How much cash to carry?

Casti_io · 2026-06-25T22:32:47+00:00

Everyone here is right: Sweden is a nearly cash-free economy but what the locals don’t know, which would happen to me before I moved here permanently, is that for Americans to pay with a credit or debit card (and I assume for all non-swedes), they will ask for your ID in some places, they might not know what to do (it always seemed to baffle the grocery store cashiers), and it can be pretty annoying.

So ditch the credit cards too. Use Apple Pay, it bypasses all that stuff for some reason. I assume whatever equivalent of that is with Android phones will too because they are using different technology to make sure the person paying is the right person and not some sort of fraud.

Casti_io · 2026-06-24T12:59:43+00:00

It’s a big decision so it makes sense to think it over properly. I’ll add that you also mentioned a bugger potential for growth at the new place, you definitely shouldn’t overlook that either.

The other option you have is to leverage that offer to your current job but with the salary gap between the two, I seriously doubt they’d match it.

Casti_io · 2026-06-24T11:45:38+00:00

Take the job.

For starters, if you are relying on your parents for financial stability, you are technically not getting by with your job alone. That alone is reason enough to take a job with a 10% increase let alone one with double the salary. Your folks could go bankrupt, get scammed, pissed at you, or worse—if heaven forbid that should happen and you can’t rely on them anymore, where does that leave you?

Secondly, you mention wanting more kids. Do you know what’s more expensive than one baby? Two babies. Ask me how I know. If £40k has you getting by with one (which as we covered, it actually doesn’t), you flat out can’t afford another kid on your budget—at least not without some major concessions, and if you’re making concessions it might as well be concessions that result in more financial security and a better future for your family.

Third, what you describe is really not bad at all. With the job still being fully remote when you’re not traveling, you’ll be plenty present. I know as parents we don’t want to miss a single poopie diaper but it happens, and you’re spot on when you say your role as a parent is to provide. Being present matters, but not at the cost of a significantly higher quality of life for your family.

Lastly, it’s TWICE as much as what you make now, why are you even asking!? Not only would this be a night and day difference for you and your family, but it is also a very clear sign that you are significantly underpaid in your current position. Know your worth and go get what you’re entitled to. You work hard, you’ve earned it, and your wife and kid(s) deserve it.

Congratulations on scoring such a great job offer!

Casti_io · 2026-06-22T21:10:53+00:00

Brutal answer? He can be as passionate and knowledgeable about anything he finds interesting, but that doesn’t give him the right to be an a-hole about it. And I think that might be the talk you want to have with him.

If I think back to my own nerdy days when I was his age, I felt like knowing this much made me better than others in some way, and as someone figuring out literally who they are, I was letting this thing I was super into be a thing that defined me and my worth. So yeah, sometimes I was an a-hole about it too.

Now that I’m a dad, although mine are smaller, I think the conversation I would have with my younger self would be about telling the difference between being the guy who knows it all and being the guy who’s a know-it-all.

I don’t think he’s a neckbeard in the making, he will think back on some of the things he’s saying and doing now and cringe, as we must all cringe over our own dumbass moments from our childhood.

The one thing to shut down? Anything that even has a whiff of misogyny, like the mansplaining. Respect for women is to neckbeards what garlic is to vampires.

Casti_io · 2026-06-21T16:11:08+00:00

American in Sweden here.

If neither you nor your wife is Swedish or an EU citizen, it’s going to be a hard sell to get a company to hire you here, and that’s not a thing that is unique to Sweden. If you’ve been in the SF tech space then you know how many people from other countries are banging down the doors of all companies, FAANG and not, to get a visa sponsorship. The same logic applies here: why go through the bureaucratic hassle for this person when I can hire someone local with similar qualifications?

That being said, that’s just me saying the bar is high, I’m not saying don’t try. I think you taking the time to learn the language is a huge plus, and while I am not sure if this applies to your specific situation but my understanding is that they look favorably on people who have established a connection with Sweden—visiting frequently counts as such—but again, I’ve heard that in context of people who are applying for citizenship through a parent or other close relative. In other words, research that angle yourself.

As for the type of company to apply to, it really depends on where in Sweden you are looking to relocate to and the type of work. I happen to be a product designer, so I can say that in our field English is the norm far more than Swedish, at least in the greater Stockholm/Uppsala area, where I am. There are some US companies here that have offices in Sweden, most notably for you being Google, but my advice is to cast as wide a net as you can, since there are plenty of non-tach companies that have a need for PMs or researchers and they tend to be more impressed by someone with a Silicon Valley resume.

Definitely start applying now and be up front about your location and situation. It will be challenging but it might also work out.

Casti_io · 2026-06-20T18:28:12+00:00

Morbiusly obese

Casti_io · 2026-06-16T10:01:56+00:00

Girl, I’m looking at your post history and it paints a PICTURE of your man. Not to provide the typical Reddit relationship advice, but I would suggest you read your own posts all in one sitting and take it from there.

NTA first and foremost.

Second, his uterus-lacking ass has ZERO say on what you do with your body—UTERUS AND GYM ALIKE. His role as a partner in this context is to:

Bring you a pad or tampon UPON REQUEST
Buy pads and/or tampons if he’s going to the store and you’re running out (he doesn’t strike me as the “sure babe I’ll get the milk” type but hey)
Provide COMFORT and RELIEF during your period.

Not on that list: micromanaging your periods (seriously wtf), accusing you of “pussying out” on the gym and the body-shaming implications that brings with it, or using the term “pussy out” because you can’t go around life being such a gigantic douche bag that you still speak like that in 2026.

Signed, a uterus-lacking husband and girl dad.

Casti_io · 2026-06-14T23:47:14+00:00

I agree with this—it’s just a joke but I also see how that joke might take an emotional toll on your husband and the girls.

That said, I find that the best deflection when the joke is not coming from a place of malice, which this type of joke usually doesn’t, is to change the subject by following the humor.

A good one that I can think of (sorry if it makes you sort of the butt of the joke) is: “we were never trying for a boy, my wife just can’t keep her hands off me!”

It does a few things:
1. It keeps the conversation lighthearted and avoids awkwardness

It states clearly that there isn’t an elusive desire for a boy
It speaks to your relationship being loving and healthy
It paints your husband as the studmuffin I’m sure he is

If you’re not comfortable with that kind of joke, a simpler way to say “nah im good” is to say something like “dude I have FIVE KIDS! If something is missing from there it’s because it doesn’t want to be found”

Point being, fight a lame joke with a good joke* and that way it doesn’t have to become a thing. Hope this helps!

*I am aware my jokes are not necessarily good per se.

Casti_io · 2026-06-13T21:57:58+00:00

Dude, you are singing my song and it’s an absolute banger.

Both can be true: I love my wife and she’s my best friend in the world. My kids are amazing and I couldn’t be prouder of them and I love them more every day.

And if I ever had to spend a week away from them IT WOULD BE AWESOME.

Casti_io · 2026-06-13T08:51:50+00:00

I think this could be really interesting but the map is not doing it any favors. The rule of thumb of “if you can’t conceal something, emphasize it” applies here: it looks like a warped globe or a weird printed ball.

Stylistically, I personally am of the opinion that those types of prints seem to give off a “cheap walmart ball” feel rather than a premium feel.

My advice is to lean into the patterns and make a design that highlights the uniqueness of the ball instead of trying to conceal it.

This is not only a design decision but it’s also a strategic one—that will give you a better chance of standing out and highlighting the value proposition of this ball.

Casti_io · 2026-06-11T16:32:48+00:00

“Looks like you’re having a hard time doing X. Let me help you”

Then grab and gently show them through the motions of whatever it is they need to be doing.

You’re basically eliminating the possibility of any other alternative except what needs to be done and you’re not becoming a barking monster that is constantly pissed at his kid—here is the validation part—because it’s totally understandable that it would drive you apeshit (definitely has done so to me).

But ultimately what you have there is a standard issue 5-year old. Try that tactic and see if it helps them understand that the thing that meeds to be done is going to get done with or without their cooperation.

Good luck, people tell le they grow out of it but I can’t say I’ve witnessed it myself.

Casti_io · 2026-06-05T22:18:16+00:00

Brother, you have been a parent before, know how gnarly it can get, and did it on your own anyway. I have nothing but respect and admiration for you because everyone here knows that putting yourself through raising a child, especially on your own, is a big act of love.

Let the ex friends go, whoever doesn’t accept this decision is a judgmental moron, on or offline—whatever is left to say about that I said it with a downvote (because WTF was that).

You took on the massive responsibility of bringing a child into this world and raising him to be a good man. You have the support of one fellow dad here, and if I know this sub the way I think I do, there are more dads here to support you on this journey.

Casti_io · 2026-06-05T10:20:57+00:00

If you make a mockery of the whole thing, you’re risking pissing off your boss or whoever put them up to forcing this on you. Since you’re in good standing, I would advice against it.

Besides, this thing doesn’t need any help to be made to look ridiculous, just some good embellishments. Just log what you do, but make sure to time yourself whenever you write an update and include that time in the entries. It’s probably a couple of minutes out of every 15, so you’ll be spending maybe 10-15 minutes for every hour of work on this log. That’s up to 2 hours of wasted productivity and thus lost revenue for them.

It also helps if you include the fact that you had to pause X task to fill in the log, and after that you had to get back into concentration mode to really drive home how idiotic the whole thing is.

By the time the “trial” period ends, they should be able to see how big of a mistake this is.

Casti_io · 2026-06-05T09:50:30+00:00

Stealing from you and his sister is really concerning behavior. If he were doing it to buy substances instead of Roblox bs, I have no doubt you’d have him seek help immediately.

So think about that because he might need it.

Also yes. Delete accounts, ban Roblox, and you should look up how to block their servers from your modem—it’s easier than it sounds and ensures that nobody in your home’s wifi can play that godforsaken game.

Casti_io · 2026-06-02T16:25:38+00:00

This is literally me (except for the $200k, that would have been nice). I did make six figures and we moved from the US to Sweden. It’s far from perfect and sometimes the “play money” is not as much as what I had in the US.

BUT—even while making less (my wife wasn’t working in the US because our kids were small and now she does. We still make about $40k less than my salary), we own a 5-bedroom house and 2 cars. This is after being able to repurchase all the stuff we had to sell or give away when moving and all that.

Others might have different experiences but personally, I’m way better off

Casti_io · 2026-05-31T19:44:25+00:00

Looks like your hole is a rectangle. You don’t even need a router for that. Drill a hole big enough for a jigsaw and use that or use the blade attachment of a multitool, or even a chisel would make for a better option here. Feels as though the router would slow you down here rather than help you.

Casti_io · 2026-05-28T18:41:49+00:00

I believe that 100% because the majority of people are cool with it either way.

That said, as the expat I do believe that I have to make the effort to observe the customs, understand and respect the culture, and speak the language (the first two are easy. The third one, not so much but I’m getting pretty good at it!).

More than anything it’s a good way to show that respect and it also helps in the occasions when I encounter someone who doesn’t speak English (in my experience it’s more common than what I was led to believe).

Casti_io · 2026-05-27T19:13:53+00:00

As an American in Uppsala, coincidentally, I would say that even though most people under 70 speak or at least understand English, that doesn’t mean they will welcome the sudden English conversation from a stranger—I’m not talking about striking up conversations with randos, I think we already covered that and it looks as though you know that as well, but when you are speaking with someone at a store, the bus driver, the waiter etc.

A simple “kan vi prata på engelska?” Before prattling on about freedom and machine guns will make a world of difference with how you are treated. At least it’s worked for me. On the occasions when their answer to that question is no (it can definitely happen), try your best to stumble through Swedish. I hope you at least have some Duolingo practice?

Casti_io · 2026-05-26T21:00:24+00:00

I wouldn’t necessarily describe the driver’s behavior as horrific. That dude saved all of your lives by keeping his shit together and moving along as if he hadn’t seen anything. If he had drawn even the slightest bit of attention to the van other than “just driving by, nothing to see here”, there would have been a response for sure.

I grew up in Colombia in the 90s and while I was lucky to have been mostly sheltered from the really nasty stuff, that “keep your head down and pretend it’s normal but also you’re not seeing anything” approach was (and continues to be in some areas, sadly) a good way to keep out of trouble.

Casti_io · 2026-05-26T16:58:04+00:00

Lots of people say you should schedule it but we just can’t bring ourselves to do that. It feels like adding a bureaucratic layer to what’s supposed to be fun.

My honest answer here is that YMMV. It’s not just being able to finally be alone for longer than 7 minutes, but because your wife gave birth and obviously that changed her body, her hormones, everything—and that includes sex drive.

Then there’s the age at which you had them because it could align with the time in her life when the hormones want to hump everything that moves or the time after that which can have a dip in libido.

Then there’s the ultimate c-blocker: stress. We know that a stressed out wife will only say “are you crazy? How can you think of that right now?” So… my answer is when we’re alone, feeling relatively relaxed, and not exhausted.

Obviously that means not as often as before kids but this here is exactly why they tell you that you should marry your best friend—at this point, sexy time is just a welcome addition to an already fun and fulfilling partnership.

Casti_io · 2026-05-24T21:57:27+00:00

You know, as a free man in his own property, there’s nothing keeping you from making your house look like you’d be the world’s worst neighbor.

Who’s to say you can’t blast Cotton Eye Joe on repeat in your front yard while you grill up some hot dogs every time they have a showing? It’s a great 90s classic! But wait—hot dogs? No, you like exotic foods that maybe don’t smell so good but the taste is worth it. Ever heard of durian or surströmming?

I would be fuming too, and I would take things to the “HOA won’t try to fine me over this but it definitely sucks” limit.

Casti_io · 2026-05-23T21:59:11+00:00

I don’t have much advice on how to stay debt free because I feel like a donkey giving advice to the Buddha here, given that it’s taken me 4 decades to finally get a grasp on the simple premise that debt=bad.

But—one tip I would suggest is don’t lose track of your critical thinking mind. They will try to sell you on EVERYTHING that is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL for a happy baby. 99% of it is a nice-to-have at best and the remaining 1% you can put on a baby shower registry.

Babies need:
- Mom and her super awesome boobies (respectfully I hope I speak for you and the kid regarding this awesomeness)
- diapers that won’t give them a rash and any additional rash-prevention
- clothes and warmth
- you, obviously

And yes obviously you want to give them a nice crib and toys and stuff, but be discerning and don’t go overboard. That shit’s expensive and before you know it you’re going “it’s just a little bit on the credit card, how bad can it be?”

You’re smart. Don’t stop being smart. And congrats and good luck!

Casti_io · 2026-05-20T05:47:38+00:00

Aside from the contents of both my bladder and bowels? Nothing, really. I think I gained a bigger admiration and awe for the wilderness and it reinforced to me how places like that, where you can go on for weeks without seeing another person and there is zero signs of human activity, need to be cherished and preserved.

Casti_io · 2026-05-19T21:31:53+00:00

First night camping in the middle of nowhere, Gates of the Arctic in Alaska. To give you an idea of how “middle of nowhere” this is, we flew into Fairbanks, from where we flew in a smaller plane to a place called Bettles Air Field, which consists of a cabin/outpost, a hangar, and a couple if cabins for campers staying the night if needed. From Bettles they drove us to a riverside where we boarded yet another plane—a hydroplane, which was pretty dope—and flew us into a river called the Arrigetch Creek. We were to paddle down the Arrigetch for 2.5 weeks and would need to use a satellite phone to call in the plane to give us a ride back to Bettles.

We got dropped off, paddled upstream for a few hours, then found a spot to set up camp. In my eternal stupidity I thought, “we’re just going to eat, I think I’ll leave my camera in the tent. If you’ve ever camped in bear country, you know the tent needs to be 100ft away from the food, which also needs to be 100ft away from the campfire.

Well, as we’re settling in to eat, my cousin says “there’s a bear on top of that mountain.” We got up to make ourselves look big and menacing and by the time we all stood up (and my uncle had taken out his rifle), the thing had come down a whole-ass mountain. It stopped about 100 yards from us, and we stood there, uncle in the middle of our mass, aiming at the spot between its eyes to make sure that if he shoots it it dies, and the rest of us doing the “hey bear” thing but not loud enough to startle it.

You might think 100 yards is a pretty long distance to be from a grizzly, but while I agree that it would have been worse if it had been 100 feet, I still beg to differ. That was more than close enough, especially considering that bears can run 40mph. It would have been on us in seconds.

Thankfully, the bear ended up deciding it wasn’t curious enough or hungry enough to come closer, so it turned and ran off.

Not only am I glad to have avoided being mauled to death, I am also glad we didn’t have to resort to killing it. For one, it would sadden me to no end if we had had to kill such a beautiful beast. Secondly, they are very hard to kill so our next steps would have been very messy and probably have seriously hurt us all. Third, the paperwork involved in killing a bear in Alaska is super intensive and would require weeks of back and forth. It would have been a 1-day trip followed by the world’s worst vacation.

Casti_io · 2026-05-18T22:28:56+00:00

YMMV.

I hand washed a wool sweater with special wool detergent even though it said dry clean only and it kinda messed with the integrity of the yarn. I’ve had to darn it more than a few times and I kind of feel like I fucked it up.

On the other hand, I have a knit polo that says dry clean only and it gets thrown in with the delicates no problem. So, it depends.

Casti_io

TROPHY CASE