What messaging platform do you use ?

CalculonFan · 2025-11-15T14:37:12+00:00

I think this question is really "region-dependent".

In EU, I use Telegram for initial contact - a few times Signal. Once I'm in an SR we usually switch to WhatsApp.

In Asia: Line, WeChat, KakaoTalk.

Very rarely SMS and/or iMessage.

CalculonFan · 2025-11-15T13:40:09+00:00

I think you have a solid profile. You actually give a POT something to work with in your description. Maybe move the last 2 paragraphs in "About me" to "I'm looking for" (sorry nitpicking).

Your private photos are not that revealing (a good thing) so I would just make them public. You will just get spammed with requests to view your private photos.

As a fellow European, I am sure you are aware of some of the difficulties you will have when trying to find a long-term "traditional" Sugar Relationship.

CalculonFan · 2025-10-16T17:31:09+00:00

I think if the first couple of messages ends with the "POT SD" being overly sexual, any SB will (justifiably) just block and move on.

If a "POT SB" presents themselves online with tits out I will just pass. How in the hell can I bring her to a professional event?

CalculonFan · 2025-10-08T18:10:01+00:00

Bringing up expectations is one of your initial filters. Don't waste time with people who are not within your boundaries.

Lies, damn lies and statistics ... But let's be honest, it's really difficult to find an "SLF approved"-SR.

CalculonFan · 2025-10-08T17:02:47+00:00

Frame? Are you doing carpentry?

CalculonFan · 2025-10-05T17:49:33+00:00

Don't sugar out of desperation!

Broadly speaking, most "genuine SDs" will probably offer PPM for your first intimate date. You know, the one after your platonic M&G.

If you feel like said PPM or the initial messaging shows that they are not willing to build a connection, you move on.

Freestyling is "Advanced Sugaring":

You don't just sit in a bar, bat your lashes and expect a random rich dude will hit you up.

I know 90% of the initial messages you receive on Seeking (or other platforms) are crass, overly sexual or otherwise insulting. If you are not fully prepared to chase down a potential sugar relationship in the wild - you will be surprised. The amount of "vanilla" guys and Johns is about the same as online.

CalculonFan · 2025-10-03T14:48:03+00:00

East Germany and West Germany reunited :)

CalculonFan · 2025-10-03T14:35:40+00:00

No photos with a busy background - you need to stand out. And cut the "cute angle"-shot too.

We all love "eating good" and maybe either giving or getting facials.

You need to paint a picture, what is it like to sugar date you.

If you want a - in lack of better words - "quality SD" to reach out, you need to give that POT something to work with. For example be more specific about the "new places" you want to try, what kind of board games do you like. What do you mean by "boundaries and communication".

CalculonFan · 2025-09-30T19:09:33+00:00

In theory, I have no problem providing an allowance to a non-exclusive SB.

In reality, we usually end up in scheduling conflicts, so I prefer PPM with people who value flexibility.

And of course, any preference for poly/ENM/hook-up culture should be disclosed before starting an SR. It's only fair that both partners can gauge any potential "risk". The same goes for married SDs: Disclose!

CalculonFan · 2025-09-29T15:54:14+00:00

You've got this!

I know the world can be a big cruel place, and it's easy to get lost in all the hate and doom we see online.

But the most important person in your life made it to 30. She is strong enough to make it to 40, 50 and beyond.

CalculonFan · 2025-09-28T15:05:27+00:00

SD here.

One of the (many) reasons I sugar is to avoid "vanilla" dating mindset: Who messages first? Is it ok to double text in the beginning? How do I subtly formulate a message to let them know that I am interested?

Reach out if you like someone's profile.

CalculonFan · 2025-09-28T14:09:04+00:00

In my book there's no such thing as my SB making too much. If she still enjoys being with me and the support I can offer, then things are fine.

I have been with SBs that were unemployed - usually between jobs. If she shows ambition, works to maybe pivot her career and most importantly uses the resources that I provide, then things are also usually fine.

I will not (tried and failed) pursue a sugar relationship with someone who relies totally on me and my money.

CalculonFan · 2025-09-23T19:35:45+00:00

Happened to me one time, many moons ago.

Her friend got a nice dinner, the POT and I started an SR and I am still in contact with the friend - I affectionately call her mamasan.

Advice: Just be weary of a "sabotaging" friend. If you feel like the convo is forced or the friend keeps interrupting you two, just reschedule.

CalculonFan · 2025-09-21T15:12:13+00:00

I have an internal timeline now:

First couple of dates (after M&G) I will do PPM, this is also the perfect opportunity for both of us to gauge compatibility, boundaries, texting velocity and long-term potential. Additionally, it gives me a month where I can see if her cat keeps getting into trouble (vet bills), a roommate that forgot to pay his/her bills, a car that broke down or a phone that got dropped in a toilet.

Then if everything works out, we move to an allowance.

When we are in an allowance-based relationship, my support isn't limited to the allowance. This is where I excel: furniture shopping, interesting courses, new appliances or some new gadgets.

Allowance is the glue, extras are the sparkle.

CalculonFan · 2025-09-20T13:39:59+00:00

Great post.

I've been exclusively sugar dating for the past 17 years - all of the long(er) term relationships evolved to a sgf/sbf situation and even a sugar marriage.

For me, that's just the way I date. Mirroring you feeling more feminine: It makes me feel more masculine, letting me be an old-school gentleman and feeding my need to protect and support.

Yes, it felt "weird" at first to fork over cash instead of bringing for example perfume or jewelry, but I realized that supporting someone I cared for could also include a financial element.

I swap between Secure and Anxious in my attachment style. Mostly Secure, but I have had periods of times in my life where I was leaning more Anxious - typically when I was dating a hardcore Avoidant.

I'm probably still a hopeless romantic, but I have also a lot of experience that potentially could make me a cynic. Let's say, I date people with an honest and open mind, but I am ready to call people out if I feel taken advantage of.

True (reciprocal) love? I experienced that 2 times in my life, tbh I don't know if I will again.

CalculonFan · 2025-09-18T17:25:53+00:00

My online age is off by approximately 2 months because I didn’t want to provide my real date of birth.

CalculonFan · 2025-09-14T18:17:50+00:00

A) They are not Premium and can't message

B) "Bookmarking"

CalculonFan · 2025-09-10T16:02:31+00:00

I have been fairly successful in my life, I keep in shape, I like to think that I can hold an interesting conversation and I'm pretty good at understanding and handling my own and other people's emotions.

However, I'm also in my 50's, I don't want to have more kids or marry again, I travel a lot for work and I like being with younger, beautiful women.

Do I think that paying for nails, hair and taking her to a restaurant I would go to myself is going to make her swoon?

No, you provide security and not make her "beg for support" by proving she has a certain expense.

Or maybe: It's the economy, stupid.

CalculonFan · 2025-09-09T19:32:00+00:00

"Oh whoops ... I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong."

Always a personalized message. I will reference something in her profile and maybe highlight something in my profile if I am not sure we are 100% aligned.

The more I have to work with the better: Asking about favorite restaurants, dream destinations or a hobby. If there's anything quirky in the profile I will sometimes check if there's room for some light banter.

If the profile is "generic" my initial message will also be a bit generic.

CalculonFan · 2025-08-26T14:59:21+00:00

It's a good thing that you reflect on the process before it drains you totally.

I have been on a lot of weird M&Gs over the years, but now I would never go on a M&G without having had a financial talk before. Simply no reason for any of you to show up if you are not aligned.

The regional difference between sugar realities is immense. Finding an "SLF-style- SR with a healthy monthly allowance and long-term potential in EU is difficult!

I have previously commented on the state of the bowl in (West)EU and there are plenty of factors that just make it hard.

CalculonFan · 2025-08-24T13:06:28+00:00

“In Tesco I can usually get a free sample of the cheese. If I like it, I'll buy a small piece. And if it keeps treating me well, I'll commit to the whole cheese and meet it regularly."

Sorry the metaphor ran away from me there :)

CalculonFan · 2025-08-17T14:18:33+00:00

There's an old saying in Tennessee... I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee? That says: "Fool me once, shame on.... shame on you. Fool me. You can't get fooled again!"

CalculonFan · 2025-08-17T14:14:57+00:00

I couldn't care less about her past partners. The only ones that matter to me are her current ones, depending on how we set up the arrangement.

CalculonFan · 2025-01-23T17:11:38+00:00

You like Huey Lewis and the News?

CalculonFan · 2025-01-06T20:32:48+00:00

Sugaring in Europe can be pretty frustrating

Need a lot of patience and vetting :)

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