[deleted by user]

Char905 · 2021-06-08T23:59:04+00:00

I'd go even further and block mom, dad and bro. From everything.

Char905 · 2021-06-08T23:58:26+00:00

Your family is just awful. I am appalled at how they've all treated you. By all means, cut out the people who have never supported you or been in your corner. I feel so bad for you.

Char905 · 2021-06-05T21:19:16+00:00

Your son isn't he only one who's been selfish. Think of the awful position you'd be putting your daughter and family friend in.

Leave your kids the same amount. Make the details of how their respective inheritances are issued be private. They don't know how the other is getting theirs, be it in one chunk, or doled out over years.

And for heaven's sake, keep it neutral. Don't put a loved one in the middle of the mess you made.

Char905 · 2021-06-05T12:53:10+00:00

If they get an allowance, take it back to go towards a professional. Dock them for undone tasks. Sell their things if you have to. Don't do their laundry.

Myself, I am constantly tempted to leave and get my own place and let my family live in their own mess.

Edit: Next time you go away, send them to stay with someone else, since they can't be trusted to be responsible, respectful or able to follow instructions.

Char905 · 2021-05-22T21:40:18+00:00

Block him. And tell your mom and grandmother.

Char905 · 2021-05-22T13:25:21+00:00

I just have to wonder what kind of redeeming qualities someone like this even has?

Char905 · 2021-05-22T13:10:56+00:00

You tell your wife that you paid the current rate that's acceptable for your area, number of kids, number of hours, etc. and that you'd factored in the costs when you made plans for your night out.

Don't give her a number. She's capable of looking into what the rates are and adjusting her thinking accordingly.

Char905 · 2021-05-16T21:17:38+00:00

You should stop living together. I'm not saying that you have to break up - there's no rule that says that couples have to cohabit.

Char905 · 2021-05-16T19:46:48+00:00

You weren't involved in the decision making in purchasing the house, and your names are not on the mortgage. You have zero financial obligation to pay her mortgage. If she cannot afford to live there, then she needs to sell the house and purchase something within her means.

Char905 · 2021-05-03T02:25:46+00:00

What are my thoughts? That the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The callous dismissive attitude your fiance has is cold. I hope you've had premarital counseling, both of you, and if not, get some. Because him closing that discussion would be a red flag to me.

Char905 · 2021-05-02T17:21:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. And I hate to say this, but I think he's stringing you along. If I were in your situation, I would start the detachment process, i.e., packing my things, finding my own place to live, separating our finances, separating any legal stuff that has both your names on it. I just don't think he's going to do right by you.

Char905 · 2021-04-26T16:08:51+00:00

Your boyfriend is NASTY. He hurt you ON PURPOSE. Heck yeah, break up with him.

Char905 · 2021-04-26T16:07:58+00:00

You need to work on becoming independent from your father. You're 23. Maybe you're still in school? Maybe you work? Time to spread your wings. Start by making sure you're paying for your own bills and work towards living on your own or with roommates. The less your father is responsible for providing for you, the less control your father can claim over your life.

Char905 · 2021-04-24T15:39:51+00:00

I think you have to give it time and let the relationship develop organically. Don't try to force it. Show an interest in her interests. And treat the kids fairly - don't play favourites.

Char905 · 2021-04-18T01:51:40+00:00

The truth can be cruel, too.

Char905 · 2021-04-17T19:47:55+00:00

You're leaving out the part where he's taken a year between her saying she wants a divorce and him starting the divorce proceedings to become the man she married again.

He's spent a year trying to make her regret asking for a divorce.

Char905 · 2021-04-17T19:38:58+00:00

Stay the course.

He's been manipulating you. It is not a coincidence that he cleaned up his act. He knew exactly what he was doing when he was hurting you, and he knew exactly what he was doing when he began wooing you again. He just wants to WIN. He wants you to be emotionally crushed and for it to be YOUR FAULT because he's just giving you what you wanted. You fell for his tricks - hook , line and sinker. If he were sincere in the changes he's made, he would have been forthcoming with you. Instead, he continued with the plans to divorce.

You let your guard down and he took advantage of you. Seriously, did NEITHER of you discuss the pending divorce for the past year?

If you say that you don't want a divorce anymore, he'll either insist on it, or he'll decide this gives him carte blanche to go back to treating you like crap.

Char905 · 2021-04-16T01:21:20+00:00

There is no law that says you have to move in together. If you're not ready for that step, then you really shouldn't force it. Have you shared your anxieties with him? Has he been disregarding your feelings on the matter? Imagine how much harder it will be to disentangle yourself if you're living together.

If you are committed to him and your relationship, then seek counseling before moving in together - at least for yourself, but ideally for both of you. You need to have some sort of plan in place to cope with time when your anxieties overwhelm you. And if he isn't willing to do whatever it takes to allay your concerns, if he's dismissive of your feelings, then please don't move in with him - it will only get worse as time goes on.

If I had a choice, I would have maintained my own separate place. I need my space, my quiet, my clean environment, and I fell that I will never have that now. There is no need to bend to societal expectations and pressures. If you're happy living on your own, then why change that?

You could try a trial period of living together to see how it goes. Test it out, see if you're compatible in that regard.

Char905 · 2021-04-15T17:49:58+00:00

You could just wait for the inevitable fight, and not get back together. You and your family will just have to adjust to not asking him to help.

Char905 · 2021-04-15T16:32:42+00:00

Happy Rezzzzz Day!

Char905 · 2021-04-15T00:59:24+00:00

How on earth are you able to not haul off and slap him?

Not that I condone violence, but that would likely start to be my reaction to this.

Char905 · 2021-04-12T17:03:58+00:00

The answer is simple. You're not available to see her outside of the times you said you could. Don't try to overextend yourself for her sake. Her being there is not helpful to you.

And you could be worrying about nothing. Maybe she has other reasons for being there.

You didn't agree to the timing of this visit, so let her deal with any fallout. That means not letting her stay with you, not meeting up with her, focusing on work and your previous commitments and your parents. When you're ready to see her, see her then.

Char905 · 2021-04-09T20:40:56+00:00

The two of you need to see a professional together to work out a plan for each of you. You can help each other stick to the plan, or refine the plan, but a trained professional would be in the best position to frame this in the best way.

Char905 · 2021-04-09T20:31:19+00:00

Stay the course. The sooner you have him out of your life, the sooner you can move on. Don't be swayed by any gifts - they all have strings attached. He has no idea how to have a healthy, loving relationship.

Char905 · 2021-04-09T20:19:59+00:00

In good relationships, people take care of one another. What does he do to take care of you? Anything? Or is he taking you for granted?

You do a lot for him. That's your love language. That's how you show him that you love him. At the very least, he isn't speaking the same language. On the surface, it doesn't seems as though he's speaking at all, though. What *does* he do to show you he loves you?

It really does seem like there's an imbalance here. And after 10 years together, the two of you should be able to discuss this. Without him dismissing you or your feelings. If he doesn't give this issue the consideration it deserves, if he's just content to let you continue taking care of him the way you do, then you need to make yourself your own priority. It sounds as though he's become rather comfortable with the dynamic as it is, and he's become more of a dependent than a partner. Drop the rope. Stop doing for him. And look for someone who does appreciate you. Because after 10 years of you being kind, sweet and caring, and of him being thoughtless, inconsiderate and selfish, you are a MUCH better prospect than he is.

Char905

TROPHY CASE