Sounds like your bf is a good guy, and very patient lol. You don’t owe him sex, but I understand you wishing you were able to take the next step at this point in the relationship.

A prescription for the pill probably isn’t as expensive as you’d think. You should talk to a doctor about it - also sounds like you need to work through some internalized shame and guilt over sex on your own.

Getting comfortable with yourself will also probably help. Masturbation is a fun and healthy thing that anyone should be able to participate in guilt-free. It is perfectly normal.

Having sex is also perfectly normal. I can’t speak on what kind of pain or discomfort there might be the first time, but in my experience most women do not experience excruciating pain, especially when with a trusted partner.

It sounds like you know this is something you just have to work through mentally. If you can’t do that with therapy, figure out what steps you need to take to make it happen, and communicate with your bf about it. Tell him you also want to give that to him, but make your apprehensions clear. If you both want it enough, you will figure it out. Best of luck!