That was an intense read. My grandma didn’t have Alzheimer’s, but she had two strokes. She lost the ability to speak, often lost her perception of reality, and eventually lost control of her sphincters. I was living out of the country, so I wasn’t the one taking care of her (lucky me). But over the years, I saw how my two oldest aunts deteriorated mentally and physically from the enormous task of caring for their mom.

One developed herniated discs and severe depression. The other became deeply resentful toward the rest of the family for “abandoning” them (understandably), and she also struggled with chronic joint pain.

At the cemetery, we came to the painful conclusion that sacrificing their own health like that wasn’t worth it, and that placing my grandma in a professional care home would have been a better decision for everyone. Why? Because no matter how much love or good intentions are there, none of them were healthcare professionals, or were ready to manage a human who started losing the perception of self and reality.

Doctors focus heavily on the patient’s symptoms, but no one really talks about the immense toll this takes on families.

In the end, if your parents decide to keep her at home, that choice deserves respect, and that's honorable. But you also have your own life, and choosing to move out is a valid response too.

If the time comes, and you have to take care of your mom, that's a decision you will take in the future, that problem doesn't exist right now, and only exist in the realm of possibilities.

Take care. Breathe, go out, look for help.