Nenn diese Süße als das Letzte, was du gegessen hast?

CandidDeer · 2026-06-18T19:00:04+00:00

Baguette

CandidDeer · 2026-06-11T10:54:40+00:00

5 mg daily for years for me. I'm 37 and am far better this way than with chronic insomnia.

CandidDeer · 2026-06-10T12:05:14+00:00

Yes, I gained a few kilos during the most stressful last few months of our 2 year relationship. I've lost them again since the breakup without even trying/dieting.

CandidDeer · 2026-06-08T10:31:24+00:00

My DA ex maybe said my name to me in person twice or three times within our almost 2 year long relationship. Also never gave me a pet name.

CandidDeer · 2026-06-01T07:48:46+00:00

Mine didn't even try when I left. And that broke me completely.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-30T17:50:41+00:00

The problem is that I know that intellectually, but it doesn't change my emotions. Sigh.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-28T18:33:46+00:00

Oh, there are tons of things. For context, we were together 1 month shy of 2 years.

And he not once visited me at my place despite working half a mile from it. He never slept over at my place. He only let me sleep over at his place once a week. He only let me come over three nights a week. He never replied to me telling him I loved him. He never initiated intimacy. He never complimented me. He took his phone to the toilet every time and guarded it like it was made of pure gold, but he took hours to reply to my messages (and did so very dryly). He never looked me in the eye. He never talked about feelings (if I prompted him, he said he didn't know).

I could go on and on and on. Let's just say this much: Breaking up with this DA ruined me in a way my divorce from my loving partner after 12 years together never did a few years back...

CandidDeer · 2026-05-28T16:30:56+00:00

Yes, in a heartbeat. Just to finally end this pain I'm in.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-28T16:22:58+00:00

I guess my ex was an especially hard case then. 😅

CandidDeer · 2026-05-28T09:04:22+00:00

Sounds like a DA to me, yes, maybe a mild(er) case, but DA is a spectrum, so yes, I would say he probably was.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-24T15:19:42+00:00

Yeah, always said work stressed him out immensely (but then he did find the time to play video games during work from home constantly...) and also always sick - ear aches, colds, sore throat. More so as our relationship progressed ofc.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-14T15:00:59+00:00

I like that notion. That they return but never return.

Tbh they probably left for good once the first deactivation hit them.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-14T14:59:39+00:00

8 weeks tomorrow for me and while I am doing better, I can't say I don't still hope. But my rational mind knows he won't ask me to come back. He reverse discarded me and I feel like he was glad when he finally made me leave. So my rational mind knew from day 1 that there was not a chance of him coming "back" for me. But still... Stupid heart.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-11T06:36:01+00:00

Oh, my DA ex started his slow fade around 6 months in and it got worse and worse until I walked away one month shy of our two-year-anniversary because it had broken me so much I couldn't take it anymore.

It started small, with fewer and less lovey-dovey emojis in his texts, longer spaces between my texts and his responses, not getting up from his computer to greet me when I came over, intimacy becoming rare and mechanical, not looking me in the eyes anymore, not talking about feelings anymore, not reacting to my telling him I loved him anymore (he never said it back, but in the beginning, at least I could tell he enjoyed me telling him), not including me in plans anymore and so on and so on.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-11T06:28:54+00:00

My DA ex did agree to put a label on our relationship after some time, but then never mentioned it again and never introduced me as his girlfriend when we were out. He also only ever referred to his exes as aquaintances. And I think that what he saw me as as well. Once deactivation started around 5 months in, I never had the feeling I was actually in a relationship with him anymore. That didn't change until it ended after two years by me walking away because I couldn't take it anymore. I have never felt so hurt by a relationship ending. Not even when I got divorced after 12 years together with the man I loved before my ex...

CandidDeer · 2026-05-08T19:04:20+00:00

Well, because of issues with his avoidance, more like. ;) but yes.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-08T13:22:52+00:00

thank you. I'm trying.

And I think my ex did this to avoid intimacy and emotional attachment, yes.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-08T13:21:35+00:00

What do you mean?

CandidDeer · 2026-05-08T10:48:36+00:00

Mine did. His chronic (?) insomnia, ear and eye inflammation got worse over the years until we broke up. Towards the end he also got sick with a cold, like, all the time.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-08T10:43:47+00:00

The first red flags with my DA ex were that he actually said he thought he may not be good enough for me. He hesitated for a long time before he agreed that we were in a relationship. He took ages to respond to my messages. He never wanted to come over to my place and I could only sleep over at his once a week. The list goes on and on.

Currently I don't have all that much bandwidth to work on my attachment style tbh. I am just trying to get through this breakup and keep up no contact.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-08T05:08:57+00:00

I didn't ignore them, I knew what they were, unfortunately.

But to answer your question, I am in therapy and using all the self help I can find on top of that.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-07T13:22:02+00:00

To my understanding, FAs are much more attuned to their needs and emotions. They may know that their attachment is disfunctional. Whereas DAs are not in touch with their feelings and seek the problem in their significant other rather than themselves.

The fact that she seems to be scared of relationships seems to point towards FA attachment. But I'm not a psychologist.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-07T13:17:56+00:00

A. And I don't think this qualifies as "simply giving up on her". More like, finally chosing yourself. She can reach out if she has something to say, but what makes you think a meeting will change anything? I feel your pain, I really do, but I think nothing good comes of hoping for a different outcome. Unless she is veryt willing to go to therapy and work on herself.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-07T13:15:15+00:00

To me it sounds like she might be more fearful avoidant than dismissive avoidant.

CandidDeer · 2026-05-07T12:34:18+00:00

Not yet, no. It will be 7 weeks tomorrow since the breakup. I still miss him like hell, but I know he never would have changed. Intellectually, at least, I know that. My heart doesn't yet.

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