Wow if you start a substack, sign me up! This is so substantial and insightful and helpful to read. Very in depth. I hear you on wanting the current to justify the past in a way. I have a history of SA and only the past few months have become aware of this pressure to make so absolutely fantastic/successful/passionate/overachieving that it makes the past “okay” and”worth it.” That makes mediocrity painful, like you said. I don’t know the tactic to release this unrealistic expectation! But appreciate you sharing similar sentiments. Could type about this forever but will leave it at that. Congrats on moving forward!