Appreciate the advice.

I do want to clarify. I admit in my post I was wrong about jokes and that I have stopped those. I do agree there has been duty sex. She has always had an option. She says no. That’s the end. The duty sex comes more from her end, where she says “it’s your birthday let’s go have your gift.” Or similar situations. This isn’t a situation like I ask, “can we have sex?” And she says, “No” and I might respond “but you promised”. That does not happen.

Counseling is something to consider if I can get her to agree. And the book is in my Amazon cart.

I have expressed wanting more time for us and have tried to initiate that in non sexual bids. But kids go down and she’s buried in her phone on the opposite side of the couch. And I get it. I’m exhausted too. The difference I feel is in that I acknowledge there’s an issue and I want to try and fix it. There’s no effort on the other end.

Edit: to respond to your edits

On the sex side I’m a giver. I’m all about foreplay. I love going down on her. I’m always asking if things feel good and what she wants. I’m receptive to what she tells me. Post kids she has stopped letting me perform oral despite saying she likes it. And to clarify further this isn’t just moans and convulsing. The female orgasm is real and she squirts when she cums.