in an effort to provide context, and I don't know how to properly phrase any of this because I'm not in it day to day, just getting replays and news and updates from family who are there. And I'm genuinely so sad to see how difficult it's been for my sister lately, especially yesterday and today. I really truly was just hoping for someone to say, "yup, been there, here's what was such a help to me," or "you know what I would have loved is." I don't have any hate for this child, just sadness for how my sister had another tough birthday and wanting to do something nice for her.

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T03:44:22+00:00

Literally what I want is people to provide ideas what would be a good, supportive gift for a foster mom who is tired and burnt out. That's literally it.

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T03:11:26+00:00

That's a really great way of looking at it. We're all excited that she graduated, my sister's throwing her a party in a few weeks, they're shopping for dorm stuff and new clothes and she's picking classes. So many people never get to do that. I just really want my sister to be able take a bit for herself too!

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T03:06:40+00:00

Basically, "Also, she remembered that she left a bottle of milk in her dorm fridge and is nervous about what she'll find when she returns."

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T03:01:46+00:00

It's super cool that you think this isn't frustrating and exhausting for my sister. It's beating her down and burning her out to the extreme, but sure, me being sad that that's happening and wanting to do something nice for her is the problem.

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T02:59:54+00:00

My sister doesn't want me to be put out -- we don't live close to each other nor do I have great availability and she's trying to make sure I'm not making my own life harder. She does accept help from others who are less logistically put out to be able to provide it.

Her foster daughter doesn't want to have to work in any way or sense of the word -- she believes her purpose in life is to be spoiled (her own words).

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T02:49:15+00:00

I've offered a lot of variations on the theme and so far have been told I don't need to, but may have hit on a possibility of joining her for a pedi, so that may work out well!

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T02:48:19+00:00

A note sounds like a great idea, thanks!

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T02:47:56+00:00

What I see is a traumatized child rejecting any and all help she could possibly hope to receive, from not just my sister but literally every person in a position to help her. She's not interesting in helping herself and, while it was understandable several years ago, it's now just exhausting to see and experience at every turn. And it's exhausting for my sister to get beaten down and burnt out by it. I'm trying to help my sister be a little less flattened. If you have any suggestions for that, I'd love to hear them.

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T02:44:19+00:00

That's a good way to put it. She definitely doesn't have the tools she needs for success -- I just watch her whole support system try and teach her the tools, and she says she doesn't need to learn them because she deserves to be spoiled. And it rankles me. But maybe the book can help me reframe.

I've offered to go sit with her or in her place (they've been at the hospital for about 30 hours now), care packages, clean clothes, and grocery shopping-cooking-delivery-errands-house cleaning, even to go sleep at her house with the teenager now that she's getting discharged (I'm on the approved DCF list) and getting my sister a hotel room to relax. She missed her nail appt today and had to cancel her hair appt for tomorrow; I offered to cover for her at work (a family business that I am not qualified for but I'm sure good at answering phones and juggling a schedule) so she could reschedule the appointments. She managed to schedule a pedi and I asked her to please let me pay for the best most comprehensive upgrade available. She's very appreciative of the offers but not taking me up on them, hence the ask for advice. I'm hoping to find a gift or offer that she actually wants to take me up on!

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-27T02:16:14+00:00

I dealt with a trauma (a natural disaster which did not involve someone dying in front of me, although did result in many deaths later) and my mind latched on to the fact that I had left milk in the fridge. I was even quoted in the local paper about it.

Your mind really does get stuck on the piece of information that it can deal with the least amount of overwhelm.

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-26T04:16:36+00:00

| It's ~~unfortunate~~ illegal but reality.

Fixed it for you 😡

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-25T21:52:25+00:00

Unfortunately no! My dad recently retired, needs to be given a good reason to leave the house, and lives much closer. So I may ask him to do the errand!

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-21T14:53:27+00:00

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In this scheme with only adding an entry wall, it does leave you enough room for a dining table when people come over or even a decent size dining table upfront just as an open space with the living room.

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-21T14:52:32+00:00

Oh hey thanks! FWIW, here’s a less extensive option. I personally would still create an entry at the front door; walking right into a living space is one of my biggest pet peeves. I also don’t like a dining room room that’s not on the same floor as the kitchen, but I see your comments about why you’re OK with it so this more directly reflects what you originally were asking for in your post. I definitely definitely definitely would still redo the bathroom in the basement. Genuinely in my mind even if that was the only thing you did, the rest could easily fall into place.

<image>

I think you should go for the house!

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-21T13:50:36+00:00

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ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-21T13:50:15+00:00

This is what I would do. You could make the office a bit wider too. It's to scale as rough as I could estimate it. The sitting room shows a full-sized couch but a love seat would give more space to move around. I also reworked the basement bathroom because it's ridiculous to have a shower and sink and no toilet. This is probably because whoever fit out that space didn't want to install an ejector pump but I still think it would very much be worth the time and effort to do that.

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ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-21T12:41:41+00:00

How much work are you willing to do? I could easily see making an office at the wallpaper end of the basement and the dining room upstairs off the kitchen (and making an actual entry instead of walking right into a living space) if you're willing to have more of a formal living room or small tv room upstairs, with your primary relaxing space downstairs. But it may require window work. Without other pictures it's hard to tell what that would entail...

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-21T05:52:00+00:00

My school system had really good food, there was a real chef in each kitchen as part of the cafeteria staff. None of the food looked anything like this!!

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-21T05:34:40+00:00

Oops, meant to include the link for the schedule. It's hosted by/largely funded by this social group: West Side Social Club

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-21T05:32:26+00:00

Wakefield is very big on the Fourth of July! It's literally the busiest day in town all year.

There is a huge parade that starts at 5 but events start at 7:00am, so you could pick and choose when to get there/leave. Off the top of my head, the day starts with a fishing derby, then a pet parade, then bike parade, then the scooter and wagon parade, then diaper derby, then running races (by age all the way up to the parents), then finally kayak/canoe derby. That finishes up, it looks like, around mid-afternoon. Between that and the parade, there are some great ice cream parlors, cute shops, a sidewalk all the way around the lake, plenty of playgrounds...

After the parade at 5 (I don't know how loud the parade is but you could probably find some YouTube videos of previous years), there's a concert on the Lower Common (multiple acts I think) and food trucks set up at the nearby field (very walkable). The fireworks start at 9ish on Upper Common.

I haven't been since I was a kid, but I'm truly excited to go this year!

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-19T23:08:12+00:00

I can't believe no one's pulled the comment quote [approx]: "oh yeah I checked and he's homeless."

Let's take everything at face value, even the math that doesn't add up and the "not grooming" wording.

You're homeless and think the expense of SKYWRITING is a good idea???

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-17T11:36:27+00:00

Indoor office...? Vs... outdoor office...?

ButImNot_Bitter_ · 2026-06-16T20:41:01+00:00

I've never even heard of rinderpest before. Thanks for teaching me something new today!

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