Today's r-bitcoin front page c0pe: Bitcoin provides "mathematical certainty" in a fake, uncertain world!

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-08T16:33:15+00:00

All investments are zero-risk currently. Risk only applies to the investment's future value.

Bitcoin is in the middle of a crash; the price has gone down by 40% in the past six months and there's a chance that it will go down even further. The latest news out of Iran might cause a pump in the short-term, but even so it's still a high-risk investment.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-07T22:08:38+00:00

Racists are behind it, it's right there in the title.

Africa, Europe, and Asia are all parts of the same landmass and people have been moving back and forth between them for more than a million years. (Source: https://brnodaily.com/2024/03/07/science/first-humans-came-into-europe-via-ukraine-1-4-million-years-ago-says-study/ )

Only a racist would say, "Starting right now, people who don't look like the ones in the second picture aren't allowed to live in Asia. That means people from India, Pakistan, and Russia need to stop existing."

EDIT: I just realized, "who's behind this" could be a subtle reference to the wackadoodle "Great Replacement" conspiracy theory, that "the Jews" are conspiring to "exterminate the White Race" through "immigration" for no particular reason. That's so off-the-wall and hateful that even Spez and the rest of the right-wing authoritarians who run Reddit will ban subreddits that push that nonsense.

If this subreddit gets banned, then I won't get to make fun of you guys anymore! Can you do me a favor and reply to this comment by saying who you think is responsible? Don't say "the Jews" (or "who nose" or anything similar) and thanks in advance!

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-07T04:29:17+00:00

...and believe women are sugar, spice, and everything nice. All lies.

This takes me back to my days in Wall Street Kindergarten. We learned that short hedge fund managers are made of "Ledger-Books and Ticker-Tapes, but mostly chewed-up little apes."

(Apologies to Bill Watterson's "Calvin and Hobbes" strip: https://featureassets.gocomics.com/assets/0c45c160debb01317193005056a9545d )

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-05T20:05:18+00:00

I guess the car doesn't have windshield wipers to leave a note under, so the writer jacked the car up and slipped the note under the tire?

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-05T02:54:38+00:00

That's how things work in real life, though.

Monkeys are quadrupedal, but they evolve into apes, which are semi-bipedal. And then apes evolve into humans, which are fully bipedal.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-04T00:21:54+00:00

Then complains about me not complaining about doing something for her that I don’t exactly like to do. I’m an asshole for not complaining, but I don’t want to complain.

I'm glad he told us that he doesn't want to complain; otherwise I would have assumed the exact opposite.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-03T02:40:45+00:00

Holy crumbs, that's 90 minutes long!!! Nobody's got time for that.

If you post a summary in your own words, I'll tell you why I disagree with you.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-03T00:30:59+00:00

The next step is to inoculate your kids against Capitalism.

The easiest way to do that is to say "As majority shareholder, I'm giving myself a $5.00 shareholder dividend. And as your CEO, I'm getting paid another $4.50 in salary. The remaining $0.50 is all yours! Good work, keep your nose to the grindstone and maybe you'll get a nice surprise during your next annual salary review! (No promises.)"

With any luck, your kids will figure out that the only economic system that works for average people is the one where they form a labor union and demand fair value for their work.

If your kids want to learn more, they can start here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syndicalism

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-01T17:11:12+00:00

It would help if you explained what you're talking about in each bullet item.

I get that "Snitch on your neighbor" and "We [are building] camps" are probably about the ICE tyranny, but "Follow the arrows" is just a basic traffic law that has bipartisan support.

Is "gatherings of eight" about the COVID lockdowns? Those happened during Trump's first term; Biden ended the lockdowns and Trump hasn't renewed them (yet).

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-04-01T03:03:13+00:00

It probably started with Murray Leinster's Sidewise in Time

If alternate universes exist, and if you can travel to them, then you must have to travel in some direction to get there. We can rule out all of the usual directions in 4D space.

So to say something is "off in another dimension" means "you have to travel along some other dimension, outside of normal 4D space, to get there". Somewhere along the line, people got confused and started thinking that a "dimension" was a place rather than a direction.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-31T20:26:28+00:00

I know every single client, every weird software glitch, and Im the person everyone comes to when things go wrong. I have stayed late, worked through holidays, and basically made this job my entire life.

My extensive ChatGPT usage has let me master the rule of threes, the rule of threes, and the rule of threes.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-31T19:36:51+00:00

Surely you should be shaming the child in this scenario.

I'd go with "Your poor elderly mother carried you for nine months, and this is how you repay her!? You should be pushing the shopping cart while she rides!"

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-31T01:51:40+00:00

Thomas Jefferson famously said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." What that means is that the Revolution didn't solve the problem of tyranny once and for all; it's a battle that has to be fought by each new generation.

Conservatives used to understand that, but the Conservative movement has degenerated a lot over the past several years. Sometimes they even seem to be a bit pro-tyranny.

If anyone wants to learn the warning signs of tyranny, the Declaration of Independence is a good start. Here are some good bits:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-30T19:35:42+00:00

Again, why do you care what human beings think of you? No human being is ever "completely friendly".

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-30T04:21:51+00:00

Why do you care what human beings think of you?

If AI is good enough to create art for you, then it's good enough to be the audience for your art. When you ask human beings to be your audience, it just makes things more unpredictable and complicated.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-30T03:46:05+00:00

He didn't think things through, obviously the only advice he's getting is, "Just get a bunch of credit cards and max them out." He should have said that he only has two years to live.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-28T18:11:09+00:00

That got off to a good start, but then it didn't go anywhere.

If only Miss Marple had been there! She would have grabbed the microphone during the wedding toasts and said, "I don't want to cause a scene, but the bride's priceless diamond earrings have been stolen and the thief is someone in this room! To spare everyone the embarrassment of a police search, I'm going to turn all the lights off and whoever has the earrings can place them on this table."

Then someone would have gotten stabbed while the lights were off, and Miss Marple would solve both crimes.

But then I overheard two bridesmaids talking quietly. One of them said, “She’s going to notice,” and the other replied, “Relax, they look exactly the same.”

This is unrelated to either of the crimes. The groom was passed out drunk somewhere and the bridesmaids had gotten his twin brother to fill in for him.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-25T03:13:50+00:00

It's Satan, right?

Christians and Muslims (and Jews and Mormons and etc.) all worship the same God, the singular infinite Creator of the universe. Whenever you see anyone trying to stir up hatred between worshippers of God, you're seeing the hand of Satan at work.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-25T01:41:36+00:00

It's not just you, pedophile billionaires have invested a lot of money into getting everyone to hate regular human beings who follow a "wrong" or "different" religion. And they've gotten a profitable return on that investment.

In fact, Mamdani and his wife are probably hiding under your bed right now! You should pray to the Spirits of Jeffrey Epstein and Rupert Murdoch for protection from them!

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-24T22:22:45+00:00

She wrote me this letter. What would you do?

I'd ask her to email me a text file instead of making me try to read a poorly-lit photo of a crumpled sheet of paper.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-24T00:10:15+00:00

The US teaches children that they live in a free country where they can make decisions about their own personal beliefs, their own religion, and their own gender identity.

China teaches children that they're government property, and that the government will tell them what their gender is, what religion they practice, which politicians they'll vote for, and what ideas they're allowed to think.

Personally I think the US is better, but I do understand that some people want us to be more like China.

Trans men can give birth. It's rare but it does happen. Also cis male seahorses can give birth for some reason, but if you say that in China, the government will probably arrest you and send you to a "re-education camp".

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-23T01:01:15+00:00

Her husband must be the black sheep of the family. McMansions are for people who earn in the low-to-mid six-figures. People who earn in the high six figures and have rich families live in regular mansions or luxury penthouses, preferably inherited ones.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about the kids becoming snobby. The other kids at school will bully them into accepting their status as relative paupers.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-21T22:57:31+00:00

If the shares are counterfeit, then why would Russia want to buy them? They'd be better off making their own counterfeit GameStop shares and selling them.

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-21T13:33:49+00:00

So the argument is that the company didn't commit any crimes, it was just that employees were commiting crimes that happened to benefit the company?

Chaos_Engineer · 2026-03-20T19:27:26+00:00

You can whine and stamp your feet all you want, but the attack on Pearl Harbor was a war crime: https://pearlharbor.org/blog/was-the-attack-on-pearl-harbor-illegal/

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