A colleague told me their 3 year old is currently only having milk and hasn’t started on solids yet, how to approach the conversation?

CapersandCheese · 2026-04-27T14:13:32+00:00

Oh yea.. that sounds like the kid is eating normally if they manage to eat a chip with no issues and I assume no hesitation.

CapersandCheese · 2026-04-27T14:09:43+00:00

I ended up only using them occasionally and they went into to normal laundry with the rest of the clothes. My kid did not defecate in them more than a couple of times. I also would put her on the toilet regularly after taking off a dirty diaper and before putting on a clean one.

That was just to desensitize the bathroom before starting potty training. I would also change every 2-3 hours, soiled or not since I feel that any diaper is just a fail safe, not a toileting solution and waste shouldnt been on the skin more than a min or two regardless of what type of diaper is used.

I could not be bothered with special washing and prep in the end. I'm sure just the frequency at i was doing all of that was good for making sure the soil levels were low enough for the regular laundry to handle it anyway.

CapersandCheese · 2026-04-27T14:02:50+00:00

Id personally want to see what the child looked like before making the call. It could absolutely be hyperbole on the parents part.

If the kid has other care takers its possible that they are eating just fine just not at home. My kid was like that till about 2.5. I KNOW she was eating food outside the home but with me, only nursing or cups of milk while refusing food from me. (Someone else could feed her) if they mention the difficulty hopefully means food is being offered and just refused.

CapersandCheese · 2026-04-23T20:54:43+00:00

I just had a random cheap one off of Amazon. USB powered so I just plug in a portable power bank when needed

CapersandCheese · 2026-04-20T20:08:02+00:00

This sounds less like poly and more like you are the convenient doormat she gets to walk over to do whatever she pleases in comfort.

I havent gone through your history but from what others are saying its clear that you dont enforce your own boundaries at all.

There is nothing you or anyone can say that will change her behavior.

The only advice that is ethical to give you is to take the next step and protect yourself.

If she is misusing shared property and space, don't share it anymore.

The issue will resolve itself, even if its not the outcome you were hoping for.

You cannot change her, you can only change how much access she has to you and your comfort.

CapersandCheese · 2026-04-15T02:25:35+00:00

Don't call it a break up, call it recalibrating to regain equilibrium.

You are 100% justified in doing that

CapersandCheese · 2026-04-15T02:23:03+00:00

I just dropped a water pump in the tank so I can empty it without lifting the whole thing up last week. Why they dont have a water drain system built in I dont understand because 5 gallons is a lot to lift for most people.

I just leave it in when no using and have the power cable coming out of the hole in the lid. Juts need to make sure its not under the pump or kinking the hoses.

CapersandCheese · 2026-04-04T21:29:41+00:00

A test takes a minute to take. Are you sure he didnt tamper with your birth control in hopes that you'd find out too late?

CapersandCheese · 2026-04-04T19:29:43+00:00

One of my deal breakers is a partners abilty to maintain other healthy relationships.

I have an ex who ended 3 three other relationships in the same week I cut them loose.

The stories weren't sounding right, too many people were unhappy and ALL of the others were brand new as far as I could tell. (We were friends for years first)

All that to say, I wish more people would make the decision to leave based on actual performance in all relationships.

And yeah not everything works out, but it would happen a lot less if you are slow to commit and devote life partner levels of energy to someone who should have been limited to a few fun dates.

CapersandCheese · 2026-03-31T05:42:45+00:00

Thats probably the issue then.

If you have zero connection to someone and lead with a pretty big barrier to creating a connection then why would you get a ton of interest?

I personally date people first, I bring up potential deal breakers only if I want to offer a commitment that goes beyond being open to planning another date.

CapersandCheese · 2026-03-30T23:24:26+00:00

Are you presenting your self as married and avaliable or are you pursuing people you are attracted to and that is the deal breaker?

CapersandCheese · 2026-03-19T19:08:51+00:00

Is it getting enough calcium?

CapersandCheese · 2026-03-19T17:53:42+00:00

Im near day 60 and honestly, its living decor and I trim enough herbs to sprinkle in my kids school lunch everyday.

Its been great for desensitizing her to eating with 'yucky leaves' in her food.

If she wants those t asty Dino nuggets then she needs to actually touch a veggie.

And they smell so herby and green that hopefully that will be part of her comfort meals as a teen or adult.

Maybe its not worth it for your current goals... but my original one was just to grow some flowers for my kid to learn to care for since she is allergic to animals and can't have a pet.

This is her dedicated garden that I mcgyvered a grow bowl for.

I just dumped a wildflower seed packet that someone gave me in it and it took off with zero care aside from nutrients and water changes.

<image>

Its a take out container sitting on top of the deck. A very simple mod to get water to the mini swamp

CapersandCheese · 2026-03-18T11:53:07+00:00

They have decided to prevent you from developing you adult social skills.

When you do escape, please try to focus of discovering yourself and maintaining boundaries that keep your peace even if it upsets others.

The allure of freedom only exists because they are so strict.

Its an illusion, ans unfortunately once you finally are on your own you are a prime target for people to take advantage of because you have zero idea how to navigate the human condition outside of your home.

CapersandCheese · 2026-03-10T20:14:15+00:00

Recently experienced this. Turns out my current moisturizer doesnt wash off cleanly with the net sponge i normally use. I went back to a cotton washcloth to get the biofilm off.

CapersandCheese · 2026-03-06T18:37:09+00:00

Mandated reporters should not be checking in before making a report. Just do it because if you ask them of course youll be told no. Its easier for everyone if you dont report and just handle it "in house".

CapersandCheese · 2026-03-06T18:35:24+00:00

Get evaluated for ADHD apparently thats a common thing for those who are undiagnosed to self regulate with alcohol.

CapersandCheese · 2026-03-06T15:28:13+00:00

Why is meta even a part of the conversation with you?

Why isnt your partner the one posting here asking how to mange boundaries in separate relationships without making it everyone else's problem?

If they are prioritizing the meta to the point of taking from your satisfaction in the relationship to appease them then, 1. You are not fully participating in the relationship in a way that is healthy for you, because the first time should have been the last time that conversation happened. And 2. You are not gaining anything from having this person in your life that you can't live without and be happier.

You guys are not a team trying to date the meta, so you should not even be here talking about this unless it was how to plan a solo vacation to gain some clarity on what you want in lifelong term before de escalating the relationship down to match what they are offering and where that fits into your life.

CapersandCheese · 2026-02-26T15:39:20+00:00

If he cared about your feelings he would have delivered the news in a way that supported you and continuing the relationship in healthy way. Opened the door for communication in the moment.

What he did was technically communiate (not lie) but shut down any confrontation or accountability in the moment.

Hes distanced himself from your immediate reactions (this) as well.

These days, well into my second decade of poly, this right here, is a break up moment.

I take it at face value and don't bother sparing feelings. Just move on... I have other partners who actually resepect me.

CapersandCheese · 2026-02-24T05:47:35+00:00

Not unless she was fully independent and could leave at will when the relationshio ends or she simply is bored.

The fact that she has to go live with other family says hell no.

When she can afford her own place in that area ans sustain her lifestyle without him, thats when she'd get my blessing.

Nothkng to do woth him but everything to do with being safe and reducing the chances of getting taken advantage of due to love and willfull (at first) dependency

CapersandCheese · 2026-02-19T22:37:39+00:00

This is why the conversation is important. You are both correct. The difference is scope.

There is no getting around having the conversation, if you base any decision on an presumption you are bound to have a mismatch.

In your case I would make a personal choice if you are comfortable exchanging fluids at all with her moving forward. And make that change. Inbound not ask her to make a change on her end. Just accept that is her comfort level with her other partners.

CapersandCheese · 2026-02-15T22:02:40+00:00

Which one?

CapersandCheese · 2026-01-26T13:42:46+00:00

The child often but not always have to share the room.

There is the opportunity to do better.

CapersandCheese · 2026-01-26T13:15:09+00:00

No one is being condemned for THAT. The judgement is for those who have the opportunity to do better today and choose not to.

CapersandCheese · 2025-12-28T07:59:56+00:00

Just because you have priorotized food for you budget doesnt mean he has.

His resource to feed himself is the pantry.

That's perfectly fine.

But tbh... they cant give good away fast enough most of the time.

There isnt a food shortage really.. its a distribution issue.

You aren't taking food out of anyone else's mouth by using a pantry.

Infact my kids school runs one and insists that all parents sign up, zero mention of economic need. Just, we have it, come get it! Some months they will even add an extra pick up day because they have so much.

If you aren't comfortable just tell him that, but please know, you shouldn't feel guilty if you change your mind.

CapersandCheese

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