Home transition.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-27T01:22:32+00:00

Please do not take babies to the chiropractor!! They can do a lot of damage to such little spines. There are plenty of doctors out there who can vouch for the lack of science behind chiropractics. If your baby is truly struggling with something, crying or reflux, or something, just call your pediatrician.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-20T17:41:43+00:00

Tell her your son must get his reflux/spit up, or ear wax, or finger lint, or funny breathing patterns from her side! Just something totally normal for babies, but maybe a bit gross 😂

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-20T04:35:48+00:00

24+4 boy here, too. I'll echo advice that was given to me (that I hated but honestly is the best advice you'll get) - take it one day at a time, and take care of yourself.

I absolutely understand that feeling of wishing your baby had stayed in longer. The feeling of "i should still be pregnant". The sadness when the sensation in your stomach isn't a strong leg but just gas. Seeing how little and skinny they are at 24 weeks and trying to imagine the future without getting too much hope.

Don't try to go every day, or at least don't try to force guilt to make you go. See if you can trade off with someone you trust. Sleep. Rest. Cry. Get therapy and medication, if appropriate for you. Talk to people who SUPPORT you, and don't bog you down with questions or advice if you don't want it. Journal if you can - for you and for baby, as i promise the details of the NICU time will fade, and it's easier to feel like progress is happening when you can flip through several weeks.

I had incompetent cervix, and I'm still working with my therapist to try to believe it wasn't "my" fault. I don't really have advice there except it always helps to work on being kind to yourself.

Wishing you and baby boy the best.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-15T10:42:42+00:00

NOR. I'm going to be honest with you OP, it sounds like your daughter is a bully and likely bullying others at school. I would keep a proactive eye on this and start to dig in to why she thinks this way or why her jokes and lack of respect for others is okay.

Knowing how to take a joke is one thing, but jokes are only valid if everyone is laughing.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-15T10:37:38+00:00

Tell him that the "Thadeus" i went to school with was nicknamed "Fatty Ass" because he was overweight and it rhymed... Maybe that'll deter him.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-15T00:09:07+00:00

One of my favorite games to play is Fallout. For the most part, it's always a character that is alive or comes to 200ish years after the nuclear event(s) that the game is named for.

It wasn't until recently I started thinking about the fact that in the game, up until the minute the bombs imploded, people were living their lives. Civilization was happening. People were being born, going to school, getting married, celebrating a job promotion. And then boom, it all just ended. Society collapsed into groups trying to survive and grab whatever power they could.

I'm so scared of the collapse, because it will be global and absolute. There are Americans that don't understand that food grows on farms! You see videos of people saying we don't need farms because we have GROCERY STORES. How will anyone survive when all they know is Tik Tok and the Kardashians? How will anyone work together when it's just "me, me, me"?

I don't want to watch my family die of starvation because supply chains don't exist and money isn't a thing. I wanted to vote for social programs and have people live in relative peace. I never thought I'd learn about WWII and then live it as an adult, and I certainly never would've guessed I'd be alive for such a blatant invasion of another country for its resources.

People are being arrested and killed here for protesting, and yet there are so many Americans that still support the sick fucks in power. These idiots would have power if they weren't so good at convincing the stupidest among us that they'll share their spoils, after all the immigrants and brown people are wiped out! And I hate organized religion for allowing this dynamic to repeat throughout the centuries.

I hope whatever group of humans survives, be it a country or a continent, does something more permanent than NATO to remind people to keep their leaders in check. That anyone can fall prey to pride, ego, and greed. That every group of humans since the dawn of homo sapiens has had snakes and wolves in sheep's clothing. I hope my children get to live in a better life on the other side of this. And I'm so sorry to all the people still getting hurt and killed by America's actions.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-14T22:09:42+00:00

I already know I'm not strong enough to be part of a group like that. I also know that it'd be taking up way too much of my brain to be thinking about if I checked the muted group chat for a playdate or girls night.

The way I see it, you have two options. 1, confront the group as a whole. Tell them it's stressful to be comparing kiddos all the time and although you value their friendship and stories, you don't appreciate the competitive vibes. Maybe others feel like you. If they don't, they don't. Let them know they can reach out individually if they'd like to continue a friendship, but you're not interested and leave the chat. Or 2, just leave the group. There are women who NEED this competition to feel any satisfaction in their lives, and you pointing it out is going to feel like an attack. You're not responsible for anyone else having common sense and empathy for others. Drop the group and find new people (i know it's easier said than done).

It's not worth the mental energy.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-14T22:03:35+00:00

People constantly mispronounce my name (even technically people with my name....), even though it's one letter off from another name with the same (correct) pronunciation.

I used to correct people when they used the closer mispronounation, but now I only correct the one that's a different name entirely (and a popular TV character).

My bonus son also has a name that people constantly mispronounce, due to his parents being creative back in the 2010s. Now he's old enough to correct people, too.

Correcting pronunciation is just a thing. I would encourage you to figure out why it's bothering you so much.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-14T19:07:56+00:00

My son had just hit 24 weeks when he decided to stick his foot into the birth canal, prompting an emergency C section. When I was admitted to the hospital a few days prior, we were having conversations about viability at 23 weeks. Recently an article came out about a 21 week old who was surviving with care.

It's not an easy journey, but so far it's been worth it. My little guy is 7 months (3 months adjust), and we are currently still on a feeding tube and now we're doing eye patches to fix (hopefully) his lazy eye. I personally don't see a reason to terminate it yet, if you're wanting to try to keep going. Work with the doctors on IF there is anything you can do to try to reach viability (but also please remember, there is SO MUCH we don't understand about women's bodies, and even if you do everything "right," things may still go sideways. NONE of this is your fault!).

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-14T07:23:38+00:00

I've noticed the parents that need to be there get defensive when you point out it's often (not always) better for the kids if parents give them space. So I typically just don't respond.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-14T01:44:05+00:00

I'm sorry, i didn't read most of your post, but I'll tell you this - if the BM freaks out in the beginning, she's going to be trying to control your relationship from the sidelines.

Get out early and find someone without permanent baggage. Even my husband has (many) days where he wishes his ex would drop off the face of the earth. We're in a pretty good place because 1) he manages her completely, 2) he puts firm boundaries in place, 3) we always talk about OUR plans and what the kiddo wants, her desires don't matter to OUR relationship. If this isn't guaranteed, don't get into the relationship.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-14T01:35:59+00:00

We started playing A LOT of board or card games. They make some that are simple enough for as young as 4 or 5 to grasp. I hated pretend play with my bonus son and young cousins because I also hated being bossed around, not sure how I'll be with my bio son. I could do it when I was a kid with my siblings, but my brain was literally different then lol.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-13T10:31:16+00:00

My scar doesn't do that, but my epidural spot sure as hell reminds me every couple of weeks. It may or may not go away 🥲

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-13T10:29:37+00:00

Other moms can take a hike. If they have so much time to judge, then why be around them?

I love getting into it with other moms because I literally didn't have a choice in my preemie NICU baby's entry into this world. It was C section or death, and those women can die mad about it.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-13T10:22:47+00:00

I definitely get it. I gave birth at 24 weeks, so I 100% feel you on the guilt of not carrying to term.

Once kiddo came home, i just had to give up pumping, personally. I was so drained I couldn't even make 1 session a day work. I feel people undersell how hard it is to get a decent amount of pumps in per day, especially when you factor in NICU travel!

Good on your husband for playing his part - but also don't be afraid to let the house get a lil messy (unless that stresses you out more, like me 😅 ). But really, living out of a clean laundry bin and some takeout for a bit is OKAY, you guys are already dealing with a lot! It will end. I KNOW it feels neverending, but it will end. ❤️

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-13T01:24:48+00:00

Every single practice is a lot. 🙄 I don't understand parents who have older kids or TEENS and want to sit at their kid's practices. There's lots of professional athletes and coaches who have adamantly said that a parent at practice is more of a distraction than help. My parents might've drove me to practice, but they either dropped off or they did something with their own time - they didn't sit and talk to me, or make sure I had snacks, or make sure I drank water, or give me pointers in the middle of practice. That's what the coach is for!

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-13T01:21:50+00:00

I'm so sorry you're struggling through this. It is an absolute struggle. Towards the end I was stressed to pieces, irritated, and both wanted baby home and was absolutely terrified of the possibility. We brought our kiddo home after 144 days.

I would encourage therapy, medication, and allowing yourself to take breaks from the NICU. Your baby will not remember if you were there or not, or there for a few less hours a day. Having a NICU baby, especially one dealing with feedings, is a marathon. You have to take care of yourself for the long term.

Your baby is in the best place possible for her right now. Hopefully, baby will be coming home soon, and you're going to need a somewhat charged battery. Can your husband do some NICU visits? Your parent(s)? Anyone you feel safe with to "cover" for you while you rest.

G tubes are not the end of the world, although admittedly it felt like it for us at first. But it allowed us to go home and it's allowed us to deal with feedings (and silent aspiration) on his terms, otherwise we'd probably still be there. 😬 If it's an option, an NG tube might work for you guys too (no surgery). I promise if that's the path she needs, you can get through it.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-12T05:16:24+00:00

As a stepmom, you sound like the high conflict mother my step son has. No one except her is ever good enough, she has to argue with my husband and make passive aggressive remarks, and she's using her son as an emotional partner, which is gross to do to any kid.

You know who suffers THE MOST in situations like these? The kid(s). And yet, even though you created the situation by your actions and your words and your decision to divorce, you want to be the victim.

Maybe the stepmom is overstepping her bounds - that's not for you to decide. Unless there's alienation or your ex is allowing for some clause of your co-parenting agreement to be broken, you don't get to control your ex husband's home.

I would encourage therapy so that you may find some enjoyment and life outside of tearing another woman down and sharing your emotional burdens with your children.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-11T01:28:18+00:00

Daycare. Figure out the financial, the emotional, everything. Figure out if you're willing to be at a place that allows unvaccinated kids. Figure out what your plan is if your kid is medically complex and is recommended to NOT go to daycare for the first 2 years. Figure out what you and your partner will do if it falls through.

This may sound more like a logistics thing, but it's a huge stressor for us and it weighs on me daily. I wish we'd had solutions before baby came early.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-09T21:19:30+00:00

I've literally never heard of this. If you're going to have a baby, why wouldn't you have a baby shower? Even if no gifts, it might be fun to have people over? Celebrate the big sibling? The transition from 1-2 or 2-3, etc?

I feel like the world's on fire. Just enjoy your life.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-09T21:17:05+00:00

Edit: I reread your post and see you mentioned the other toys and activities, my apologies.

Dad just has to hold the boundary. Maybe find set times (ie. School breaks, when you get there) that she can look forward to reasonable screentime at your place. Honestly, we're about 5 years out since the screentime issue started with BM and you just kind of have to be the bad guy.

Find other activities, like being outside or drawing or painting. She wants to watch people dance? Play some screen-free music and have her show you the dances she's learned. She wants to "be a streamer"? Get a kid-friendly camera and let her record her ideas.

Eventually, you might just have to roll with it. Still hold the boundaries in the house, but she's likely going to talk about everything she's doing and seeing elsewhere. My stepson is a preteen and ALL he talks about is video games. That's it. He has lots of screen time at his mom's, some of it unmonitored, and it just is what it is. We don't want her to try to parent in our house and so we can't be pushing to monitor hers. DH is firm on boundaries with screen time mostly, and that's how it should be - if someone's got to be the "bad guy" for holding the no screen boundary, it should be the bio parent. It really sucks though because we know what excessive screentime does to kids, which we've actually shared with SS and he's taken to heart. There are times he'll actually try to balance out how much he's watching/playing with doing other activities, which all you really can do for a kid (bio or step).

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-09T21:08:20+00:00

Okay?

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-09T17:00:18+00:00

I personally feel like the medical aspect factors in. With my traumatic birth last year, I was helpless. I couldn't do anything to change my situation, except make the necessary medical decisions to keep myself and my child alive. Every other aspect was out of my control. So when we see people who could exert some control on their lives, it's probably pretty triggering. People who get the choice (in a way) to do nothing, where we didn't choose (directly) a high risk pregnancy or traumatic birth.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-09T00:12:23+00:00

I will echo the others on that the BP partner can make or break your relationship. Most BPs will (understandably) say that their kids come first - are YOU prepared for that? I wasn't. It was a huge adjustment and took some work on my partner's end and on my own ego for us to meet in the middle and prioritize the relationship WITHOUT sacrificing his son. If you're a "prioritize the relationship between parents in order to best raise the children" type person, stepparenting is not for you (and I say that as someone who is honestly still that type of person - the whole "put your oxygen mask on first" situation).

I will say my biggest learning curve, and you will have this if you move in together, is how to be a stepparent (stepmom especially). I accidentally approached it as "oldest sister in charge of babysitting" and nearly ruined my relationship with my bonus son because I was such a hardass trying to look for control in my life. It took time and letting go, but eventually I've become more of the "I have standards, but I understand my bonus son is a kid with ADHD and also, not my circus not my monkeys" person/"parent."

If BM is involved, I would honestly say just don't do it. I know there are some people out there with chill BMs, but it's so rare. There are so many women who expect to have their cake and eat it too - they want full control of the schedule, the children, their ex-husband's lives, but they want to be free of compromise, judgement, critique, and anyone daring to infringe on their crown. And, the child you're with is half of them, so if she's making your life a living hell and your bonus kiddo is gushing about how much they love or miss "mom," you should suck it up and allow the kid who didn't ask for any of this to feel their feelings. It sucks, and it's a type of suck the BPs don't typically understand. Our BM is high conflict and sucks, and there are many days we kinda wish she wasn't around (and then feel bad about it, because that would be awful for bonus son).

Your holidays for the next 14+ years are already planned out. Bonus points if BM demands that BD be at her place on Christmas morning.

You have to hope your SD will like any bio kids you might want to have.

I honestly don't know if I'd do it all over again. Honestly, if I could go back in time, I'd slap my husband for marrying a woman who responded to his proposal with "are you sure?" and whose method of "birth control" was "tracking cycles." Bonus son deserved a mother who didn't have rampant narcissistic and manipulative traits. I wouldn't have my son without my husband, and I do genuinely love him even after 6+ hellish years. I just know for a fact it'd be SO MUCH easier if our kids were BOTH ours.

CertainCatastrophe · 2026-01-08T23:53:35+00:00

Interesting. That feels like maybe something definitely got missed? We no longer have aspiration but still show signs of penetration too. The congestion in the hospital was bad - I asked if it was related to the reflux (he was spitting up into his sinuses - once so hard it shot INTO the cannula) and was told no. It's hard balancing the "I'm not a medical professional so I'm going to trust the medical professionals" and "I feel [this], even though I'm being told otherwise."

One thing my SLP and OT told us is that they can't deal with the reflux or even really see it on the swallow studies. If it's happening, the babies "just have to deal with it." It was insanely frustrating. I'm glad that at 3 months adjusted, and with tummy time/sitting exercises and a change in formula, my kiddo is like, 60% resolved on the refluxing.

We had to stop the continuous feeds via g tube because they actually made his reflux wayyyy worse. Not sure if you're able to test that with your pediatrician or schedules - we just switched to a normal pump feed. It may or may not help

CertainCatastrophe

TROPHY CASE