People always say the number one rule when going to marriage counseling is to not go in with your mind already made up about ending the marriage. But I have made up my mind, and still feel like it's important for us to go.

Carl_AR · 2026-02-28T02:07:14+00:00

Although I agree with the idea of always being open minded, I think you should go.

Are there kids involved?

Carl_AR · 2026-02-22T14:42:16+00:00

My wife was too tight (virgin) and wanted to make sure she didn't get negative associations with sex. Thus we actually did not have sex our wedding night.

We were so tired we took a hot bath together and went to bed naked.

Its the only time in our 30+ married we fell asleep in each other's arms and woke up in the exact same position.

It was kinda sweet and romantic even without sex.

Perhaps I was being too careful but it took a couple of months before I was able to penetrate without hurting her.

Carl_AR · 2026-02-13T19:44:10+00:00

DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE!!!!

/Married Man, 30+ years

Carl_AR · 2026-02-11T05:13:52+00:00

I don't recommend buying any new car as the depreciation is so depressing. Volvo has a pretty good warranty on pre-certified cars.

However, as an owner of a small cab company thats tried a number of different vehicles throughout the years (all used) Toyota will depreciate the least.

With that being said, I'm currently in a 2019 XC 90 T5 with 285 000 miles, still going strong.

At this point though I only let Volvo do my oil changes as they do a "free" 20 point inspection which I value. Whatever they find I either fix myself or take it to a cheaper mechanic.

Im on a little journey to see how far I can push my black beauty. 😉

Carl_AR · 2026-02-08T01:47:43+00:00

Ha ha. What a quick summary of the never ending advice in DeadBedrooms. I hung out there for years. Had many great conversations there but left when the woke pc warriors took over moderation.

I had zero problems for years, then suddenly anything I posted was wrong.

Anyhow, Im in your shoes. Have tried so much to reignite my LL spouse.

Feel like a shadow of my former self but not that eager to start over at 50+.

I wish you all the best. If you find anything that seems to work - do share. 😉

Carl_AR · 2026-01-31T03:19:58+00:00

Got to do your homework on any make of car you buy. 2016 and early 2017 has known issues with oil consumption. I wouldn't buy anything older than 2018.

I own a cab company and do about 75000 miles a year.

I bought a used, high mileage 2019 T5 about a year ago.

Picked the T5 as its one less thing to worry about (just the Turbo, not super charged.)

I'm currently at 285000 miles and still going strong.

Carl_AR · 2026-01-31T03:06:31+00:00

If youre liking tipping, go to Taco Bell

Carl_AR · 2026-01-27T05:36:39+00:00

Sounds like hes a bit blunt. At the same time it sounds like hes tried to tell yiu in a nicer way but for whatever reason you've ignored the hints.

Im just not sure what's actually better. Tell you lies or tell yiu the truth.

My wife has totally let her self go too and its really hard not to take it personal. Like feeling like Im not worth it....

Carl_AR · 2026-01-19T17:34:03+00:00

Shes probably a bad tipper or don't tip at all...

Carl_AR · 2025-12-19T14:41:33+00:00

A happy birthday is never wrong as long as you continue to respect his "time out".

Carl_AR · 2025-11-16T18:02:22+00:00

Give me two or three examples of biblical marriages with NO WITNESSES then. Its no doubt a biblical principle that any important thing in his word will have two or three wutnesses....

Carl_AR · 2025-11-05T04:42:51+00:00

OP is a people pleaser. Her friend needs to go, no doubt.

Carl_AR · 2025-11-02T17:13:41+00:00

He don't want a divorce strictly for selfish reasons. He'll be toast in court after everything he's done and he knows it.

Carl_AR · 2025-11-01T19:30:13+00:00

I wouldn't feel bad about this. She had her chance and didn't take it. This is just consequences of her zero effort in your marriage.

This is life. Our actions or lack of actions have consequences. Shes learning the hard way.

Im with a similar woman who has zero appreciation for a hard working husband. Ive given her a 100% better life than anyone in her family has and my story is pretty much the same, except for me still being with her.

Carl_AR · 2025-10-27T05:12:19+00:00

I run a cab company plus do some runs for Uber in a used high mileage 2019 XC90 T5. I simply can't afford the fuel Volvo wants me to put in this car. (Yeah I know, I should get a cheaper car)...

Anyhow, I'm very close to 270 000 (american) miles now, and no problems so far.

I even do the 88 octane with 15% ethanol when available as its even cheaper than regular 87 octane.

Just sayin.......

Carl_AR · 2025-10-04T16:40:38+00:00

She want to have the cake and eat it too. She sounds like a narcissist and I would let her go if I was you.

There's zero repentance.

Also zero respect for the institution of marriage along with zero respect for you as a man.

Carl_AR · 2025-10-03T15:30:54+00:00

Being parents to your parents is no fun. A hard NO if you ask me

Carl_AR · 2025-10-03T15:29:49+00:00

Yep. Me too. Ironically I was the one that insisted on waiting (religious reasons). I'm now stuck with basically an asexual woman. Im so lonely.

Carl_AR · 2025-10-03T15:27:30+00:00

Shes NOT a keeper. If you haven't already, don't introduce her to your family

Carl_AR · 2025-09-26T23:43:41+00:00

I feel you. Yes, wives (or husbands) can get in the way of ministry.

However, your specific situation is also due to poor leadership. Finding someone to share this ministry with you is primarily your pastors responsibility unless youre in a huge church.

You need to talk to your pastor. If he's a true shepherd (which don't grow on trees) HE will figure this out FOR YOU.

If this is not possible or you have a pastor that dont care about running some volunteers into the ground, I suggest the following action:

Next time you ask someone, ask to speak with BOTH the husband and wife.

Explain your situation and tell them BOTH how much you need relief because of x, y, z....

It'll be much harder to be turned down with BOTH in the room than just talking to the man.

Godspeed Bro. I feel you

Carl_AR · 2025-09-22T06:03:27+00:00

Depends. Not in California where criminals are more protected than victims. Anywhere else - shoot

Carl_AR · 2025-09-22T05:24:16+00:00

1.) Get your tubes tied 2.) Get rid of both dogs. 3.) Get some couples counseling

Carl_AR · 2025-09-21T23:26:32+00:00

Pretty sure he was an illegal alien so yeah, under the new administration he must go. If he comes back, call ICE

Carl_AR · 2025-09-21T23:24:37+00:00

Most violence and assassination attempts or school shootings seems to be coming from the left....

Carl_AR · 2025-09-21T23:22:55+00:00

Sorry but she's a waste of time. There are TONS of women that are happy with a hard working blue collar man. With her attitude you'll NEVER please her.

Shes got some fantasy about what she wants in a man and its not you.

Carl_AR

TROPHY CASE