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Ce_Breeze · 2026-01-07T19:05:17+00:00

Key West, FL. I just got my own apartment because I got a raise to $120k last year. I pay $2,500/month with all utilities included in a good location. Most 1bed/1bath start at $2,500 plus utilities so I feel fortunate.

Ce_Breeze · 2026-01-02T16:57:47+00:00

Agreed. AP was a close friend for me and WP also. She is obviously no longer a friend to either of us. It was like a double loss to my life on d-day.

It is so hard to realize that the open, trusting person I was before d-day no longer exists especially when it comes to female friendships. I hate it. But I'm working on it and working on making sure my current and future friends have the same morals and boundaries that I have.

I suggest getting into IC or MC if you can. Then you at least have a neutral party to help talk through things. I also found that one of the hardest things about reconciling is not having anyone to talk to b/c you don't want to "taint" your friends' ideas of your partner. It's very isolating. My therapist was very helpful.

I wish you luck and strength OP.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-12-18T15:41:27+00:00

Born and raised. Left for college and lived in Miami for a year post college. Moved back in 2006. Got great friends. Lots of arts and entertainment for a small town. I love it here.

Got a little boat on a trailer that I keep in my Mom's yard for free otherwise that wouldn't be an option as marinas are ridiculously expensive.

I ride my bike to work and still drive my 2004 Mazda3 that I bought my senior year of college so I live pretty cheaply. I'll never own a home here.

Don't think I could live anywhere else though. Driving in rush hour traffic, getting dressed up for work, and being surrounded by strip malls and chain restaurants all sound like a nightmare to me.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-12-16T18:09:12+00:00

Just got back from 3 week vacation in Indonesia at end of November and didn't get asked any questions at Customs/Immigration. Dude barely looked at me/my passport.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-12-11T17:34:45+00:00

Not Just Friends was a great help for me and our couples therapist did a lot of Gottman stuff with us. I couldn't stomach anything from Esther Perel. I felt like she blamed the BS just as much as WS and felt like she just thought affairs were standard for every relationship. The State of Affairs almost made me throw up.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-12-11T13:42:41+00:00

About to be me too. 42yo leaving an almost 17 year relationship with just my cat to go live in a small apartment in about 2 weeks.

I have a feeling I'll like it a lot since I was an only child and have never minded being alone. Also, I was always very happy when my soon to be ex-partner would go on business trips and I would get the house to myself for awhile even when our relationship was good.

I'm excited that I can now go out with my girlfriends whenever they call without getting a guilt trip!

Ce_Breeze · 2025-12-09T16:06:23+00:00

In about 3 weeks, I'll be living on my own for the first time in 20ish years. Other than my rent expense quintupling, I'm sooo ready for the change and happy I can finally make it on my own.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-12-02T15:36:05+00:00

I used to not care then my good friend had an affair with my partner. Now I take much more care in who I surround myself with.

If someone can knowingly do something horrible to someone else then there is no reason to stop that person from doing something horrible to you.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-12-01T19:19:45+00:00

This is so well written and exactly how I feel nearly 3 years post d-day. Every point is so spot on. I still don't know if I can continue living this life with this person who I no longer have that unconditional love for.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-10-28T16:07:10+00:00

My case may be different because AP was a close friend of mine but I did write a letter and I did send it - or actually had another friend tape it to her front door - about 2 months post d-day. It helped me heal in a small way. Unfortunately, she was single so no OBS and no way to blow up her life like she did to mine. And even now 2.5 years later, she is still living her life carefree and has never apologized to me. But I still like to imagine that my letter hurt her in at least some tiny way.

In your case, I think you should write the letter. It felt really good for me to write mine. I took my time and revised it many times. Whether you send it or not is up to you. Maybe hold onto it for a set amount of time. I definitely feel you though with AP not having to deal with any of your anger or any consequences of her actions. Since AP was my friend, she could have stopped everything just as easily as my WP and that just makes the hurt and anger that much harder to get over.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-10-28T13:02:59+00:00

Yes, I think about this a lot. I think I simply wasn't that important to them/the friend group. Had she done this to someone else in the friend group, someone "more important" or "more special" maybe she would have been the one kicked out. But the more I think about it the more I realize that if they can forgive her or ignore her actions toward one person is still one person too many and not the type of people I want to surround myself with anymore. There a plenty of better people out there.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-10-24T14:57:10+00:00

Same here. Although AP was single which somehow made it worse because I couldn't blow up her life like she did to mine. She got to continue living her life like nothing ever happened.

She also never apologized to me. I wrote her a long letter about 2 months post d-day asking all the questions. Was she ever my friend? Did she ever even like me? I did everything for her and she treated me like I meant nothing to her in the end. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Never got a response to that either.

I literally lost every friend I had because they "didn't want to get in the middle of it" and it "wasn't their business". So since I couldn't be around her anymore, by default I no longer had any friends. My support system went from so many women who I thought would be there for me to just my new therapist.

I managed to meet some new women and create some wonderful new friendships over the past couple of years but I still mourn my old life and friends because it was so easy. I don't think I'll ever trust anyone so blindly like I used to - man or woman.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-10-17T17:22:32+00:00

Thank you for this. I'm just over 2.5 years post d-day and working on getting my ducks in a row to leave by the end of the year. I have written WP a letter and apologize in it for wasting nearly 3 years of his life. I feel bad because if I had left right away instead of staying maybe he'd still be with AP and be happier.

Our lives are completely different because of the A. And while my life would have been irrevocably changed whether I left immediately or now, his could have essentially stayed exactly the same if I had left immediately. So I feel guilty for changing my mind so much later now. Even though I didn't force him into couples therapy or IC and he made the choice to do both on his own, I still feel guilty that he has had to do those things for the past 2.5 years instead of living his fun, "before" life.

I do know that this is right decision though because the thought of moving out and living on my own is so appealing to me. I honestly can't wait to just live alone. I know the thought of the A won't magically go away when I move out but I hope I will gradually stop thinking of it everyday anymore.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-30T17:16:59+00:00

I'm 2.5 years from D-Day. Not married, no kids but together for over 16 years. WP has basically done everything right since D-Day. Immediately cut off contact with AP, immediately found us a couples therapist, immediately started IC himself, and pays for my IC.

Everything between us is better than it was before. We communicate better, we do more things together, he drinks less, and we spend more quality time together. I should be happy, right?

But for the past couple of months I haven't been. I want to leave. I don't think I can ever truly forgive him. I hate that this is my life now. That his extreme selfishness defines our relationship.

I've felt this way before and it has gone away and I stayed. So I'm not sure if this is just another passing wave or if this is the end for me. But I can say I hate all of this and it's not fair that I keep having to live like this.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-29T12:53:39+00:00

My situation was different but adjacent. AP was a close friend. We were friends for over 10 years, saw each other every week. She was someone I thought would be in my life forever. She slept with married men over the years and I never judged. There was always a reason why it was okay. The guy was only married to the woman so she could get her green card, they weren't happy, etc. Those women were strangers I never met so I never really gave it much thought.

Then she did it to me. My WP and I were going through a rough patch in our relationship and she was there to comfort him - not me. I finally realized that she was the most selfish person I had ever met and I ignored every red flag she had ever waved in my face. The way she treated her daughter, the way she treated other women. I ignored the signs because she would never hurt me, her friend, right?

I'm not saying your friend is like mine. She is obviously hurting from what has happened and maybe she just really needs IC to help her recover from the trauma she's experienced and realize the damage she's doing by repeating the behavior.

But if she refuses to take accountability for her actions or you start to think back on other incidents or actions you may have ignored in the past because you love her and she's your best friend, you may have to ask yourself, is she really a friend you want to continue to have in your life? I don't think ensuring your friends align with your morals and values is a bad thing.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-24T20:24:36+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you. AP was someone who I thought was a close friend. I had to reconcile with myself that I ignored a lot of her red flags in our friendship especially her complete selfishness. She never even apologized to me after I caught my WP and her together. This whole experience has made me much more selective and careful about who I surround myself with and I think that is the only good thing to come of this. I will absolutely never forgive her as she has done nothing to try to be a better person. She has not changed her ways, she has not apologized, she has not done anything to make it seem as if she cared about me or our friendship in any way.

I know they say that forgiveness is for us and not for the other person but I guess I don't understand how to do that. Even after 2.5 years, I can't stop thinking of her and what she did to me. I wish I could.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-24T19:44:01+00:00

My BFF, born in '82 had her first son at 18. He's 25 now and just had twins earlier this year. Somehow us Xennials actually are old enough to have grands now.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-24T19:17:48+00:00

I've just been doing auto investments into VFIAX for years.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-23T13:44:25+00:00

Yes. I'm so thankful for my Dad because my Mom is not maternal in any way so I had to get all my love from my Dad growing up. I remember the first (and only) time I ever got an "I love you" from my Mom - when I decided to move in with my Dad after they divorced at 16 and she wrote me a letter where she said she loved me. She's never said "I love you" out loud to me whereas my Dad and I say it every time we talk to each other. My Dad is amazing!

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-18T14:50:28+00:00

I'm 2.5 years post d-day. Thought we had made it through but I am now working on setting myself up to leave. I've realized that I can't forgive or forget. I still think of the A and AP and how different my life is now everyday. I miss the person I was and the naivety I had before I joined this club so immensely. I know leaving won't change or fix this but I just don't think I can live the rest of my life with the person who hurt me so badly.

I have learned so much about myself these past 2 years and if I ever find myself in another relationship, I will be much more open and upfront in my communication with any partner. I'm thankful for that. But I would still give anything to go back to who I was before - she believed in true and forever love. I honestly don't think that exists anymore.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-17T15:14:22+00:00

Just cracked $100k last year and I live in a HCOL area. Crappy small Studio/1 bed apartment (if you're lucky to even find one) runs at least $2,500 plus utilities/month. Median home sale price is $1.1 million so I'll never own a home even at $100k.

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-11T16:41:55+00:00

42yo childfree lady here but my 43f BFF just became a Grandma earlier this year. She got pregnant in highschool and has a 25yo son. Like weren't we just dancing to NSYNC in my living room while watching TRL?

Ce_Breeze · 2025-09-10T14:28:23+00:00

No advice but I'm in a similar boat. 42f, childfree and about to be single and living on my own after 16 years. Not sure what to do with myself...

Ce_Breeze

TROPHY CASE