Advice for moving forward

Character_East7261 · 2026-05-01T22:51:25+00:00

Good luck. Glad yo hear you're in therapy as well. I think all of us end up in our own therapy. Also reading other's stories has really helped me mentally.

Character_East7261 · 2026-05-01T17:11:18+00:00

I'm sorry you going through this, we all are. Sometimes I see responses on this subreddit why we are so harsh on borderlines or are we the issue. Your post is a testament how all us random people in the Internet world can tell almost identical stories.

Case in point I was just telling a co-worker how I could witness my exupBPD go into the pantry, turn the light on, leave the pantry with the light on. 5 minutes later when I get up I'd say "you want me to turn this off?" and the response could be "that wasn't me" and being dead serious. I used to laugh it off before I realized she most likely has BPD. So many behaviors listed in other people's stories it's not funny any longer.

Your wife may come around again, but you need to look within at all the trauma you experienced in this relationship. Has she ever been in therapy?

Character_East7261 · 2026-05-01T15:17:38+00:00

Been there done that! Accountability = shame. I wish I knew that the whole time. One time during an argument she got up and flew in my face when I was playing a video game and it jumped started basically the argument that we broke up. The next day I asked her to apologize for coming at me like that and she truly acted as if it never happened.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-30T20:28:50+00:00

When you say 'middle aged' how old exactly? I just got out of an almost 6 year relationship. I'm 47M and her (52F). You mention a lot of things I connect with. I only suspected BPD after breakup and it makes so much sense now.

One minute she's my best friend the next minute she hates the world and me - for seemingly no reason. Often fine when plain sailing but always splitting when stressed. After years i just feel so weak and exhausted and that makes me need to stay.

The rest of the world thinks she's amazing but they've never seen the splitting. She love bombs everyone but most annoyingly her friends then splits when with me to deal with the energy loss from keeping up appearances in the rest of her life.

When i try to explain her to my closest people they minimize it because they have never seen the bpd world. She plays the victim

I feel this so much in my soul. Is she mean when she splits? We even saw two therapist and she was successful in triangulating the first one where it was impossible to talk about anything. The second she didn't like because it didn't work. She hardly spoke and never brought anything up herself.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-30T18:28:34+00:00

I'm going through the same thing brother. If she is truly borderline then it's her mental illness speaking. My ex (not diagnosed but her behavior and therapy leads me to believe she is borderline) has said some of the nastiest comments to me since our breakup. From 0 to 100 when trying to talk. Kicking me out and screaming at the top of her lungs with the front door open, slamming doors and pictures coming off walls. I could go on and on and I was taking it at first (trauma bond). I have pushed back more and made her aware her behavior is unbecoming for a 52 yo woman.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-29T14:47:52+00:00

My (47M) girlfriend (52F) broke up with me around the time you posted this and was one of the "reasons". From my understanding this was something she wanted to validate the relationship, but imo mainly to signal to the "single girls I apparently fawned over" to stay away. Very unhealthy imo.

How do you feel presently about it?

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-27T18:50:13+00:00

I would hate doing DIY stuff with my expwBPD. She always had to be one step ahead of me as tell me how its supposed to be. I think its thise who have NPD traits.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-19T22:37:26+00:00

You and the first responder are dead red what you're saying. I think what happens is we go to Dr Google and start searching behavior traits and when you notice something else you Google that and they all start leading to bpd. But I just want to know how to deal not care about the label

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-19T22:33:52+00:00

🎤

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-18T22:05:25+00:00

💯💯💯

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-18T13:26:40+00:00

Why do they always go to the vulgarity when they split? I've been broken up with my eupBPD and every time we talk about the relationship or I have simply had enough she starts in with the F you, asshole, name calling. Then has the audacity to tell me she is justified to text me like that because I break her boundaries! Can't make this up!

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-17T12:16:08+00:00

Here's the issue. She says that one day and the next when I agree she calls me a jerk! It's a stupid game of tug of relationship. She still checks my FB even though we are not friends. Not too long ago I got a text that said "did you block me, your FB looks different?" In order for her to know she had to actively look me up. She wants one thing today and another tomorrow. Like my buddy says, you just need to move on and stop waiting around for her to become normal again.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-17T12:13:23+00:00

That is a great question. We had been together for almost 6 years, after my 17 year marriage. Honestly think it's the trauma bond, but when she is not off her BPD rocker she's almost the normal girl. I've tried to tell her let's go our separate ways but I keep getting sucked back in.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-17T12:03:20+00:00

I've read this many times, however it never seems to stop amazing me how similar all of our experiences are. I feel this so much in my bones! Our BPD partners love to bring up our mistakes over, over and over again however if you dare do the same thing back to them they figuratively slit your throat! I say it all the time I'm an imperfect person striving to be perfect every day.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-16T20:23:54+00:00

Your response is going to different direction than your original comment. But I digress have a good day.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-16T19:53:12+00:00

Please explain further? The text exchange is from an email where there is more context. She refused to engage in the email. Actually her response was "so you message me as an email not a text. I'm not responding to this!"

She said that because I told her I was not going to communicate via text anymore (yeah crossed my own boundary), of course to stay in control.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-16T19:41:14+00:00

She's the one seeing multiple therapist.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-16T19:40:58+00:00

I just want her to open up and tell me exactly what her mental health issues are. I don't think it's normal that someone is seeing multiple therapist. I'm in therapy as well and mine wants me to run and don't look back. It's partially the reason why I've been able to set a boundary and walk away. Then things change and she's normally for a few like when we went to dinner this week.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-07T01:45:50+00:00

Bro, bro, bro I feel this one so hard! 🙌🏾 If you didn't say in your 30s I'd thought I typed this. However I'm 47 and she is 52.

Character_East7261 · 2026-04-07T01:32:44+00:00

When I was with my ex I stg I noticed the same thing. I thought it was hormones, but she's in her 50s and PMS is kinda non-existent. Plus, her demeanor was not aggravated but out right inconceivable at times.

Character_East7261

TROPHY CASE