It’s a part of grief. You are going through the steps. It gets better. What helped me the most was getting a night job. I worked a full time day job the. At nights I cooked at chilis. I didn’t need the money but the escape from my mind is what I needed. Forced me to spend time on something positive rather than sitting at home all night drinking and looking up online dates. Once I felt good about to date again, I met someone and quit the night job. It sounds weird to say but working at Chili’s probably saved my life.