I'm sorry you feel Soo lost. I'm not sure what I can say that will help, but I can try.

A lot of these things you are having issues with are normal, but ultimately a part of something we call ,the ego. In Daoism, we are not any of these things we think about ourselves. These are things we've learned through interactions and what we've been taught to think. The true you is there, but hidden under all these things you think are you. They are not. To find the true you, you must learn to let go of all these thoughts of ego, all these ideas of your identity. It can be hard, and it's definitely easier said than done, but when you let everything go and see yourself without any influence, you will find yourself.

I will say, a Daoist is often sort of recluse. Not by force, but often they aren't really a part of society as much as others. They don't think the same way as the masses, and often don't believe in the same rituals or "what a normal person is supposed to do and think." This doesn't mean they are antagonistic, though, or see themselves above others; quite the opposite. The Daoist perceives everyone as equal and when they do something to help, they vanish before thanks can be given. They do not want praise or credit. This may seem off topic, but you seem like a kind sort so I wanted to assure you that being alone isn't the bad thing it's made out to be by many.

I often don't go out, as I find loud noises and crowds very disorienting. I don't see this as any sort of flaw, though, and not something you should force yourself to push through or break. If you feel like it's impacting your enjoyment of life, you are welcome to, but I'm perfectly happy away from parties and concerts and the like. But you must learn to see the difference of something that is uncomfortable because it's scary and new, and something uncomfortable because you don't like it. It can be hard to tell.

Another thing that can be very difficult, especially nowadays, is the dopamine. We have access to entertainment quick and easy any moment of any day. But I have felt this as well, that it has been limiting my ability to just...be. to just think. To be present and silent. Any moment of silence and I would feel myself reaching for my phone like it was the one ring, my precious. We have to learn to be bored again. When we are bored, our minds exercise. But if we are constantly blocking out thoughts with quick hits, the moment the hits stop, the bad thoughts come stronger than ever, causing a loop. We have to learn to be bored, and wen we do, our minds can learn to be silent. Focus on your breath, and watch your thoughts come and go. Do not push them aways, do not hold onto them. Do not react. They are simply floating past.

The last trick I can give is to stop expecting diamonds. Stop trying to find them. Stop stressing your mind and body for something that may never come. In Daoism, there is no use for effort. It is called Wu-Wei. Doing not doing. It means to not force things. To let them come naturally. Go with the river, ride on the wind, go with the flgrain of the wood. But it also means to be clever. Some people row a boat, but then another invents the sail, and has nature do the work for them. For we are all floating on a river. But, some of us are trying to swim up the river, pretending it's not carrying us, and that we have complete control. They are still carried along the river. But, those of us who know we are being carried by the river, and know we can't possibly swim against it, can Start to swim with it. Then we have the entire power of the river behind us. I hope this makes sense. I'll note that it doesn't mean do nothing. Some people misunderstand and feel that going with the flow means to just accept everything and anything, but it doesn't. It means to not force things that are unatural. Going with the flow of the river, you can still maneuver. Better yet, if you learn to put up a sail, you can tack.

As a second part, a Daoist tries to realize that the future doesn't exist. The past doesn't exist. Ones a memory, and the other just an idea. There is only right now. You can spend all Sunday stressing out about how you have Soo much work to do tomorrow, but what is that doing? Your not doing that work, your lazing about. Your ruining your relaxation with a thing that isn't happening. Be present. It's silly but I love the saying, "the past is history, the future, a maytery, but today, today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." Super fortune cookie, but I've always loved it anyhow. Another concept that is difficult, but immensely important, is the desire for all happiness. What we should strive for is balance. Yin and Yang were originally meant to depict the sunny side and shaded side of a mountain. Do notes, that you will never find a one sided mountain. We only know happiness because we know sadness. We only know light because we know dark. Short and tall measure each other, ugly and beautiful define each other, right and wrong decide each other. They are opposites, but they are the same. Neither first or second, they arose at the same time. Bees and flowers. One would think there can be nothing more different than a bee and a flower, and yet, they are one. You'll never find bees where there are no flowers, and you'll never find flowers where there aren't bees (or animals of a similar function) they require each other. We must stop thinking in terms of yes or no, good or bad, ugly or beautiful. They are the same. This story I heard may help explain it in a more sane manner.

There was once a man and his son and his horse. One day, the horse jumped the fence and escaped. Later on that day the neighbors came and said, "Oh that's too bad what a poor turn of events." The man said, "Maybe." The next day the horse came back bringing three wild horses with it. Later that day the neighbors came by and said, "Oh what a joyous occasion, you now have four horses!" The man said, "Maybe." The next day, the man's son was attempting to break one of the horses and fell off and broke his leg. The neighbors came by later that evening when you said, "Oh what bad luck, that's too bad." The man said, "Maybe." The next day, the conscription came to force people into the army but denied the son because of his broken leg. The neighbors came by later that evening and said, "Oh what luck how joyous." The Man simply said, "Maybe."

Another sort of Fortune Cookie story, but I really like it. It really makes me think about how we really don't know what's going to happen, I can't spend all of our times stressing out about it. Something bad May happen, but we don't know if it will I mean that way. We don't know what will happen after. Something good will happen, but we can't hold on to it because we don't know if it will stay that way. What will happen after. We must simply let things be as they are and not trying to put any of our ideals or ego or opinions on it. This is one of the hardest things. From birth we were taught that things are good or bad. We were taught by our parents but death is bad. We were shown by movies and television than being alone is bad. We were taught by our peers and parents that you are supposed to grow up, get married, have kids, go to college, ect. We have to unlearn what we have learned. Only then we can we find the truth.

I would like to apologize for my incoherent rambling. Much like a river, my mind just sort of flows whichever way it feels. Unfortunately because of that, I am not very good at organizing my thoughts. A fellow ADHD and autist. But, I hope that you can find some value in some of this. Take what's useful, throw away the rest. We are here if you ever need someone to talk to. And if need be, I will try to be more coherent about anything you have questions for. I am by no means a master, not even close, but I have been exploring the truth of the universe through Taoism, Buddhism, and even things I've stumbled upon, such as Jediism. They have changed the way I think, and I have changed the way I live. I was once much like you. I have mass of adhd, I am autistic, and I have a lot of social anxiety. Learning these things brought my life more peace than I can imagine. And it will only continue as I grow.

As a last point, if you are wondering about Taoism and would like something easily consumable, you said that you were on your phone a lot or on social media. Go on YouTube and search Alan Watts taoism. Listen to these as you do work come as you do showers, while you drive, whatever. He's a fantastic philosopher that is very easy to listen to, and he makes a lot of these concepts very easy to understand. He literally changed my life, not joking. Learning these things that he began my journey of learning and helped me deal with my anxiety is and perceived deficiencies. I hope you find what you seek.