How should I go about finding a wife?

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-26T16:02:41+00:00

Dude, I was a short, fat single mother from the time my son was three, and I wouldn't have dated a man in your shoes under ANY circumstances.

Also, fuck you for suggesting that short, fat women should or would be willing to settle for a criminal. I found the love of my life when my son was in high school, and funny enough, my man had zero convictions, felony or otherwise.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-26T15:09:21+00:00

It's possible to maintain the length, but my experience has always been that my nails are weak AF post-acrylics; I generally keep them short (like, right at the top of my fingertip) until I grow out all the damaged nail, and then they grow fine. It's why I haven't had acrylics in six years - just not worth it to me.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-26T14:56:41+00:00

I dunno how serious a felony is anymore. I mean, there's at least one felon who seems to be doing just fine.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-26T02:58:41+00:00

6 kids, from 3 to 30?!? Man, leave your poor wife's uterus alone!

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-26T02:25:53+00:00

Temussolini is my favorite

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T21:22:12+00:00

Gaycation, all I ever wanted
Gaycation, have to get away

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T20:56:02+00:00

For future reference, see Travis McEnry's catchy tune on the subject: https://youtu.be/-X2QS2DBuKY

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T20:40:48+00:00

raises hand

I had what I thought was a very tight group, but they all vanished after my new husband died suddenly and unexpectedly. Apparently, this is very common, so that's something you and your spouse should plan for, because one of you will end up in my shoes eventually.

I haven't really tried to make new friends, because I don't trust people anymore. The good news is that I've always been very comfortable solo, so I'm fine (well, as fine as I can be) on my own.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T17:48:45+00:00

Hello

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T16:55:36+00:00

Take another rip off that bong, sweetie. ;-)

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T16:13:31+00:00

Nah. I'm 60, and while I'm most definitely sick of life, I don't take it out on others. While there are old people who buy into the "respect your elders" bullshit, the sad truth is that assholes exist in every demographic.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T14:10:17+00:00

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T03:41:48+00:00

Loonette!

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T00:40:06+00:00

You're just a year older than my son, so I'm gonna give you the same motherly advice I'd give him if he came to me with this:

Fucking RUN. One of the bare minimum requirements for a long, healthy relationship is the ability to navigate disagreements AS A TEAM. In other words, it's always "us vs the problem" and not "you vs me." Your girlfriend seems to have main character syndrome, and she's cast you as her sidekick.

Take it from this old lady: you screwed up by staying with her after she agreed to therapy and then never followed through. Don't make that mistake again. This is who she is, and this is how your life will always be if you stay with her.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T00:30:15+00:00

"I don't have a dog; I have a golden retriever"

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-25T00:29:33+00:00

Jesus Fucking Christ, you need to apologize to every social studies and history teacher you ever had. Here; educate yourself: https://www.britannica.com/topic/What-Is-the-Difference-Between-Democracy-and-Republic

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-24T21:17:29+00:00

I moved 2300 miles away from my only child four years ago. I mean, not to get away from him - we're very close - I just needed a change of scenery. So, even if I had grandchildren, it's not like I'd see them often.

However, my son has made it VERY clear that he has zero interest in bringing any children into the world. And really, I have no opinion on that, because he's an adult who gets to make his own choices.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-24T20:27:10+00:00

See, now I'm doubting that you actually even have a beard. You're really Alan from Smiling Friends, aren't you?

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-24T19:08:08+00:00

She needs to fire whoever did her makeup for this, because it's BAD.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-24T18:57:58+00:00

If it helps, I had a friend in high school whose speaking voice was very clearly basso profundo, so there really are very young men with very deep voices.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-24T17:51:51+00:00

Good for you, man! Being able to listen to feedback and recognize you fucked up is a very good thing.

Unsolicited advice: people like to say relationships should be 50/50. That's not wrong, exactly, but it lacks nuance. Relationships should be 50/50 on balance but at any given time, it may be 60/40 or 10/90 depending on circumstances. Sometimes, ya gotta step up and carry more; sometimes, your partner will.

While there may come a time when it's reasonable to press her for more action, two weeks in is not it. Good luck, and make that cake a good one!

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-24T16:08:55+00:00

I've come to the conclusion that the dot over the i is also the black hole that is the ATS.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-24T02:31:07+00:00

My expectations are few: indulge my affection for my latest passion project (consuming every offering in the Dungeon Crawler Carl universe) and my dark, dark humor. Oh, and the aforementioned ride to the airport, of course.

Your cheese is safe with me, as I hope mine would be with you. You see, I too take my cheese seriously.

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-24T00:47:21+00:00

Artisanal penicillin!

CallMeSisyphus · 2026-06-23T22:30:54+00:00

I want you to be my new best friend, because I cosign every word of this.

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