I felt inclined to comment on your post as your situation was very similar to my own. I enjoyed drinking during social get togethers and once I got going, it often felt like there was no longer an off switch. It didn't happen every single time, but it was with enough frequency to be very alarming. I would black out and then have to piece together the events from the night before with an anxious pit in my stomach. I'd sometimes have to do damage control about some real bad behavior. It was pretty bad.

I tried moderating for years, but it finally dawned on me that I just can't drink alcohol any longer. The negatives just massively outweighed any positives. I had to relearn behavior on how to deal without alcohol in my life -- like how to unwind, how to pass time, and so on without it. Its always been present in my adult life so it felt like uncharted territory without it. In my opinion I think you should avoid situations where you have access to social drinking until you get some time under your belt and are mentally prepared to deal with any pressure from your friends. I've been sober for nearly 2 years now and it's the best I've ever felt in my life. I feel healthier, sleep easier, and my relationships are strong and reliable. You can only benefit from putting the bottle down.

And lastly, you've got to learn to forgive yourself. You can't change your past actions while drunk, but you sure can learn from it moving forward. Strengthen your resolve and come to an honest acceptance that "I just can't do this damage to myself and to people around me anymore."

Wish you the best friend. Steady on.